Always on Call (film #327 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Public Service]

A policeman visits a sick old lady and tries to get her to accept help from the Community Chest. This gives him a chance to give a spiel that's really designed to get all the audience members to give to the Community Chest. Still, this is a charming film with a message that's not too heavy-handed, focusing on all the good the charity does. This was filmed in St. Louis and it gives you a nice historical snapshot of that city's social services during the 40s.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: **. Weirdness: **. Historical Interest: *****. Overall Rating: ****.

Audio Test #4 (film #7 in the Indie section of Movieflix (www.movieflix.com)). [Category: Outtakes & Obscurities]

A guy who makes videos tries to seduce a woman by asking her to do an audio check with him. He is unsuccessful until he makes the claim that fat women are better lovers. There's some talent evident here but it probably won't come into fruition until the guy's hormone levels go down.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: **. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: **. Overall Rating: **.

Black Power: The Protest at the 1968 Mexico City Games (track #28 on Stay Tuned: Television's Unforgettable Moments DVD (Garner Creative Concepts, 2002)). [Category: News]

This "unforgettable moment" of athletes Tommy Smith and John Carlos giving the Black Power salute when receiving their medals at the 1968 Olympic games has been greatly enhanced by interview footage from Smith, who tells us why he did what he did, the fallout of it, and what he thinks about it now. All I can say is that Smith is one courageous person. One of the best tracks on the Stay Tuned DVD.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: N/A. Weirdness: **. Historical Interest: *****. Overall Rating: ****.

The Arm Behind the Army (film #392 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Military & Propaganda]

The "arm behind the army" is Industry! Working to make the world safe for democracy! This is the quintessential WWII industrial incentive film. Stirring narration and rousing music tell the story of how workers in Allied nations are playing a vital role in winning the war, which will free the enslaved workers of Axis nations. The pro-worker line is a tad bit hypocritical when you consider how "pro-worker" American business was before the war. Still, even that was a lot better than the way the Axis was treating its workers, which was little better than, and sometimes not better than slave labor. An interesting bit of probably effective wartime propaganda.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: **. Weirdness: **. Historical Interest: *****. Overall Rating: ****.

All in One (film #317 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Industrial]

This Jam Handy production for Chevrolet has one of the flimsier premises. It starts out as a salute to dogs and how they serve human beings in various ways. Then it segues to a story about a kid with a dog cart and how he and his buddies adapt the cart for better speed and performance––the finished cart looks incredibly silly. All this is supposed to have something to do with how great Chevrolets are but the connection is really stretching it. It must have been a slow idea day at Jam Handy when they came up with this one.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ***. Weirdness: ****. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ***.

Mt. Rushmore Newsreel (extra on Mt. Rushmore-Crazy Horse & the Black Hills DVD (Holiday, 2001)). [Category: News]

This is actually not a single newsreel, but a collection of newsreel clips documenting the carving of Mt. Rushmore, starting in the 20s and ending in the 50s. The clips are unedited, except for the addition of a dorky MOR soundtrack to the silent clips. The clips form an interesting document of newsreel coverage of the monument's creation. But what happened to the soundtrack of the 50s clip of President Eisenhower dedicating the memorial? Film quality is not too good, but still watchable. Despite its flaws, I think this was worth including on the Mt. Rushmore-Crazy Horse DVD.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: *. Weirdness: *. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ****.

