Beatrice Foods News Reports from Around the World (film #191 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Industrial]

This early 60s film is pretty much what the title says––news reports from all over the world about Beatrice Foods’ various corporate subsidiaries. We get to see milk processing on a military base in Japan, a company that makes cookware and serving utensils for restaurants, a Belgian milk processing plant, and a bizarre underground storage facility near Kansas City. This is all narrated in a way that implies that its audience finds this all fascinating. And it is, in an odd sort of way, though you have to be in the right frame of mind to appreciate it. Me, I like stuff about foods and the kitchen, so this held my interest. There’s lots of factory footage for folks who like that sort of thing. And the last segment, about the underground storage facility, is the weirdest. The employees of the facility have their lunches in a “Caveteria,” a name that is so lame it’s brilliant. But the most interesting thing is the Atlas Wire Products Company, a company that rents underground space for its factory from the facility. This company make––are you ready for this?––wire racks! Get it?? Kansas?? Wire racks?? That’s where the guy in Speech: Using Your Voice, a Centron production, got his nifty wire rack! It has to be! This is just too handy to be a coincidence! This blows the lid off the whole Kansas-Centron-public speaking-evaporated milk-wire rack conspiracy! I––what? Oh…OK, I’ll take my meds and go to bed now.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ***. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ****.

Arranging the Tea Table (film #155 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Educational]

In which we learn that behaving as if you have obsessive-compulsive disorder is the best way to make your tea guests feel at ease. "Exactness in details helps tremendously to ensure a sense of perfection," is a direct quote. If you only own a white linen tablecloth, but not a lace or embroidered one, then you might as well throw in the towel right now, because your tea will be an excruciating failure and you will lose all your friends. Have fun!

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ***. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ****.

Army Pack Train Bringing Supplies (film #15 on Edison Film Archive). [Category: Early Film & TV]

This was back in the days when horses and mules were the main forms of transport, even for the army. They sure made mule trains long in those days. An Edison film.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: *. Weirdness: **. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: **.

The Bank Robbery (film #5 on The Origins of Cinema, Vol. 5: Rare Films (Video Yesteryear, 1997)). [Category: Early Film & TV]

Now this is a Western! It almost looks like it could be a home movie of a real Old-West bank robbery. Considering the time period in which it was made, and the fact that it stars real bank robber Al Jennings, it might as well have been. It's very primitive technically––half the time they don't seem to know where to point the camera and they don't even know enough to edit out the shots where the horses relieve themselves––but that just adds to the authenticity. A band of thugs robs a small town bank, leading to an extended manhunt and the inevitable shootout and milling-around festival. The bad guys are eventually hauled out of the Wicheta National Forest and Game Preserve (says so!) and brought back to town to face justice. Not particularly romantic, and there's lots of dirt, but that's probably what the Old West was really like. An Oklahoma Mutoscene Film.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: **. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: *****. Overall Rating: ****.

Drive-In Movie Double Feature #48 (Sinister Cinema). [Category: Commercial]

This collection of drive-in ephemera has mostly ones that I've seen before. The film quality is better than average, though.

Highlights:

• Nutrition Alert! Buttercup Popcorn is "nutritious", as always.
  
• The "2 minutes to go" snack bar promo features the exact same animated snacks as the earlier alien snack bar promo.
  
• The hamburgers in the "Last Chance" snack bar promo look way too much like the donuts, and they both look like they're made of tar.
  

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ***. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: **.

A Prologue to Forbidden Desire (film #2 on Exploitation Mini-Classics, Vol. 1 (Sinister Cinema)). [Category: Sleaze & Outsider]

This prologue was made for the wartime rerelease of Forbidden Desire, a 30s exploitation movie about syphilis and prostitution. They try to make the movie seem timely by relating it to a bunch of wartime problems such as the housing shortage and juvenile delinquency. Narration by a gnarled old man is punctuated by scenes from the movie and other scenes which were probably filmed especially for this prologue. It's all quite campy, but the highlight is a scene featuring two "kept women" sitting around in their underwear ("Boy, it's hot! I think I'll shed this," says one immediately upon entering the room), discussing their sugar daddies in derisive terms. It's one of the all-time Greatest Moments in Bad Acting. One of the best items in the Exploitation Mini-Classics series.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ****. Weirdness: ****. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ****.

