Fish from Hell (in the Ephemeral section of Open Video Project. Also, film #520 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Hollywood]

This is one of the all-time great ephemera titles and it doesn't disappoint, though to be more accurate, it should be called Narrators from Hell. Murky footage of deep-sea sport fishing is narrated by a guy whose religious mission is to convince us that fish are EVIL. The passion and logic of his arguments lay somewhere on the spectrum between circuit-riding revival preachers and psychotic cult leaders, and his delivery brings back scary memories for me of my dad listening to the Nebraska-Oklahoma football game and nearly blowing a gasket. The footage cooperates with the narrator's religious mission by mainly showing us various ways to kill sea life, including guns. The highlight of the film is the scene with the giant octopus––to the narrator, this creature is Satan himself and he responds accordingly. Even porpoises are dismissed as only being good for leather and oil, and sharks always bring out the most violent behavior possible in the fishermen––it's a good thing they didn't have access to nuclear weapons, or they would have most assuredly used them against every single shark they meet. If you haven't figured it out by now, this film is an environmentalist's nightmare. It's great ephemera, though––from HELL!!

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ****. Weirdness: *****. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ****.

The Cruise of the Zaca (extra on Disc #2 of The Adventures of Robin Hood DVD (Warner Bros., 2003)). [Category: Hollywood]

This short features Errol Flynn and friends going on sea adventures on his sailing ship, the Zaca. Scientists are involved in the expeditions, which were ostensibly done to study sea life. The film, though, is mainly designed to show what a carefree adventurous life movie stars like Flynn live, who flies off to his ship on his private pontoon helicopter with only an apple, a banana, and a camera with him, to go on an extended sea voyage. This, I’m sure, satisfied the fantasies of the movie-going public in the way Hollywood never did better than during its golden years, when this film was made. Which means, for a film about a scientific sea expedition, it’s pretty entertaining, and it makes a fun extra for The Adventures of Robin Hood DVD.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: **. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ***.

The Conquest of Everest (film #1 on Side A of Disc #10 of Historic Classics DVD Megapack (Mill Creek Entertainment, 2005)). [Category: Hollywood]

This 50s documentary covers the first successful climb of Mt. Everest by British, New Zealander and Tibetan climbers. As usual for this kind of film, the footage makes you wonder about the difficulties the cameraman had to go through, which were just as arduous as the other climbers. The film is a bit slow-moving in spots, but that’s somehow appropriate, as the entire expedition was agonizingly slow-moving due to lack of oxygen at that altitude. Mostly, it’s an interesting story of an amazing climb that pushed the climbers to their limits. A bit of 20s footage from the unsuccessful Mallory climb is included, increasing the historical value of the film.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: *. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ***.

Beyond Bengal (film #25 on Feature Films. Also, film #11 in the Documentary section of Movieflix). [Category: Hollywood]

This 30s nature adventure documentary is the Asian version of Africa Speaks. It’s somewhat less offensive than the other film, since the natives are treated respectfully for the most part (with the exception of a romantic couple that stages a silly wedding) and at least some of the animal killing does not seem to be gratuitous. This actually looks like it was quite dangerous to make, as there are tigers, leopards, panthers, pythons, and stampeding elephants around every turn, and there are some actual scenes of people getting seriously injured by them. Most upsetting is their treatment of the monkeys––in one scene we see one get captured and humiliated seemingly only because it was annoying, though they do tell us they let it go later (I think they do––it’s hard to tell because there’s a cut in the soundtrack at that point), and in another scene we see a monkey almost being squeezed to death by a python. Granted, that’s nature for you, but since they go on to tell us that they rescued the monkey and kept it for a pet, the amount of time we see it getting squeezed by the python seems gratuitous. This film certainly doesn’t meet today’s standards for animal treatment, environmental practices, or cultural sensitivity, but it moves. And it gives us a peek into the wild jungles of Asia back in the days when wild animals were really abundant, giving the film historical value.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ***. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ***.

Desert Demons (film #25 in the Documentary section of Movieflix (www.movieflix.com)). [Category: Hollywood]

Here we see an ant in a life-or-death struggle with a wolf! Seriously, it's this kind of nature documentary that the Pythons were making fun of. With the exception of a few very brief shots of owls and turtles, this is all about desert animals killing other desert animals. I guess that's how they packed 'em into the theaters during the 1930s.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: **. Weirdness: **. Historical Interest: ***. Overall Rating: ***.

Africa Speaks (film #1 in the Documentary section of Movieflix). [Category: Hollywood]

This memorable adventure documentary from the early 30s influenced many other films to come. It features a pair of white male documentary filmmakers making their way across Africa, filming the wonders of nature and having many adventures along the way. Because it was made during an unenlightened time, its portrayal of the natives and the way animals are treated are excruciating to watch at times. Particularly upsetting are the way they portray the native tribes’ treatment of women, but its hard to tell how accurate this is because the whole film is so skewed in its portrayal of natives. Still, the film is pretty entertaining to watch and has lots of action and wonderful scenes of animal life. And its unenlightened perspective makes it a historically interesting snapshot of popular attitudes towards Africa at the time. Many lesser films would be made according to this mold, so its good to see the original.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ****. Weirdness: ****. Historical Interest: *****. Overall Rating: ****.

Chinook's Children (in the Ephemeral section of Open Video Project. Also, film #538 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Hollywood]

This silent featurette shows the training of the puppies of Chinook, Admiral Richard Byrd's lead sled dog. As you would expect, the puppies are incredibly cute and will probably steal your heart. I was happy to hear they were trained without whips or chokes. The rest of the film is fairly dull, especially the race footage at the end. Dog fans will probably like this, though.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: *. Weirdness: **. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ***.

Catching Trouble (MST3K Episode #315; Teenage Caveman (short #2)). [Category: Hollywood]

Joel apologizes to everyone everywhere for this highly upsetting newsreel featurette about live wild animal capture, and rightly so. We're supposed to admire the antics of Ross, the wild animal hunter as he runs through the Florida everglades catching animals for cheesy reptile farms and the like, but after hearing the animals' anguished screams you root for them every time. Almost too painful to watch, but the msting helps. And to cleanse your soul afterwards, you absolutely must view the host segment that follows, entitled "Catching Ross", where Joel and the bots give the great white hunter a taste of his own medicine!

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: N/A. Weirdness: ****. Historical Interest: BOMB. Msting: *****. Overall Rating: **** (with msting)/BOMB (without).

The Animal World (Mad Monster Video). [Category: Hollywood]

This is supposed to be a documentary about animal life, but it's made by Irwin Allen, so you have your doubts right there. Actually, I think Allen came upon a bunch of stock nature footage and realized that it contained all the sex and violence any expolitation filmmaker could ask for. And where the footage doesn't supply it, there's always narration––like any good reporter, Allen never lets truth stand in the way of a good story. As a last resort, he tries to supply comedy by giving the action on screen lame sitcom plots. So overall, when it's not lurid, it's silly, and when it's not silly, it's lame. Still, the footage itself is often quite interesting, often featuring some of the odder members of the animal kingdom.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ***. Weirdness: ****. Historical Interest: ***. Overall Rating: ***.