The Atomic Cafe (The Archives Project, 1982). [Category: Military & Propaganda]

This classic montage of Cold War ephemera was one of the first things to whet my interest in the subject. There's no narration here––just clips from Cold War ephemera from the late 40s and early 50s strung together to create a fascinating portrait of the era. As far as I know, there are only two other films that are similar montages: Brother, Can You Spare a Dime? (about the Depression) and Swastika (about Nazi Germany) (though if anybody knows of any others, be sure to let me know!). The soundtrack contains lots of popular songs with Cold War and atomic themes, such as "Jesus Hits Like an Atom Bomb" or "Atomic Cocktail". There's tons of jaw-dropping moments here, such as the residents of St. George, Utah, who were accidentally hit with radioactive winds after a bomb test, being told to close their windows for an hour; the assertion that the native residents of Bikini Atoll welcomed having their island destroyed by an a-bomb test because it provided them with a break in their dull, drab routine; or the assertion that Japan may have to be hit with 4 or 5 atomic bombs before they will believe that the U.S. has such a weapon. There's so much stupidity here (we're told that the "simple" Bikini natives "know as little about the atom bomb as we do") that I'm amazed we didn't blow up the world back then. A must.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: *****. Weirdness: *****. Historical Interest: *****. Overall Rating: *****.

American Look.

This lavish, Technicolor, widescreen film, sponsored by General Motors, purports to be a salute to "stylists" (read industrial and graphic designers), but it actually had an ulterior motive––to justify GM's annual model changes. It doesn't get any more "modern" than this––using the word to mean both design influenced by Modernism in art and what was the "latest thing" in the 1950s. Images of one brightly colored, modernistic gadget or home furnishing after another are shown, while the narrator tells us how modern Americans (meaning attractive, upper middle class white Americans) are concerned more than ever before with the look of things. The people, though, definitely take a back seat to the "stuff" in this film. And all the stuff is shown as existing primarily for looks––even the items with practical functions are not shown being actually used. A few items are demonstrated, but only like they would be in a store, i.e. an electric mixer is shown spinning in an empty glass bowl. The film concludes with a "behind the scenes look at the design process", as we see designers working on the 1959 Chevrolet behind locked doors. We get to see that it was essentially designed by a committee and that the "best elements" from every designer's work were combined to make a composite that was supposed to be greater than the sum of its parts. This car was the one with the back end that was one big set of tailfins––it's hard to believe now that this was considered "great design" in its time, though it was (at least in this film). The incredible populuxe attitude that infuses this film, and all the examples of modern design, make this a real 1950s time capsule.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ***. Weirdness: *****. Historical Interest: *****. Overall Rating: ****.

Bambi Meets Godzilla (film #1 on Weird Cartoons (Rhino, 1987) Also, extra on Godzilla and Other Movie Monsters (Passport Video, 1998). Also, film #7 on Godzilla Trailers & Sci-Fi Monsters (Simitar Entertainment, 1998)). [Category: Hollywood]

A classic. I won't give away the ending, but if you haven't seen this, you definitely need to. Interesting trivia: Apparently, Marv Newland made this as a class assignment at the last minute! Shows what a little deadline pressure can do.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: *****. Weirdness: *****. Historical Interest: ***. Overall Rating: *****.

Allen Carpet Commercial (film #323 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Commercial]

A housewife is served coffee and mints by a solicitous carpet salesman who wants to please her so much it hurts. And it hurts to watch him. A mildly amusing bit of commercial flotsam from the 60s.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ***. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: ***. Overall Rating: ***.

Because of Eve extras (extras on Because of Eve (Something Weird)). [Category: Sleaze & Outsider]

To complete the "roadshow" theme, I guess, Something Weird threw on a bunch of really weird psychedelic stripper footage to the end of this tape. Strippers switch back and forth between positive and negative film images, get tormented by black blobs drawn on the fim stock, interact in a disturbing way with snakes, and generally behave in a trippy fashion. Weird, man, weird.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ***. Weirdness: *****. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ***.

Along the Way (film #324 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Public Service]

This 60s film gives a glowing report on the progress of building the BART (Bay Area Rapid Trasit) subway and interurban train system in the San Francisco bay area. Endless footage of construction is shown while the narrator tells us how wonderful it and good for the city it will all be. Whether or not it fulfilled this rosy promise is not for me to say, since I've never been to San Francisco. I guess this film has some historical value, though.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: *. Weirdness: **. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: **.