The Girls and Daddy (Unedited Version) (film #8 on The Origins of Cinema, Volume 4: The Arrival of D. W. Griffith (Video Yesteryear, 1995)). [Category: Outtakes & Obscurities]

This is the unedited footage for The Girls and Daddy shown in the order it was shot. Even back in 1909 they were already shooting scenes out of order. It's hard to make any sense of the story when it's in this form, but if you watched the edited version right afterward it gives you a good sense of how movies are put together. An interesting historical extra.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: *. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: *****. Overall Rating: ***.

Battle of China (tape #6 of the series WWII Special Edition (Madacy Entertainment, 1997)). [Category: Military & Propaganda]

This sixth film of the "Why We Fight" series documents Chinese resistance to the Japanese invasion of their country. I expected to find this dull, but actually this seldom-told story is quite interesting and inspiring. China was ill-prepared for war, but after suffering terrible atrocities at the hands of the Japanese, they banded together, moved most of their population and industry to the west, destroyed most of what they left behind, and set about to develop the military strength they needed to drive out the Japanese. There are many amazing images in this film of the Chinese doing what seems to be the impossible with primitive tools and the sweat of their own bodies, particularly in the segments about the western migration and the building of the Burma Road. One of the most visually compelling films in this series.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: N/A. Weirdness: **. Historical Interest: *****. Overall Rating: ****.

Do It the Easy Way (film #5 on Blood of Floor Sweepings (LSVideo)). [Category: Industrial]

If ever a film has elicited a giant "huh?", this is it. I mean, what is it about the 50s and weird sexual innuendo? This was made by Herpolsheimer's, a Grand Rapids department store, to promote something called EASY (it has to be an acronym but they never explain what it stands for) which, near as I can tell, is a brand name for their large appliances, though it's not completely clear. The middle of the film, which explains the sales campaign for EASY, is boring, boring, boring, but the beginning and ending plays like a filmed version of Freudian free association. Add to that the fact that the film was incredibly cheaply made and that it's silent apart from a single narrator, and you're left with an experience that leaves you scratching your head so hard it hurts. Of course, that makes it great ephemera.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ****. Weirdness: *****. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: *****.

The Bully (film #8 on The Cartoons That Time Forgot: The Ub Iwerks Collection, Vol. 2 DVD (Image Entertainment, 1999)).

Flip the Frog has a run-in with a neighborhood bully and eventually gets roped into fighting him in the boxing ring. This leads to the standard set of boxing cartoon gags. The ending is pretty surprising, though.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ***. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ***.

Arranging a Buffet Supper (film #154 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Educational]

This is a Simmel-Misservey manners film, so there are rules, rules, and more rules for setting up a buffet supper. No candles on the buffet table and the centerpiece must go exactly in the center. If you don't arrange the forks correctly, your party will be a complete flop and everybody will hate you. The purpose of all this is gracious living.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ***. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ****.

The Bank (film #2 on His Prehistoric Past/The Bank (Video Yesteryear, 1987). Also, film #27 in the Silent section of Movieflix (www.movieflix.com)). [Category: Early Film & TV]

The Little Tramp is a janitor in a bank, but ends up causing more messes than he cleans up. He is disappointed when pretty bank clerk Edna spurns him, but all turns out well after he bravely thwarts a group of bank robbers (...or does it?). This is Chaplin at his best, getting more comic mileage out of simply carrying a mop than most others can get from a whole roomful of props. The opening gag is priceless, but I won't give it away. Video Yesteryear's genuine movie organ soundtrack is great. A 1915 Essanay film.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: *****. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: ***. Overall Rating: ****.

Drive-In Movie Double Feature #37 (Sinister Cinema). [Category: Commercial]

This collection of drive-in ephemera has better film quality than most and features quite a few public service messages exhorting us to drive safely, go to church, vote, etc.

Highlights:

• "Satisfaction" seems to be a euphemism for caffeine in the promo advertising coffee.
  
• Another appearance of the "Bernz-O-Matic", this time in color! And this drive-in sells Drizzle Guards, too!
  
