Dial Comes to Town (film #433 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Industrial]

If you’re watching ephemeral films in order to laugh at dorky innocent people from the past, then this is your film. Gramps is all up in arms because there’s talk that they’re gonna install them there phones with dials on ‘em! Fortunately, the rest of the family is a little more on the early adapter side, so they take him to a long meeting about dial phones, where they explain way more than you want to know about how they installed them. Then you get to the meat of the film, where a pretty lady laboriously shows us how to make a call on a dial phone, using enough repetition that even the lower-1Q folks like Gramps get it. She uses a huge telephone dial as a visual aid, which definitely has my name on it for the Film Ephemera Museum of Quirky Devices (I called it first!). This is a highly entertaining film, with a great opening featuring a stop-motion animated dial that installs itself on a telephone. This is definitely one to have in your collection.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: *****. Weirdness: ****. Historical Interest: *****. Overall Rating: *****.

Choosing for Happiness (in the Ephemeral section of Open Video Project. Also, film #318 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Educational]

College girl Mary narrates this film about her friend Eve, and why, despite Eve’s good looks, she hasn’t found a husband yet. It turns out that Eve is as controlling as all get out, throwing a snit fit whenever a boyfriend fails to do exactly as she orders. The message here is that you can’t change other people, you can only change yourself. It’s a sound message, as far as that goes, except that you don’t get the feeling that young men during the 50s were getting the same message from social guidance films. When you take into consideration the blatant sexism of the 50s, it’s disturbing to hear young women being encouraged to “take men as they come”––it seems to be more about subservience than about healthy relating, despite the fact that Eve’s controlling behavior is genuinely annoying, and the boyfriends are portrayed as decent sorts mostly. And the film is made in an annoyingly confusing style, with Mary narrating Eve’s story, when Eve really should be doing it herself. There are also bits of wacked-out dialogue that make you wonder what the writers could have been thinking, especially the scene with Eve and supernerd boyfriend Arthur the Math Major. This makes the film more confusing than it needs to be, and it makes me wonder how it went over with its intended audience.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ****. Weirdness: ****. Historical Interest: *****. Overall Rating: ****.

Alice’s Egg Plant (film #4 on Disc #1 of Disney Rarities DVD (Disney, 2005)). [Category: Hollywood]

Alice runs a poultry farm in this cartoon, and she learns that the solution to labor-management problems is to hold a cockfight. I’m serious. This gets awfully close to being capitalist propaganda, except all the eggs are lost in the end. Phew!

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ***. Weirdness: ****. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ****.

A Day in the Life of a Coalminer (track #8 on The Movies Begin, Volume Three: Experimentation and Discovery (Kino Video, 1994)). [Category: Early Film & TV]

This fascinating film is probably one of the first documentaries ever made, showing us the real work of real turn-of-the-century coalminers. There are many unforgetable images here of men being squeezed like sardines into tiny elevators, men working in dark, cavelike corridors hundreds of feet underneath the ground and looking like they never get a chance to stand upright all day, men getting paid a small handful of coins for their labors. But what's really striking is the women. Yes, there are dozens of women in this mine doing such "women's work" as loading huge logs onto handcarts, hunching over a conveyor belt sorting coal, and standing on top of coal hoppers poking the coal with pitchforks. The classist ending will disgust you, or you have a heart of stone, I'll warrant. A fascinating historical document of hard, dirty labor. A 1910 Kinetescope film.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: N/A. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: *****. Overall Rating: *****.

Annabelle Butterfly Dance #3 (film #3 on the Viva la Dance disc of Unseen Cinema DVD Boxed Set (Image Entertainment, 2005)). [Category: Early Film & TV]

This is similar to Annabelle Butterfly Dance #1, except it was hand-colored. The shifting colors add even further to the charming, otherworldly quality of Annabelle’s dancing. An 1895 Edison film.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: *. Weirdness: ****. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ****.

Beast from Haunted Cave (extra on Journey Beneath the Desert DVD (Video Screams)). [Category: Commercial]

Campy, lurid trailer from the 50s sci-fi flick Beast from Haunted Cave. Features “4 men and a girl (a bad girl to boot!),” fistfights, crime, “a ski lift to the heights of terror,” and bad special effects. Lots of fun.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ****. Weirdness: ****. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ****.

