Aladdin and the Wonderful Lamp (film #23 on The Cartoons That Time Forgot: The Ub Iwerks Collection, Vol. 1 DVD (Image Entertainment, 1999)). [Category: Hollywood]

Uh, I think they took a few liberties with the traditional story here. I began to think that just about the time the Sultan accidentally swallows Aladdin's lamp and you get to see an x-ray view of it in his stomach. And what's the deal with the plumber guy who looks like Barney Google, and what's that bizarre contraption he's wielding a blowtorch on?

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ***. Weirdness: ****. Historical Interest: ***. Overall Rating: ****.

Act Your Age (film #20 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Educational]

High school student Jim gets frustrated doing a math problem and expresses his feelings by carving his initials into his desk. The teacher sends him to the principal's office and the principal, after confiscating Jim's prized mechanical pencil, starts spouting off about teens in general and their "infantile reactions" to things. After even the school janitor complains about teens "acting like babies," Jim decides to take action on the problem by making a "How Old Am I?" chart and having his parents and friends rate him on his maturity in various areas. This earns his pencil back and totally solves the problem of immature behavior at his school. This is probably the quintessential Coronet film. It epitomizes Coronet's tendency to reduce complex psychological problems into simple, easy-to-follow rules that would make everything just ducky if kids would just follow them to the letter. Jim's solution to the complex problem of immature and out-of-proportion emotional reactions is so simplistic it's laughable, yet the film is so earnest and innocent, you almost get convinced, until you return to the real world anyway. Particularly innocent is the principal's final question in the film: "Wouldn't you like to rate yourself on a chart like this?" What answer do you think most teens would give?

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: *****. Weirdness: ****. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: *****.

According to Plan: The Story of Modern Sidewalls for the Homes of America (film #18 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Industrial]

This 50s film tells prospective homeowners how happy they will be if they put asbestos cement siding on their homes. It tells you way more than you want to know about this fairly dull building material. Mildly campy moments include the opening scene featuring a 50s couple putting together a model home in an oh-so-happy way, and the colors available, which are as follows: moss green (i.e. grey), brown, grey, and ivory (i.e. brown). There are lots of scenes of 50s suburbia when it was still new, including scenes of Levittown being built, which gives the film some historical interest. But just how interesting can you make shingles anyway? This film desperately needs a supernatural visitor or two to liven things up.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ***. Weirdness: **. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ***.

Airy Fairy Lillian Tries on Her New Corsets (film #35 on The Movies Begin, Volume One: The Great Train Robbery and Other Primary Works (Kino Video, 1994). Also, film #35 on The Art of Cinema Begins (Video Yesteryear, 1997)). [Category: Early Film & TV]

Airy Fairy Lillian must weigh at least 300 airy fairy pounds. "Stupid ol' corset!" she probably yells as she flings the garment to the floor after a failed attempt to get into it. She must call upon her male corset attendant to help her out. I assume all of this must have been big yux to turn-of-the-century audiences. The really scary part, though, is Lillian's airy fairy see-through skirt. This one gets 5 extra points for having one of the best titles of all these early films. A 1905 Biograph Mutoscope film. The version on The Movies Begin is in much better shape than the one on The Art of Cinema Begins.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ****. Weirdness: ****. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ***.

Breakfast Pals (film #8 on Ephemeral Films CD-ROM (Voyager). Also, film #143 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Commercial]

Did you know that Snap, Crackle and Pop used to have adversaries named Soggy, Mushy and Toughy? They battle to the death in this short 1930s cartoon advertising Kellogg's Rice Krispies. It's interesting how much the Snap, Crackle and Pop characters have evolved visually since the 30s––they look all alike but their hats here.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: **. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ***.

