The Black Hand (film #5 on The Origins of Cinema, Volume Three: The Films of American Mutoscope and Biograph Mature (Video Yesteryear, 1995)). [Category: Early Film & TV]

An evil conspiracy called the Black Hand kidnaps a butcher's little girl and holds her for ransom. Fortunately, the ruffians are brought to justice, thanks to the efficient efforts of New York's Finest and the pluck of the little girl herself. A fun melodrama full of great stuff for the Film Ephemera Museum of Quirky Devices, such as the signs in the butcher shop ("LAMB 12¢ POUND", "HAM 8¢") and the priceless ransom note. A 1906 Biograph film.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ****. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ****.

Godzilla Movie Trailer Collection (Toho, 1996). [Category: Commercial]

When I ordered this tape from Mickey's Toys and Collectibles, I thought it would be a standard collection of trailers from Godzilla movies. Well, that's what it turned out to be––a collection of trailers from all the Godzilla movies––all the Japanese trailers from the Japanese versions, that is. In Japanese. With no English subtitles. Despite that, or even because of it, it's a pretty interesting collection of trailers. Godzilla fans in particular will enjoy seeing non-dubbed, original clips from these movies for a change. Godzilla is pretty serious business in Japan (or at least it's not as much of a joke as it is here), and this tape allows you to finally see why––the original acting is much better than the English dubbing we're all used to. This comes through even if you can't understand Japanese at all. And some of the trailers have fun visual moments, such as Minya's cartoon balloons in the trailer for Son of Godzilla (I would love to get a translation of those), and the cool plastic model kits you can get for Godzilla vs. Queen Mothra. Another interesting thing you find out is that Western classical music was often used in the soundtracks to Godzilla movies, and sometimes odd choices, such as Offenbach's traditional can-can music (the real title of that piece escapes me). Even if you can't understand a word of Japanese, I recommend giving this tape a try, especially if you're a Godzilla fan. MSTIES, TAKE NOTE: Contains the trailers for Godzilla vs. the Sea Monster and Godzilla vs. Megalon (the Japanese versions, of course). SPECIAL TIP: My husband, consummate Godzilla fan that he is, could identify all the movies on this tape, despite the language difference. If you're not quite that Godzilla-intensive, though, there is an easy way to identify the movies. They're in straight chronological order. So if you just get a chronological list of the Godzilla movies, that will tell you the order of the trailers on this tape. One such list is the table of contents for the book Godzilla: King of the Movie Monsters by Robert Marrero.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ***. Weirdness: **** (probably less if you understand Japanese). Historical Interest: *** (add one if you're a Godzilla fan). Overall Rating: ****.

The Mighty Hercules (film #36 on Chicago Television (Hollywood's Attic, 1996). [Category: Outtakes & Obscurities]

This is mostly just a cheap, poorly-acted limited-animation kid's cartoon version of a sword-and-sandal movie, though it does have its moments. Hercules' faun sidekick is thoroughly evil and the terrible voice acting provides great msting fodder. Did any kid really enjoy this?

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ****. Weirdness: ****. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ****.

Bugs Bunny Nips the Nips (film #1 on WWII Cartoons, Vol. 1 VCD (The Authentic History Center). [Category: Military & Propaganda]

Bugs Bunny gets shipwrecked on a Pacific island and does battle with a whole slew of outrageously stereotyped Japanese soldiers. He pulls a bunch of standard Bugs gags, including switcheroos, dressing in drag, and hiding grenades in ice cream bars. Funny moments include a soldier who makes a self-referential comment after recognizing Bugs in disguise, and Bugs’ encounter with a sumo wrestler. The stereotypes are pretty outrageous, but this is a funny Bugs toon anyway.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ****. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ****.

Inside Cackle Corners (film #5 on An American Retrospective Through Animation (Moviecraft, 1994)). [Category: Industrial]

Feuding barnyard businessmen Pop Webfoot (a duck) and Mr. Redcomb (a chicken) compete to win the favors of Mrs. Consumer (another chicken) by making fancier and more ridiculous kitchen gadgets. Of course, this competition results in a sort of barnyard utopia, 50s-populuxe-style. This film is a bit more appealing than the others on this tape, both because of the barnyard setting and the fun "Kitchen of Tomorrow" ending.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ***. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: *****. Overall Rating: ****.

Cobweb Hotel (film #12 on Cartoon Crazys: Sci-Fi (WinStar Home Entertainment, 1999). Also, film #7 on Weird Cartoons (Rhino, 1987)). [Category: Hollywood]

This cartoon is not really all that weird, not in comparison with a lot of others of its time (1930s). It has the standard 1930s cartoon plot of a bunch of cute little characters battling a big ugly bad guy––in this case, a bunch of flies battling a big ugly spider who runs the "Cobweb Hotel", which is really a front for his web! For all that, though, it's a pretty fun cartoon with great artwork and animation. Rhino gets docked 10 points for cutting off the ending, though.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ***. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: ***. Overall Rating: ***.