• Another jazzy Dr. Pepper snack bar promo. Cool!
  
• You could win a "Lady's Wrist Watch, Neckless and Earring Set (sic)"!
  

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ***. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ***.

Alvin Purple (film #1 in the Trailers section of Movieflix (www.movieflix.com)). [Category: Commercial]

Tasteless trailer for an early 70s sex comedy about a lust-crazed man and his exploits in and out of bedrooms. Pretty much what you’d expect from this sort of thing.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: **. Weirdness: **. Historical Interest: ***. Overall Rating: **.

The Emperor Jones (film #10 in the Black Culture section of Movieflix (www.movieflix.com)) [Category: Sleaze & Outsider]

This film is not totally an all-black cast film, but whites play only a few minor parts in it. This is a major studio production starring Paul Robeson as an arrogant, conniving Pullman Porter who ends up on a chain gang for killing a man, escapes, and winds up on a Caribbean island where he manipulates the natives into making him emperor. It was based on a stage play by Eugene O’Neill and so the production is rather stagey at times. But Robeson is fun to watch, both as an actor and as a singer. His final tour-de-force, when he runs through the jungle after the natives have turned against him and slowly goes insane, is a great piece of acting, though it does go on a bit too long. Like most “race films” of this period, there is a confusing mix of genuine African-American culture and offensive stereotypes. Still, this is a unique film that is worth watching.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: *. Weirdness: ****. Historical Interest: *****. Overall Rating: ****.

Cities: How They Grow (film #320 on Prelinger Archive) [Category: Public Service].

This Encyclopedia Brittanica film gives a dry overview of the growth of cities in America, city planning, and urban problems. Since it’s EB, it’s all pretty standard and conventional. It ends optimistically, expressing the hope that proper planning can prevent urban problems in the future. Lots of scene of 50s urban life are shown, giving this some historical value, but mostly it’s dull viewing.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: *. Weirdness: *. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ***.

Banana Splits Opening (film #21 in the Clip of the Week section of Retromedia). [Category: Outtakes & Obscurities]

Boy, this really brings back those Saturday morning memories! For those whom it doesn’t, all I can say is you had to be there. The “Danger Island” opening they throw on to this is not nearly as much fun.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ****. Weirdness: ****. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ****.

ABC Evening News – Nixon Resigns (film #5 in the Clip of the Week section of Retromedia). [Category: News]

This is not Nixon’s resignation speech, as you might guess. It’s a clip from the regular ABC news broadcast on the day Ford was sworn in as president. Still, it’s pretty interesting, as it shows Ford being sworn in, Nixon saying goodbye to his staff in a long, rambling speech that the newscasters hint was not overly coherent, and an editorial by Howard K. Smith in which he asserts that although the system works, it doesn’t work very well (granted, we didn’t get rid of Nixon as quickly and efficiently as the European examples he cites, but it didn’t involve violence, either, and that’s better than some countries we know). Overall, this is a great bit of news ephemera, bringing back some of the forgotten details of the Watergate affair.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: *. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: *****. Overall Rating: ****.

The Baking Industry (film #186 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Industrial]

This vocational guidance film focuses on commercial baking. Mostly it shows how bread is made in factories, and this is pretty interesting. There’s also some footage of work in small retail bakeries and some of the narrator’s comments here are kind of questionable. Like when listing the various electrical appliances used in bakeries, he adds, “and in some cases, ovens,” implying that some bakeries must still use open fires. And despite the fact that the film even mentions that women have been the major bakers for thousands of years, he asserts that women are only good for “light work,” such as putting the frosting on cakes or being eye candy at the front counter. These mildly campy moments, as well as the excellent factory tour footage, and footage of all the goodies, make this one of the better of the vocational guidance films, which are usually pretty dull.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ***. Weirdness: **. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ****.

Nejla Ates: The Turkish Delight (film #5 on Exploitation Mini-Classics, Vol. 1 (Sinister Cinema)). [Category: Sleaze & Outsider]

Belly dancing. That's it. Short, with cheesy production values.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: **. Weirdness: **. Historical Interest: ***. Overall Rating: **.