Assassin of Youth (film #1 on disc #1 of Schlock Hysteria, section #10 of Total Movie & Entertainment free DVD set). [Category: Sleaze & Outsider]

This is one of the campiest of the pseudoeducational exploitation films of the 30s. An investigative reporter infiltrates a group of small-town teenagers to get the scoop on teen marijuana use. He gets in the middle of a plot to swindle "good girl" Joan out of her inheritance by making it look like she's gone bad. The film has everything you look for in this kind of film: cheesy production values; a total ignorance about the effects of and the culture surrounding marijuana use ("I want one of those cigarettes that pep you up!" "Oh, you mean reefers?"); a film-within-a-film about the evils of the drug (The Marijuana Menace); lots of jazzy party scenes; a shadowy undressing scene which, of course, is essential to the plot; and lots of scenery chewing. It also has more character actors than you can shake a stick at, including a Margaret Hamilton wanna-be who rides around town on a bizarre scooter shouting gossip everywhere, a cranky curmudgeon of a town druggist, and a judge who is only slightly more reputable than W. C. Fields. About two-thirds of the way through the film, these character actors practically take over the film, turning the courtroom scene into something out of the Marx Brothers. Which is pretty weird in a film that was supposed to be a serious expose of the drug problem. But it certainly adds to the entertainment value of this film. If you're looking for a great, campy "party film," this is it. Just watch out for investigative reporters and old ladies on scooters before handing out any cigarettes that pep you up.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: *****. Weirdness: ****. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: *****.

Boy in Court (film #6 on Our Secret Century, Vol. 5: Teenage Transgression CD-ROM (Voyager). Also, film #138 on Prelinger Archive. Also, track #3 on Teenage Confidential (Rhino, 1987)). [Category: Public Service]

This optimistic 1940s film tries to convince us that enlightened, compassionate juvenile court systems can be more effective in reforming young offenders than punitive courts. 15-year-old gang member Johnny participates in a gang car theft, but is the only one caught. A kindly judges sentences him to probation, assigning to his case a compassionate probation officer who sets about getting social services for Johnny's poverty-stricken family, getting Johnny to go to church, and interesting the boy in aviation. By the end of the film, Johnny is a thoroughly clean-cut upright young man, who admits to the judge that stealing a car is "pretty dumb". Although it has some valid points, this film is incredibly simplistic in its portrayal of the causes and solutions to juvenile delinquency. It leaves you both wondering if any court system was that compassionate (Johnny's probation officer appears to have no other cases in his load), and if such treatment would really be very effective against hardened youth-gang members. Naive, and therefore fairly campy.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ****. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: *****. Overall Rating: ****.

Al Tudi Tuhak - Long, Long Ago (film #2 in the Film Festival section of Movieflix (www.movieflix.com)). [Category: Outtakes & Obscurities]

This short animated film tells a Native American creation myth from what looks to be the Eskimo people. God is shown as a giant Eskimo woodcarver who creates the earth and all life on it through whittling––the shavings are transformed into all forms of animal and plant life, as well as the sun and the moon. The story also involves a lonely duck and a whale who ends up in an unexpected place. The artwork is done in a Native American style and the narration is done in the form of traditional storytelling. The total effect is charming and true to the spirit of the traditional story. The duck and the whale, in particular, will make you smile.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ***. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ****.

Beatlemania! (extra on The Beatles: Celebration DVD (LasarLight, 1999)). [Category: News]

This newsreel clip documents the Beatles' return to London after their successful storming of America in 1964. They are absolutely mobbed at the airport by screaming fans. I don't care what you say––no other entertainers have created this much "mania" in their fans. This was made near the end of the newsreel era, like Universal Pictures Newsreel. The Beatles were a symbol of the huge changes that would happen in the 60s, so it's kind of odd to see them documented by such an old-fashioned technology.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: **. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ****.

