Babies on Parade (film #1150 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Hollywood]

Newsreel featurette about a baby parade and festival. It's not as creepy as these things usually are, since it's not so much a beauty contest as it is an all-around festival with a parade, silly costumes, and various contests. The babies react in typical baby fashion, i.e. it's fun for awhile for them, but they get tired and cranky real fast. Overall it's an innocuous slice of life from the baby boom period.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: **. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ***.

Alcohol: How Much Is Too Much? (film #5 on Classroom Scare Films, Vol. 2: Health Horrors (Something Weird, 1994)). [Category: Educational]

This early 70's classroom film about the dangers of alcohol is of the "here are the facts--you decide" variety so common to the decade, which is not nearly as much fun as the "we'll tell you what to do" type of the 50's. The warnings of the risks of alcohol consumption are undercut by the visuals, which mostly consist of people having a high old time drinking. The only visual moment that reflects the downside of drinking is a very brief scene of a skid-row bum drinking in an alley. The junior-high school audience this is aimed at is repeatedly told that they must decide for themselves how much alcohol is "too much"––which is true, as the film obviously doesn't tell them.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: **. Weirdness: **. Historical Interest: ***. Overall Rating: **.

The Apparition (film #5 on Marvelous Melies (A-1 Video)). [Category: Early Film & TV]

Dang modern technology! Just what did folks have to endlessly frustrate them before there were computers? Well, the guy in this film manages to find a candle pretty damn irrascible, as it keeps sliding back and forth across the table, suddenly turning giant-sized, and generally frustrating any attempts to read by its light. Eventually it drives the guy batty, and then the ghosts arrive. More Melies silliness. A 1901 Melies film.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ****. Weirdness: ****. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ****.

Classic Commercials, Vol. 4 (Madacy Entertainment, 1998). [Category: Commercial]

More commercials, mainly from the late 60s and early 70s, although a few 50s ones are thrown in. Like Vol. 3, this one has lots of celebrity endorsements and memorable advertising characters. Monster fans will enjoy quite a few commercials featuring classic monsters, especially the Frankenstein monster and King Kong.

Highlights:

• The commercial for the Fantastic Country LP will bring afternoon tv K-Tel commercials rushing back to you.
  
• Contact decongestant does a great parody of the old Shell gasoline roadtest commercials.
  
• The real highlight of this tape is a great cheesy mail-in offer from the 50s Space Patrol tv show for a pair of really dorky-looking strap-on binoculars. Seeing the stars of the show wearing the things is a real hoot.
  
• Memorable advertising characters on this tape: Mother Nature for Chiffon Margarine (the one It's Not Nice to Fool), Josephine the Plumber, and Rosie the Bounty Diner Waitress.
  

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ****. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ****.

Because of Eve: The Story of Life (Something Weird). [Category: Sleaze and Outsider]

Bob loves Sally. Sally loves Bob. Bob and Sally want to get married. Unfortunately, their doctor, Dr. Clueless, stupidly puts his foot in his mouth after their premarital medical examinations, letting spill Sally's out-of-wedlock baby and Bob's VD in one sentence (this scene is incredibly campy and worth the cost of the whole film). The good doctor spends the rest of the film frantically trying to patch things up between Sally and Bob, who are, naturally, less than thrilled to find out about each other's past mistakes. The plot, though, turns out to be just a framing device for three sex education films: "The Story of VD," "The Story of Reproduction," and "The Story of Birth." The prologue of the film tells us that these films have been shown in high schools and colleges, but considering the explicit nudity in the films and their exploitation origins, that's doubtful. "The Story of VD" shows lots of disgusting footage of the ravages of syphilis. Lots of naughty bits are shown, but not one of them lacks oozing open sores or rashes. "The Story of Reproduction" explains human conception with limited animation, carefully leaving out, of course, how the sperm gets into the uterus. "The Story of Birth" is a genuine roadshow birth-of-a-baby film. All I can say about it is I'm glad it's in black-and-white. The films in toto are enough to turn any young people off of sex, at least for a few hours. And the set-up footage about Bob, Sally, and Dr. Clueless is campy enough to provide an evening's-worth of entertainment for bad film fanatics anywhere.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: *****. Weirdness: ****. Historical Interest: *****. Overall Rating: *****.