Alphabet Antics (MST3K Episode #307: Daddy-O). [Category: Educational]

Kindergartners are taught the alphabet through the use of stock footage. Seriously, it seems like the only criteria used for choosing what will represent each letter is what stock footage they had lying around, and if they didn't have anything good for a particular letter, they just used what they had and stretched it (example: "T" is for "trying terribly hard" and the visual is some bear cubs trying to reach baby bottles hung from a string just out of their reach––Tom Servo says "T is for tormented, tortured, and teased!" which would fit just as well). Some of the stock footage looks positively ancient. The msting is pretty good.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ***. Weirdness: ****. Historical Interest: **. Msting: ***. Overall Rating: ***.

Arrival of Express at Lyons (film #2 on Pioneers of the French Cinema (Hollywood's Attic, 1996). Also, film #6 on The Movies Begin, Volume Two: The European Pioneers (Kino Video, 1994) (titled "Arrivee d'un Train")). [Category: Early Film & TV]

A train pulls into a station going 15 miles per hour. A bunch of people get off and get on. No other train pulls into no other station on no other track. How long is your interest held? Show your work. An 1895 Lumiere film. The version on The Movies Begin is in much better shape than the version on Pioneers of the French Cinema.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: *. Weirdness: *. Historical Interest: **. Overall Rating: *.

The Auction (film #6 in the Indie Section of Movieflix (www.movieflix.com)). [Category: Outtakes & Obscurities]

This film features a high-class art auction in which some of the participants are dangerous psychos and most of the other participants are merely annoying psychos. Natually, things degenerate into chaos eventually. This mostly elicits a big "huh?", but it is a lot better than most of the other Movieflix Indie films I've seen so far. Some of the characters are pretty interesting and the humor is generally above college freshman level, which it deserves some credit for. Still, I think it would be better if it were just a little bit less obtuse.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ***. Weirdness: *****. Historical Interest: **. Overall Rating: ***.

The Big Bounce (film #450 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: News]

This film, made by Bell Labs, documents the first satellite telephone transmissions, using a satellite balloon named Echo. Considering how ubiquitous satellite communications are today, this is rather quaint to watch. It's pretty straightforward and well-made, with some mstable moments. President Eisenhower's recorded message, back with "America the Beautiful" is schmaltzy as all get-out. Overall the film is a mildly interesting bit of history.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ***. Weirdness: **. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ***.

Appointment in Tokyo (film #2 in the WWII section of Movieflix (www.movieflix.com)). [Category: Military & Propaganda]

This film documents the war in the Pacific during the last months of WWII, especially the drive to re-take the Phillipines. Battle and tactical footage is interspersed with interesting sequences that dramatize the GIs' thoughts, as well as fairly grisly footage of the dead, the wounded, and the suffering. The film ends with scenes of the formal Japanese surrender on the U.S.S. Missouri. All in all, it's an interesting document of the last days of the war, from an American perspective. Especially interesting is some of the footage of the infantry slogging away through the mud––you really get a sense of what it must have been like to have been one of them.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: N/A. Weirdness: **. Historical Interest: *****. Overall Rating: ****.

The Alchemist in Hollywood (film #312 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Industrial]

Hollywood film processors try to show us how exciting their career is by making the most boring film ever. They start by writing a script that tells us in excruciating detail the exact chemical processes of film development. They hire boring narrators to carefully and slowly read the script word-for-word (at one point, you actually hear one of them turning the pages!). They illustrate this science lecture with such exciting visuals as plain title cards with chemical formulas on them, disembodied hands mixing things in beakers, and bored-looking technicians doing their jobs with grim determination. Isn't Hollywood an amazing land of dreams?

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: **. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: **.

Classic Sci-Fi Trailers, Vol. 3 (Sinister Cinema). [Category: Commercial]

Still more science fiction movie trailers from the 50s and 60s. This tape contains a lot of trailers from particularly campy movies, so lovers of cheese should enjoy it. Ends with a bang with the trailer from 2001: A Space Odyssey.