BBC1 Schools #5 (film #8 in the Schools section of TVArk). [Category: Educational]

This is similar to #4, but the soundtrack is now easy listening. This probably put students to sleep! I say bring back disco.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: *. Weirdness: **. Historical Interest: ***. Overall Rating: **.

The Biter Bit (film #33 on The Movies Begin, Volume Two: The European Pioneers (Kino Video, 1994)). [Category: Early Film & TV]

D'oh! A prankster gets his when he pulls the old stepping-on-the-garden-hose trick on an unsuspecting, but subsequently cranky, gardener. That's the risk you run being a wise guy, bub. A 1900 James A. Williamson film.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ***. Weirdness: **. Historical Interest: ***. Overall Rating: ***.

From Beyond - Science Fiction Trailers (films #8 to #32 on Godzilla Trailers & Sci-Fi Monsters (Simitar Entertainment, 1998)). [Category: Commercial]

O.K. This is just a collection of 50s and 60s science fiction trailers. I really don't have much to say about this as most of these trailers appear on other collections that I've already reviewed. But it is a pretty decent collection if you don't have the others. Each trailer is introduced briefly by the narrator, but it's not that distracting. Host Joey Travolta seems to exist only to say hello and goodbye, which is kind of odd. Msties take note: Contains the trailers for Robot Monster, The Astounding She-Monster, Attack of the Giant Leeches, The Mole People, Gamera and Queen of Outer Space (the Great Lost Mst3k Episode).

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ***. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ***.

Lego Knights (extra on Monty Python and the Holy Grail DVD (Columbia Tri-Star, 2001)). [Category: Outtakes & Obscurities]

Oh, on second thought, let's not play with Legos. It is a silly toy. (P.S. This bit of ephemera is absolutely essential.)

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ****. Weirdness: *****. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: *****.

Bugs Bunny Bond Promo (film #1 on Cartoon Scandals (Goodtimes, 1987)). [Category: Military & Propaganda]

Bugs, assisted by Elmer and Porky, sings "Any Bonds Today?", a song pitching War Bonds. This already short cartoon has the opening visuals covered by a superimposed introduction to the tape. Pretty standard, though Bugs' impersonation of Al Jolson is mildly amusing.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ***. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ***.

In the Suburbs (in the Ephemeral section of Open Video Project. Also, film #4 on Our Secret Century, Vol. 6: The Uncharted Landscape CD-ROM (Voyager). Also, film #742 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Industrial]

We're talking 50s, folks. 50s big white families with big cars who live in little boxes made of ticky-tacky that all look just the same. 50s "young adults" who go to the mall and spend lots of money. Redbook magazine, the makers of this film, claimed to have its fingers on the pulse of this big-spending bunch from the ‘burbs. The film was obviously made to sell this demographic group to advertisers, and seeing such a film illuminates how much the 50s suburban nuclear family mythos was a marketing creation. These "young adults" are portrayed as consumers only, not as actual people. Although the film pays lip service to 50s social and political issues in the form of brief newsreel clips, it's just to show how "serious" these young adults are, and how Redbook addresses this "seriousness" by running articles like "The Sexual Responsibility of Women". But don't worry, advertisers, they're not too serious––they're back at the mall in the next scene. What's really scary is how these rigid marketing concepts became ideals to aspire to during the 50s, and how they've become items of nostalgia today. A fascinating behind-the-scenes look at the creation of the 50s suburban reality tunnel.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ***. Weirdness: ****. Historical Interest: *****. Overall Rating: ****.

Circus on Ice (MST3K Episode #421: Monster-a-Go-Go). [Category: Hollywood]

CIRCUS?? ON ICE??!!!! Yes, this newsreel featurette of the Toronto Ice Carnival is just as bad as it sounds. It would be mind-numbingly dull if it weren't so cheesy. Maybe some people like to watch ice carnivals live (though I'm willing to bet it's about as many as like to eat fruitcake), but a cheesy film of an ice carnival rates below zero on the audience appeal meter. And they couldn't have picked a worse theme than the circus (but I won't go off on that topic as I still have Here Comes the Circus to review). As Joel says, "Even my mom would be bored with this!" The msting is some of their best ever, though: "They are agents of Satan...", "And now a clown will deliver the eulogy...", "She can do that because she feels fresh!", etc.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ****. Weirdness: ****. Historical Interest: BOMB. Msting: *****. Overall Rating: *****.

BBC1 Schools #4 (film #7 in the Schools section of TVArk). [Category: Educational]

This counter is like the one in #3, only the letters in the center remain stationary, and the ponderous classical music soundtrack has been replaced by a generic disco soundtrack. Can you tell this was from 1978?

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: **. Weirdness: **. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: **.