We Drivers (film #5 on Our Secret Century, Vol. 4: Menace and Jeopardy CD-ROM (Voyager). Also, film #1014 on Prelinger Archive. Also, film #3 on Ephemeral Films CD-ROM (Voyager) (excerpt)). [Category: Public Service]

Animated Reckless Rudolph and Sensible Sam battle in the boxing ring, and over the soul of the average driver, like in cartoons when a character has a moral dilemma and a little devil whispers in one ear and an angel in the other. Sensible Sam wins, of course, and the boxing ring countdown turns into a list of ten rules for traffic safety, ending with "Obey all laws!" Like many films of this type, its message is undercut by its dogmatic tone and the goody two-shoes quality of Sensible Sam.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ***. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ***.

Chased by Monsters (extra on Monsters Crash the Pajama Party Spook Show Spectacular DVD (Something Weird, 2001)). [Category: Outtakes & Obscurities]

Ever have one of those dreams where you're being chased by a monster but you can only run really slowly, like you're going through molasses? I bet it wasn't nearly as hokey as this clip from an LSD exploitation film that Something Weird dug up. A pathetic shmoe is chased by a bunch of Freudian female monsters. Like I said, this is hokey as all get-out.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ****. Weirdness: ****. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ****.

Headline Stories of the Century (Questar Video, 1992). [Category: News]

A "photo album" of newsreel clips documenting pop culture trends from the mid 20s to the early 60s. "Photo album" is an apt description of this tape, as the clips are quite brief and have added narration. I wish they would have shown the whole newsreels with their original narration. Still, there are some interesting moments here, such as Billy Sunday raving against the demon rum, the mayor of Buffalo banning kissing (it spreads influenza), some really obnoxious hog callers, and a convention of fan dancers arguing about proper fan length.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ***. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ***.

As the Twig Is Bent.

Made during World War II by Aetna Life & Casualty, this film encourages parents to make a special effort to look after their kids during wartime. It fairly accurately spells out the special problems the war was creating for children, such as lack of adult supervision, family upheaval, and teens dropping out of school to take jobs in war production. But, like many corporate-sponsored films, it places responsibility for these problems entirely in the lap of the individual, which seems particularly ridiculous during a worldwide war. This individual-blaming really takes the cake when the film asserts that so many of the generation who were children during World War I became criminals solely because of parental failure. Aw, c'mon––don't you think the Depression and Prohibition bootlegging had at least a little bit to do with it? The film then tells parents that it is their duty to maintain as normal a home life as possible for their children––how parents are supposed to do this when Daddy's off fighting the war, Mommy's working in a defense plant, and the family has just moved to a trailer court in a defense boomtown far from their extended family is not spelled out. A real guilt producer.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ***. Weirdness: ****. Historical Interest: *****. Overall Rating: ***.

Bandaid Commercial (film #2 in the Comercial Section of Movieflix (www.movieflix.com)). [Category: Commercial]

An evil clown encourages kids to injure themselves so they can put Bandaids with stars on them on their cuts. Unfortunately, he's only a Bucky Beaver wanna-be, but this is pretty campy all the same.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ****. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ****.

Back to Nature (extra on The Beast That Killed Women/The Monster of Camp Sunshine DVD (Something Weird, 2001)). [Category: Sleaze & Outsider]

A bunch of naked people frolic in a nudist colony. They swim, ride horses, swordfight, have barbecues, do laundry (towels only), and go rock climbing, all while carefully keeping their backs to the camera or draping a towel casually over their naughty bits. It's all supposed to be so wholesome, but you just know that this film is designed for ogling purposes. Most disturbing is the male shower sequence and the thoroughly disgusting-looking barbecue.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ***. Weirdness: ****. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ***.

Arteries of New York City (film #83 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Public Service]

Fairly dry film about the various transportation routes into and out of New York City. It does have lots of historically interesting scenes of NYC in the 50s, though.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: *. Weirdness: *. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: **.

Amie en Matiere Plastique (film #3 in the Indie Section of Movieflix). [Category: Outtakes & Obscurities]

A nerdy guy gives a heartfelt marriage proposal to...his inflatable love doll. Har-de-har-har. I saw this one coming a mile away. Still, it's lots better than Asphyxiated Heart, even counting the scene of him sucking the doll's fingers.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: **. Weirdness: **. Historical Interest: *. Overall Rating: **.

Berkeley, California Fire

Berkeley, California Fire.

Silent newsreel footage of a devastating 1923 fire that destroyed much of Berkeley, California. Footage of the fire is followed by scenes of the aftermath and cleanup efforts. Most interesting is a few brief scenes of homeless fire victims cheerily making the best of it by cooking outdoors or playing a rescued piano. Mostly, this is just a historical document, though.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: N/A. Weirdness: **. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ***.