Highlights:

• Did you know that Them! is an acronym for Terror, Horror, Excitement, and Mystery?
  
• The trailer for The Giant Claw actually shows the monster! What were they thinking? (And if you've never seen this, the single most ridiculous-looking monster in screen history, you are sorely deprived and need this tape!)
  
• The Brain Eaters will "burst your blood vessels with suspense"! And if that's not enough, see Attack of the Giant Leeches, where "fear will pierce your flesh"!
  
• Journey to the Center of the Earth stars Pat Boone and Gertrude the Duck! See their journey through the Mammoth Mushroom Forest!
  
• The Hideous Sun Demon breaks into the lab of "Atomic Research, Inc." Gee, I wonder what that company's business is?
  
• Gorgo is as "incredibly realistic" and "shockingly convincing" as Robot Monster.
  
• Gimmick Alert! Mysterious Island is filmed in Superdynamation!
  
• Msties, take note: contains the trailers for Revenge of the Creature, This Island Earth, The Crawling Eye, I Was a Teenage Werewolf, The Unearthly, Attack of the Giant Leeches, Gorgo, The Horror of Party Beach, and Thunderbirds Are Go.
  

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ****. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ****.

The Flying Saucer Mystery (Sinister Cinema). [Category: Sleaze & Outsider]

This short exploitation "documentary" about flying saucers is pretty much what you'd expect, and that means it's pretty campy. There's the usual array of blurry photographs of barely visible round objects in the sky, local yokels giving eyewitness reports, scientists pooh-poohing it all, and air force generals reassuring us that they found no threat to national security from all this. An extra element of weirdness is provided by the aerodynamically-sound ears on most of the people in the film, including a real pair of whoppers on UFO expert Donald Keyhoe. Lots of fun. Sinister Cinema rounded out the tape with a selection of 50s sci-fi movie trailers with an alien invasion theme.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ****. Weirdness: ****. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ****.

The Airport (film #308 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Educational]

This straightforward Encyclopedia Brittanica film about airports is pretty dull in and of itself, but it has tremendous msting potential. With lines like "Here is the pilot. He is high in his plane," and "The passengers are waiting to get off," how can you resist? And when you see how small and low-tech the airports are and how easy it is for passengers to get on a flight, you will probably have a lot of post-9/11 hostility to vent.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ****. Weirdness: **. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ***.

America Goes Over (film #343 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Early Film & TV]

This is a sort of This Film Is Restricted for World War I, which is surprising, because I didn't know such a thing existed. This 1918 U.S. Government war newsreel tries its best to give the viewer a complete picture of what it was like Over There. The usual battle scenes are interspersed with fascinating human interest stuff, such as recruits getting their teeth inspected, Salvation Army volunteers handing out doughnuts, doughboys getting their heads shaved, KP, slop buckets, trench digging, interrogating German prisoners, animal mascots, and yes, dead bodies (though shown only briefly and without a lot of blood). Many of the title cards have cartoon drawings of doughboys in various humorous situations (for example, check out what the cartoonist counts as "decorations"). Kudos to the Prelinger Archive for preserving this––it has incredible historical value.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: N/A. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: *****+. Overall Rating: *****.

Alexis Lichine Wine Commercial (film #338 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Commercial]

Standard, unremarkable early 60s wine commercial. It does have a good shot of a cork coming out of a bottle with a loud pop, if you're looking for footage of that.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: *. Weirdness: *. Historical Interest: **. Overall Rating: *.

Beauty and the Beast (extra on The Beast That Killed Women/The Monster of Camp Sunshine DVD (Something Weird, 2001)). [Category: Sleaze & Outsider]

Hey! I've got an idea! Wouldn't one of these burlesque dancing shorts be a lot better if a guy in a gorilla costume came out and ripped the woman's clothes off? A guy in a really bad gorilla costume?? This definitely goes into the "I can't believe I'm watching this" category. I'm sure this is what the woman in the film went to dancing school for.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ****. Weirdness: *****. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ****.