The Big Swallow (film #36 on The Movies Begin, Volume Two: The European Pioneers (Kino Video, 1994)). [Category: Early Film & TV]

The whole camera, cameraman included, goes down the hatch in what is indeed a very big swallow. A rather silly 1901 James A. Williamson film.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ***. Weirdness: ****. Historical Interest: ***. Overall Rating: ****.

Frigidaire Finale (in the Ephemeral section of Open Video Project. Also, film #5 on Our Secret Century, Volume One: The Rainbow Is Yours CD-ROM (Voyager). Also, film #566 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Commercial]

This short film, designed to introduce the 1956 Frigidaire product line, is all style over substance. It's style over everything, in fact––there's no narration, no product information of any kind, just music and a glamorously-dressed couple dancing around appliances. Did people really get this excited about stoves and refrigerators?

Highlights:

• The big highlight of the display is a black refrigerator! The reproductions of print ads provided as reference on the CD-ROM shows that this model really was sold. But to whom? In all my born days, I've never known anybody who had a black refrigerator.
  
• There's a really weird Freudian moment when the male dancer tries to get close to the female dancer, only to end up with a bin full of ice cubes. The producers had to know what they were doing here––the reference to "frigidity" is just too obvious. But what is this doing in a sales film probably targeted at women?
  
• This product line was called "The Sheer Look" for no possible reason I could discern. Even the female dancer's dress wasn't sheer, much less the appliances.
  

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ***. Weirdness: ****. Historical Interest: *****. Overall Rating: ***.

Kid-a-Vision (Digital Mirage). [Category: Outtakes & Obscurities]

If you spent as much time in front of the tv as I did when you were a kid, all it would take would be this tape and Classic Toy Commercials to relive your childhood. Openings from most of the kidvid shows you remember from the 50s, 60s, and 70s are here, and some you don't remember as well ("Salty"? "Korg: 70,000 B.C."? "Dodo, the Kid from Outer Space"?). I particularly enjoy the cheesier 50s shows, such as "Johnny Jupiter" and "Andy's Gang", and the weird, psychedelia-influenced 60s shows, such as "The Banana Splits". Digital Mirage gets 5 extra points for providing an accurate list of the clips on the back of the box.

Highlights:

• See a young Alan Hale star in "Casey Jones". See an old Jay North star in "Maya".
  
• Kix cereal is "83% energy food!" In case you don't know, "energy food" is a food industry euphemism for "sugar". You do the math.
  
• Personally, I'd rather not know that "The Mighty Hercules" has "iron in his thighs".
  
• Aren't you embarrassed to admit that you know all the words to the "H.R. Pufnstuff" theme?
  

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ***. Weirdness: ****. Historical Interest: *****. Overall Rating: ****.

Brezhnev (film #246 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Military & Propaganda]

This Russian documentary on the life of Soviet premiere Leonid Brezhnev is narrated entirely in Spanish. Why is hard to say, unless perhaps it was meant for Cuban audiences. There is a brief moment where Brezhnev talks to Castro, but it’s not any longer than the brief moment he talks to Gerald Ford, and the film was obviously not made for American audiences. At any rate, if you don’t speak Spanish, it’s pretty confusing, though certain things are pretty obvious, such as that Brezhnev was a “man of the people,” that he liked to mingle with crowds, that lots of old babushka ladies liked him, that he met with lots of foreign dignitaries, and that there was a pretty big war in the Soviet Union back in the 40s. Other than that, you’re on your own. There is lots of historically interesting footage of Soviet life from the turn of the century to the 70s; it would be a lot more interesting if you could understand the narration, but there you are.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: *. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: **.

Hidden Grievance (film #11 on The Educational Archives, Volume Four: On the Job DVD (Fantoma, 2002)). [Category: Industrial]

This is another "discussion film," like The Grapevine. Jake, a machinist with a Canadian accent, has a lot of complaints––the light's too dim, his feet hurt, etc. His foreman tries to be accomodating, but no dice. Jake finally tells him his real beef––he thinks he's being given all the tough jobs and none of the easy ones. The foreman tries to tell him that the jobs he's been assigned are no tougher than what anyone else has to do, but Jake doesn't believe him. So he goes and files a complaint with the union that he's being discriminated against, for being Canadian, I guess. What's the poor foreman to do? Again, this has a "What do you think?" ending. This seems a little more fair than The Grapevine. Neither Jake nor the foreman is made out to be a total bad guy––it seems like the problem is more a result of a misunderstanding. I'm not sure how I would handle it, frankly.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: **. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ***.

Circus (film #22 on The Cartoons That Time Forgot: The Ub Iwerks Collection, Vol. 2 DVD (Image Entertainment, 1999)). [Category: Hollywood]

Flip the Frog runs a hot dog stand at the circus in this one, complete with anthropomorphic hot dogs. OK, folks, you know how I feel about walking and talking food, so we'll move on. Flip valiantly agrees to chase down a pickpocket, resulting in a ridiculous chase scene. Another cute and fun Flip the Frog cartoon, with extra points for the hot dogs.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ****. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ****.