Arad (film #9 in the Cities section of the State of Israel section of Stephen Spielberg Jewish Film Archive). [Category: Sleaze & Outsider]

Rather dry 60s film about the planning and building of a new town in the Israeli desert. The scenes of the new residents setting up housekeeping are mildly interesting, giving you a feel of what it must have been like to be an Israeli pioneer. But mostly this is rather dull.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: *. Weirdness: **. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ***.

Deadline for Danny (film #2 in the General section of the State of Israel section of Stephen Spielberg Jewish Film Archive). [Category: Public Service]

This 50s film, sponsored by the United Jewish Appeal, attempts to personalize the struggles of Israelis during the “austerity period,” when food shortages required everyone to conserve and struggle with not having enough. Danny, a young boy, is devastated to find out that his beloved cow, Elissa, is going to be slaughtered for meat because she is not giving milk. He goes all the way to Jerusalem by himself to try to get somebody from the government to give Elissa a reprieve, only to go through a frustrating round of bureaucrats ordering him to fill out forms in triplicate. He eventually is given a ride home by a man delivering fodder to farms, and he ends up witnessing a riot that starts when a village is given only 6 bushels of fodder when they need 14. After this, he gives up trying to save Elissa, but a miracle happens that allows the film to end happily. This is a very charming film that does generate empathy for the struggles of Israel’s pioneers. Its ending is a tad unrealistic, but it doesn’t really undercut the film’s message much, and since you end up identifying with Danny and Elissa, it’s a relief to see her saved in the end. The film has a great deal of historical value in documenting the early struggles of the people of Israel.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: *** (mainly for the bureaucrat sequence). Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: *****. Overall Rating: ****.

Abstract Experiment in Kodachrome (film #33 on the Viva la Dance disc of Unseen Cinema DVD Boxed Set (Image Entertainment, 2005)). [Category: Outtakes & Obscurities]

Stop-motion animated film featuring moving abstract designs created with such things as children’s blocks, colored tiles, balls, and sheets of colored paper. Sort of like a film version of a mixed-media art piece. Since I’m into mixed-media, I enjoyed this very much. The colors and movement are delightful, and the music soundtrack adds to the total effect. This is the sort of thing I love to find on a collection of experimental films.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: *. Weirdness: ****. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: *****.

Corruption in Local 2 (film #9 on Shaping San Francisco). [Category: News]

Brief TV news clip from the 70s of an interview with a union member complaining about dirty dealings in the union. This has some local historical value, but it’s too brief to be of much interest otherwise.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: *. Weirdness: *. Historical Interest: ***. Overall Rating: **.

The Arsenal for D-Day (film #515 on Universal Newsreels). [Category: Military & Propaganda]

Newsreel story about all the masses of stuff that had to be made and collected for the D-Day invasions. If you’re interested in vintage WWII items, then this is your film. Also included is a story about England getting planes from Lend-Lease, which is pretty standard.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: *. Weirdness: **. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ***.

Composite (film #1 in the 0800046 Composite No. 1 section of DOE Nevada). [Category: Military & Propaganda]

Short montage of nuclear explosions blowin’ things up real good. This is more than the usual mushroom clouds––it also includes some striking imagery of buildings imploding, filmed from the inside. If it’s explosions you want for your video project, check this out.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: **. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ***.

Destination Earth (in the Ephemeral section of Open Video Project. Also, film #424 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Industrial]

This animated bit of capitalist propaganda features a Martian from a totalitarian Martian society who comes to Earth to find out what makes the Earthmobiles so darned efficient, so he can repair the Head Martian’s limousine. By doing research in a public library, he discovers that oil and free-market competition make America great, so he goes back to Mars to preach this gospel (obviously the stack of books that he steals from the library don’t contain titles about air and water pollution, Middle-Eastern politics, robber barons, or the Great Depression). This inspires the Martians so much that they all go out to drill oil wells, while the totalitarian leader is conquered simply by pushing a self-destruct button––that he was defeated so easily really makes you wonder about the intelligence of the Martian race. This is propaganda, to be sure, but it’s delightfully animated, genuinely funny in spots, and less strident than many films of its kind. The bright colors and 50s cute-style animation won me over, frankly, though I’m not about to drill any oil wells any time soon.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ****. Weirdness: ****. Historical Interest: *****. Overall Rating: ****.