Activision (easter egg on Boxing on the Playstation 2 Game Activision Anthology (Activision, 2002)). [Category: Commercial]

OK, folks, I know that the vast majority of you are not so rabid fans of ephemera that you would dig up this one, unless you also happen to be a fan of vintage video games. Not only does it require you to have a Playstation 2 and the game, but you have to get a certain score in Boxing to unlock this film. But it just so happens that my husband is a video game fanatic, and he got the requisite score. So I'm going to take advantage of it, even though I feel like I'm at a carnival and he just won a large stuffed bunny for me at the shooting gallery. This film announces the brand-new 1982 Activision video games for your Atari game system and lets you meet some of the game designers. Remember Atari, folks? That ultra-primitive game system that was just a step above Pong, but was nevertheless the cool thing to have back in 1982? I know it's unfair and way too easy to laugh at old technology, but seriously, it's hard not to get the giggles when watching those Activision executives and game designers be so excited about those blocky, primitive games. While they rave on about Activision's "state-of-the-art graphics", you get to see a designer actually draw a game character by filling in squares on a piece of graph paper. Add to that the fact that everybody looks so 70s, and you've got a film that's a real hoot to watch. They throw in several of Activision's tv commercials during the film as well, and they're fun to watch too.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ****. Weirdness: **. Historical Interest: *****. Overall Rating: ****.

All Star Bond Rally (film #7 on WWII V for Victory War Bonds & Rallies Show (Something Weird, 1996)). Category: Military & Propraganda

A bunch of Hollywood stars, including Bob Hope, Bing Crosby, Frank Sinatra, and Betty Grable do their level best to get us all to buy War Bonds and to entertain us, to boot. The most charming segment involves a bunch of pinups coming to life and making GIs do double-takes. A fun slice of WWII-era pop culture.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: **. Weirdness: **. Historical Interest: *****. Overall Rating: ****.

Across the Border (film #6 on Blood of Floor Sweepings (LSVideo)). [Category: Industrial]

A bunch of Goodyear employees go to Canada for no other reason, it seems, than to be tourists––and we get to see their home movies! This silent film from 1934 must have had some other purpose than what I've just said, but I can't figure it out. You do get to see some historically interesting footage of old-fashioned farming methods, when the excursioneers (they're always referred to in the title cards with cute names like that) tour the countryside.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: **. Weirdness: ****. Historical Interest: *****. Overall Rating: ****.

About Faces (film #15 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Public Service]

This film, made by the Public Heath Service, laments the sad state of the nation's teeth and exhorts all audience members to see their dentists immediately. It was made on the eve of World War II, probably as a response to the large amounts of 4-Fs that were being given due to bad teeth. It's in the Public Service, rather than the Military and Propaganda category, because it was made before Pearl Harbor and it's geared to the general public. This film is a lot of fun and very mstable. Priceless moments include the narrator ordering everybody in the audience to run his or her tongue over his or her teeth (and we get to see a movie audience actually doing this), and a poor toothless sap getting spurned by a pretty woman ("He doesn't even make it to first base," laments the narrator). Lots more fun than going to the dentist.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ****. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ****.

Aladdin and the Magic Lamp (film #7 on George Pal Puppetoons (Loonic Video)). [Category: Hollywood]

The Aladdin story is told quite tersely in this short cartoon. Wooden puppets give it a bizarre, thrift-store-like quality.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: **. Weirdness: ****. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ***.

The ABCs of Babysitting (film #5 on Campy Classroom Classics, Vol. 2 (Something Weird, 2000)). [Category: Educational]

Sid Davis sternly gives out a long list of safety rules for babysitters. This isn't as lurid as the usual Sid Davis film, but the rules are so long and detailed that a subtle element of fear and danger is injected underneath everything. You get the feeling that Davis actually disapproves of babysitting, but is afraid to say so outright, so instead he makes so many rules that he hopes kids will be discouraged from it and decide to pick some other way to make money, like, say drug dealing or corn detassling.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ***. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: ***. Overall Rating: ***.

Ali Lights the Centennial Torch (track #35 on Stay Tuned: Television's Unforgettable Moments DVD (Garner Creative Concepts, 2002)). [Category: News]

This clip of a shaking, Parkinsonian Muhammad Ali lighting the torch for the 1996 Olympic Games, though short, is actually quite touching. Interview footage with the tv producer responsible for the suprise event sets up the clip well. This is truly a television "moment" which needs little comment, making it one of the better tracks on the Stay Tuned DVD.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: N/A. Weirdness: **. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ****.