All Out for Victory (film #43 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Military & Propaganda]

Firestone produced this World War II film, in which it shows us all the different kinds of war materials being produced in its plant. It's a fascinating historical document, because it shows the diversity of workers hired for war production. Blind workers unravel the ends of parachute straps, a one-armed man operates a one-handed hole-punching machine, deaf workers work in the noisiest part of the factory, elderly men come out of retirement to offer their well-honed skills, and, of course, women are everywhere. It's also interesting to see the wide variety of war materials Firestone produced and how they produced them. And it's a stirring piece of propaganda, as we are constantly reminded that relatives of these workers who are in the armed services depend in a life-or-death way on the quality of these materials. For instance, one woman's son was saved by a lifebelt that she herself had inspected (it had her inspection stamp on it). This is shown to make the workers extra careful about the quality of their work. One of the better industrial incentive films that was made.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: **. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: *****. Overall Rating: ****.

Air Transportation (film #31 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Industrial]

This 50s vocational guidance film outlines the various kinds of jobs available in the airline industry. It's pretty dry, though there is some interesting gender-related material, particularly the requirements for stewardesses. And there's some historical interest, if you're looking for information on how the airlines were in the 50s.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: **. Weirdness: *. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: **.

The Asylum of the Insane (extra on Monsters Crash the Pajama Party Spook Show Spectacular DVD (Something Weird, 2001)). [Category: Hollywood]

This 3-D short, called The Asylum of the Insane, remember, features lots of lame 3-D gimmicks such as a child on a swing, a boy throwing a football towards the screen, and a juggler playing with balls on elastic strings, while the narrator talks about dreams. The title is very vaguely alluded to in the final scene which features teens in rubber fright masks swinging knives or baseball bats around in the thin air. Uh...OK.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ****. Weirdness: *****. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ****.

Alcohol and the Human Body (film #40 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Educational]

The effects of alcohol on the human body and brain are presented in a dry, dull fashion, with the help of primitive animated sequences of black dots of alcohol going through the bloodstream, as well as film clips of drunk people. Mildly campy is the ending of the scene about treatment of alcoholics, where the former skid-row bum is discharged in a new suit and told sternly to never touch the stuff again. Yeah, right. Mostly this is boring, though.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ***. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: ***. Overall Rating: ***.

Along the Great Divide: Great Britain 1900-1912 (film #1 on The Silent Revolution: What Do Those Old Films Mean?, Vol. 1 (Facets, 1999)). [Category: Early Film & TV]

This is the first in a series of BBC documentaries about early film. This one concentrates on early English films and contains many clips of same. It's well-written and provides an interesting historical context to the films. The soundtracks of the films are unusual––some are typical piano soundtracks, others have sound effects that are so appropriate that the films seem like sound films at first, and some have bizarre experimental vocal music soundtracks. These documentaries should be good companions to the other films on this list as they place them within their historical contexts. This film points out that early English film was mostly made for the lower classes and has an anarchic feeling as a result, a feeling that was later lost when the middle and upper classes got interested in film. This provides a historical context for other films in this category, including Rescued by Rover, A Day in the Life of a Coalminer, and Buy Your Own Cherries (which turns out to be a temperance film--who'd a thought?).

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: **. Weirdness: ****. Historical Interest: *****. Overall Rating: ****.

Classic Commercials, Vol. 3 (Madacy Entertainment, 1998). [Category: Commercial]

This tape has mostly 60s commercials, with lots of celebrity endorsements, well-known advertising characters (Josephine the Plumber, Mr. Whipple, etc.), ditzy housewives, and Proctor & Gamble products. Should bring back lots of memories for those of us who grew up during the 60s (like me).

Highlights:

• I had that Frito bandito eraser! It was cool!
  
• See the American Association of Retired Persons being pitched by Fibber McGee and his closet, Post Grape-Nuts being pitched by Euell Gibbons and his cattails, and Scotties tissues being pitched by Jimmy Durante and his nose.
  
• There's another great 60s Kool-Aid commercial here featuring both Bugs Bunny and the Monkees! How can you top that?
  
• Memorable advertising characters found on this tape: the obnoxious Phillip Morris delivery boy, the Frito Bandito, Josephine the plumber, Tony the Tiger, the anti-pollution PSA crying Indian, Mrs. Olson, and Mr. Whipple.
  
• Watch Ed McMahon get a bowling trophy for beer drinking!
  
• This tape really goes overboard on the ditzy housewives. When they're not obsessing on laundry whiteness and stain removal, they're talking way too much about smeary makeup. No wonder there was a feminist movement during the 60s!
  

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ****. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: *****. Overall Rating: ****.