All the Way Home (film #319 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Public Service]

Remember the 50s, folks? Remember what a better, simpler time it was? Remember how people lived in nice safe neighborhoods where it was safe for children to play? Unless, of course, you show the house you are selling to an African-American family. Then tongues will wag, telephone harassment will ensue, and your grandchild will get a can of black paint thrown at her from a moving car. Ah yes, racism. That was a part of the 50s, too. This film about housing discrimination serves as a reminder that it really wasn't so long ago that most white people were sure that the presence of a single black family in their neighborhood would turn it into a slum, realtors made under-the-table agreements with banks to turn down mortgages from African-Americans who wanted to move into the "wrong" neighborhood, home sellers were harassed for even showing their houses to persons of the wrong skin color, and it was all because of ignorant stereotypes on the order of "they smell" or "I've got two daughters to protect!" One interesting point the film makes is the implication that the local realtor may be stirring up racial fears in order to drum up more business. It also shows how courageous you had to be to buck this tide. An excellent, intelligently-made document of a 50s social problem that is worth watching now, lest we allow ourselves to slip back into those old ways.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: N/A. Weirdness: **. Historical Interest: *****. Overall Rating: *****.

Creation excerpts (film #7 on Creature Silent Feature (Creepy Classics). Also, extra #3 on Dinosaurs! (Simitar Entertainment, 1993). Also, film #6 on Willis O'Brien Films (LS Video)). [Category: Outtakes & Obscurities]

Scenes from Creation, an unfinished 1931 film with stop-motion animation done by Willis O'Brien (the man who animated King Kong). Stop motion dinosaurs frolic on a jungle set along with various zoo animals. The highlight is a very upsetting scene of a really cute baby triceratops getting shot by a Great White Hunter. The final scene is of the mama triceratops chasing the hunter, and you will definitely be rooting for the dinosaur all the way. An interesting relic, especially for animation fans.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ***. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ***.

The Antiques Toadshow (film #4 in the Indie Section of Movieflix (www.movieflix.com)). [Category: Outtakes & Obscurities]

This parody of "The Antiques Roadshow" would have probably been a lot funnier if it had been written by somebody over the age (or mental age) of 20. As it is, one segment makes fun of dumb blondes, one segment makes fun of old women, and one segment makes fun of people from South America. This would be offensive but it's just way too lame. And where are all the toads?

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: *. Weirdness: **. Historical Interest: *. Overall Rating: *.

ABC News Good Morning America (film #2 on Television Archive). [Category: News]

Why has a recent episode of "Good Morning America" been preserved on the internet? Well, the date of broadcast was 9-11-01––does that give you a clue? The Television Archive contains streaming videos of 9-11 "we interrupt this program" footage from around the world. This 30-minute clip of "Good Morning America" is mostly ordinary and uneventful: a veterenarian talks about special pet food that increases the lifespan of dogs and cats, the lead actor of "The Mind of a Married Man" talks about the premiere of that show, the weatherman makes silly comments about audience members (this segment just screams "slow news day"), Sarah Ferguson talks about Weight Watchers, cut to commercial. And then the biggest news story in years breaks. This doesn't happen until about 3/4ths of the way through the clip, so be patient. This is real "we interrupt this program" stuff, as the GMA hosts are totally confused about what has just happened and are flailing around to find things to say. They make contact with an ABC reporter on the scene, who tells them he heard the initial explosion and is sure it wasn't a prop plane that crashed into the building, but thinks it might have been a missle. This is exactly the sort of thing I really want to collect for the News category––breaking news stories exactly as they were originally broadcast. The Television Archive deserves a lot of credit for preserving this stuff. Unfortunately, the site is rather undependable––sometimes you can watch the footage and sometimes you can't. I encourage readers who are unsuccessful with the archive to keep trying at other times. Eventually, you'll pick a day when the site is working properly and the footage is worth the effort.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: N/A. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: *****+. Overall Rating: *****.