Alice the Whaler (film #7 on Disc 1 of Disney Rarities DVD (Disney, 2005)). [Category: Hollywood]

Alice is on a whaling ship with all of her animal buddies. Mostly, this is an excuse to show lots of silly antics of the animal buddies, especially the trials and tribulations of the mouse assistant to a cranky cat chef. It ends rather abruptly, with a harpooned whale dragging the ship through the waves. Never mind, the animal buddy antics are cute and funny.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ****. Weirdness: ****. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ****.

Fiddlesticks (film #1 on The Cartoons That Time Forgot: The Ub Iwerks Collection, Vol. 1 DVD (Image Entertainment, 1999)). [Category: Hollywood]

Flip the Frog sings and dances his way into our hearts in this, his first cartoon. That's all, really, but he does it in such a cute and engaging way, surrounded by other cute characters such as an insect band and a piano that plays itself with its front legs. Engaging and cartoony.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ****. Weirdness: ****. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ****.

Annabelle Butterfly Dance #1 (film #2 on the Viva la Dance disc of Unseen Cinema DVD Boxed Set (Image Entertainment, 2005)). [Category: Early Film & TV]

A woman with butterfly wings and a voluminous skirt dances gracefully while twirling her skirt around. This has a certain otherworldly beauty about it not found in films today. An 1894 Edison film.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: *. Weirdness: ****. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ****.

Be Fresh (film #14 in The Modern 70s Woman section of TVParty). [Category: Commercial]

Mildly amusing 70s commercial featuring a cranky maid who “doesn’t do toilets” because Be Fresh, an in-bowl toilet bowl cleaner, is a “shower for the bowl.” The actress playing the maid created a wonderfully cranky character, making this commercial fun.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ****. Weirdness: ****. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ****.

Aga: Tiberias Catastrophe (film #9 in the Pre-State section of Stephen Spielberg Jewish Film Archive). [Category: Sleaze & Outsider]

This 30s newsreel about a flood in a Palestinian city was the first newsreel narrated in Hebrew. English subtitles are provided, but unfortunately they are almost impossible to read because of lack of contrast with the background film. Too bad; understanding the narration would have increased the historical value of this for English-speakers like me. As is, the film still has some historical value for being a first in the Hebrew language.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: *. Weirdness: *. Historical Interest: ***. Overall Rating: **.

Adventure in Israel (film #1 in the General section of the State of Israel section of Stephen Spielberg Jewish Film Archive). [Category: Public Service]

This 50s film, narrated by George Jessel and his 11-year-old daughter Geralyn, documents their trip to Israel and appeals to viewers to contribute to the United Jewish Appeal to help with resettlement of refugees. It’s done in the lighthearted and rather silly style of a Hollywood travelogue short, but the scenes of refugees in transit camps, and building homes in pioneer settlements, are genuinely touching, giving the film a note of reality that you don’t expect given its style. Jessel’s assertion that all that is really needed to solve the refugees’ problems is more money is poignant from today’s perspective, considering the ongoing violence the people of Israel have had to put up with. An interesting historical artifact from the post-war period.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ***. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ****.

The Choice Is Yours (film #3 on Boozers & Losers, Vol. 1 (Something Weird, 2000)). [Category: Educational]

Teenaged Louise and her little brother Jerry like to visit Louise's chemistry teacher on a regular basis so he can "practice his lectures on them." Since this is an educational film made by the Women's Christian Temperance Union, this raises no eyebrows, nor does it deserve to. The teacher actually does give Jerry and Louise a long, detailed lecture on the Evils of Drink––er, the Effects of Alcohol on the Body, complete with visual aids. Actually, this film is a lot less patronizing than most of its ilk––the chemistry prof actually treats Jerry and Louise as if they were halfway intelligent and capable of thinking for themselves. Of course, the deck is stacked in favor of them coming to the conclusion that drinking is bad, but what do you expect? The WCTU really stretches it, though, when they show children living in ghetto conditions and try to imply that this is entirely due to alcohol consumption. But for the most part, this film is a bit more intelligent than you'd expect.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ***. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: ***. Overall Rating: ***.