Aeroplane Flight and Wreck (film #33 on The Movies Begin, Volume One: The Great Train Robbery and Other Primary Works (Kino Video, 1994). Also, film #33 on The Art of Cinema Begins (Video Yesteryear, 1997) (titled "Airplane Flight and Wreck")). [Category: Early Film & TV]

Can you guess the plot of this one? Hint: This inventor is not one of the Wright Brothers. The airplane is a huge complicated contraption that doesn't even seem to be balanced on the ground. It gets about three inches off the ground before the title wreck happens on the far right of the screen, almost off of it. There's a surprising amount of damage to the plane considering the very short distance it fell. Ah, the folly of man! When will he ever learn that if God had meant us to fly, he would have given us wings? A 1910 Biograph Mutoscope film. The version on The Movies Begin has better film quality and a better soundtrack than on The Art of Cinema Begins.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: **. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: **.

A Is for Atom (film #13 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Military & Propaganda]

This one should have been called Our Friend, the Atom. Think of a movie with that title and you'll come pretty close to this 50s animated film about atomic energy. It does a pretty good job of explaining the basics of nuclear physics (or an oversimplification of the basics), but its visual metaphors are simultaneously bizarre and very representative of 50s culture. Example: Stable elements live respectable lives in 50s houses, while radioactive elements spend all night partying, hopping from bar to bar, until their energy burns out and they become one of the stable masses. Atomic energy is always presented with gee-whiz awe, as the latest scientific marvel of the 20th century, and even though atomic weapons and atomic explosions are portrayed, it's not even hinted at for a moment that there could possibly be any downside to this wonderful discovery ("miraculous" is a word that is used frequently). The visuals tell the story, however. Atomic Energy as a construct is portrayed as a ghostlike giant man who looks sort of like a robot version of Mr. Clean, only huge. And there's lots of them, looming over factories, farms, hospitals, power plants, and other places atomic energy is used. The cumulative effect is that of an atomic Big Brother watching over us all. This is a powerful metaphor for the frightening presence of nuclear weapons and their mass destructive power, but it's completely unconsious, which makes it far more disturbing to my mind. This makes the film a classic of the atomic scare film genre.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ****. Weirdness: ****. Historical Interest: *****. Overall Rating: *****.

The Best of Classic Commercials (Moon River, 1993). [Category: Commercial]

This is one of my favorite collections of TV commercials. There's 31 commercials here, most from the 50's, a few from the 60's, all in glorious black-and-white. Almost all of them are fun to watch, and there's a few that are really great. The film and video quality is quite good.

Highlights:

• Mike Wallace pitches Fluffo Shortening and interviews the Indiana State Baking Champion. You keep expecting him to uncover Bake-Offgate. He hasn't yet, but I'll keep you posted on this.
  
• "I want my Maypo!"
  
• BUCKY BEAVER WARNING!! My husband thinks Bucky Beaver is the Antichrist. You be the judge after viewing "Bucky Beaver: Space Guard".
  
• A very white ad for Vel Dish Soap. Ever wonder what brought about the second wave of feminism? "Does that mean I never have to help with the dishes?" Dream on, buddy.
  
• The last commercial on this tape features a very white newlywed couple. See how long it takes you to guess what the product is.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ****. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ****.

All This and Rabbit Stew (film #6 on Cartoon Scandals (Goodtimes, 1987)). [Category: Sleaze and Outsider]

Bugs is chased by a black version of Elmer Fudd, with a lot of the same gags. You can see why they don't show this one on tv––the hunter is a fat-lipped Steppin Fetchit clone. Bugs finally defeats him by getting him into a dice game and winning his gun and all his clothes off of him. Pretty appalling, but also pretty funny, as most Bugs chase toons are. Watch for the "racy" ending––Bugs pulls off the hunter's fig leaf at the blackout!

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ****. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: ***. Overall Rating: ****.