An Answer (film #385 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Military & Propaganda]

JFK, along with LBJ, members of Congress (is that Gerald Ford having breakfast with the enlisted men?), NATO representatives, and other bigwigs, inspects the Navy and Marines, who do their best to give him the best show possible. Military buffs will probably enjoy this, as it contains lots of ships, planes, and things blowing up, but others will probably find it rather dull, though there is some eerie footage of JFK riding in an open car. And it does have historical value as a document of state-of-the-art military hardware and techniques from the early 60s.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: **. Weirdness: **. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ***.

Life Looks Back (Goodtimes, 1989). [Category: News]

Another "photo album" of news-bites, coincidentally starting just about where Headline Stories of the Century leaves off––early 60s––and going on through the 70s and 80s. This time it's tv news footage we're seeing, but it just isn't as interesting as the other tape, mainly because they focus on the big news stories instead of the silly pop culture stuff of the other tape. And they deal with each story so briefly that it really doesn't tell you anything new about it. Only of marginal interest.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: *. Weirdness: *. Historical Interest: **. Overall Rating: **.

Alaska's Silver Millions

Millions of salmon, that is. This well-made film, sponsored by the American Can Company and narrated by "the glacier priest," first gives an overview of Alaska's geography, then shows us the life cycle of the salmon from birth to spawning, then shows how the salmon are caught and canned in Alaska's biggest pre-oil industry. It's part travelogue, part nature documentary, and part industrial film, and all three parts are quite well done and interesting. Some of the more spectacular scenes include glaciers breaking apart, salmon fighting their way upstream, thousands of salmon being caught in huge nets and traps, and the amazing, fully-automated canning process, where salmon go from live ocean fish to canned food product in the space of 12 hours. This film has a great deal of historical value and is also one of the better factory-tour-type industrial films. Corporate propaganda is kept to a minimum, probably because the visuals speak for themselves.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: *. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: *****. Overall Rating: ****.

American Harvest.

This slick, GM-sponsored film, part of the series which produced American Look, at first seems to be a tribute to farmers and miners and all others who produce raw materials. But there's something a little off about the tribute--corn is for making plastics and synthetic rubber, sugar is for carbon and lampblack, cattle are for producing leather--none of these raw materials seem to be for the purposes we usually think they are for. And then it becomes clear after awhile--these are all materials that are used to make cars. And the uses the auto industry makes of these materials are shown to be the only really important uses. Just about when we figure this out, the film turns into a sort of 50s version of Master Hands, only with much less effective visual imagery and lots of bombastic narration to tell us what we're supposed to think. And what we're supposed to think is that what's good for General Motors is good for the country. This becomes all too clear in the final segment of the film, in which we get to see how much the automobile has changed our lives and how wonderful it all is. I mean, isn't it great that we get to go to drive-ins and eat in the car instead of going to eat at a stuffy old sit-down restaurant? Or that rural children are bused to large consolidated schools with lots of other children instead of walking to small one-room schoolhouses? Or that boring old downtown business districts have been replaced with shiny new shopping malls in the suburbs? There's a large dose of the kind of corporate religion spouted in Round and Round, too--the word "interdependent" is used in practically every sentence. This film is rather boring and ordinary on the surface, but the more you think about it, the more appalling it becomes.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: **. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ***.

Balloon Land (film #20 on The Cartoons That Time Forgot: The Ub Iwerks Collection, Vol. 2 DVD (Image Entertainment, 1999). Also, film #10 on The Cartoons That Time Forgot, Volume 3: Things That Go Bump in the Night (Kino Video, 1993)). [Category: Hollywood]

It doesn't get more "toony" than this, and that's great. Imagine a land where everybody is a balloon. Who would be their arch-enemy? Pincussion Man, of course! A delightful example of 30s wacky, rubbery animation at its best.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ****. Weirdness: *****. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: *****.

ABCs of Walking Wisely (film #282 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Educational]

This Sid Davis children's pedestrian safety film features an annoyingly cheerful and self-righteous female narrator, a cheerfully upbeat and annoying soundtrack, primitive cartoons of anthropomorphic letters of the alphabet, and lots of scenes of kids almost being hit by cars, enough so that you start to wonder about the safety of the child actors in the film. Its premise, that both good and bad pedestrians can be likened to letters of the alphabet, is absurd, but that's par for the course for this kind of film. For a Sid Davis film, this is remarkably mild, though there is a scary scene of one kid almost getting picked up by a hitchhiker, and in Sid Davis' world we all know what that means (except for the narrator, who stupidly supposes the motorist in question might be a "bad driver"). And you don't want to know what the "X-walker" is (though fortunately he is not graphically portrayed). I want the original drawings of the anthropomorphic letters for the Film Ephemera Museum of Quirky Devices.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ****. Weirdness: ****. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ****.

All-American Soap Box Derby (film #322 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Educational]

General Motors sponsored this film, as well as the derby, which was supposed to be a tribute to the "All-American Boy." The bombastic narration lends a campy air to the proceedings, which is good, because otherwise they'd be pretty dull, especially the awards banquet at the end. Campy moments include the opening montage of "friendly competition," which goes from friendly games of marbles on to progressively more aggressive sports, such as football, wrestling, and boxing, all while the narrator expounds on how this builds character; the closing montage of faces of boys dissolving into each other, seemingly communicating a message of conformity, and the closing assertion that these boys would go on to fight other battles which is superimposed over an American flag––considering the timing of the film you can't help wondering how many of them would die in World War II. A ripe film for msting.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ****. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ****.

The Arnold Stang Show (track #10 on TV Turkeys (Rhino, 1987)). [Category: Early Film & TV]

This five-minute early 50s "short-short" show featuring comedian Arnold Stang is both lame and weird. The jokes are lame and sexist, but Stang also adds short film clips to try to punch things up, which makes it weirder than it might be otherwise. He gets a lot of mileage from a rather upsetting clip of a man hitting a woman––this was supposed to be funny? Deserves its presence on TV Turkeys.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ***. Weirdness: ****. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ***.

Abolene Creme Commercial (film #284 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Commercial]

This 60s cold creme commercial features a model whose face has been divided in half by a dotted line so that a comparison can be made between Abolene Creme (they keep calling it a "warm cream"--ugh!) and The Other Leading Brand (remember them?). This is mildly weird and objectifying. There's also some fairly disgusting greasy skin footage. Other than that, this is pretty standard.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: **. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: ***. Overall Rating: ***.

Afro Mood Burlesque (film #300 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Sleaze & Outsider]

A Hispanic exotic dancer shakes her booty to some hot Latin rhythms. Then she appears in a different costume to rhumba the night away. During this segment, she does some acrobatic tricks, such as doing a complete backbend and picking up a handkerchief in her mouth, and doing the splits. Mostly, though, she just shakes her booty. All in the name of multiculturalism, of course. What this has to do with Africa, though, is questionable.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: **. Weirdness: **. Historical Interest: ***. Overall Rating: **.

Agriculture - New Farms from Grand Coulee (film #7 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Public Service]

This short film announces the opening of the Grand Coulee Dam and explains the benefits of the dam, both in terms of irrigation and electricity generation. That's it, really, though there's some historical value here.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: *. Weirdness: *. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ***.

Amusement Park (film #332 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Outtakes & Obscurities]

This is a home movie of a Cub Scout trip to Disneyland during the 60s. The rawness of it gives you a real sense of what a visit to the place must have been like back then. Most of it doesn't look that much fun, but everybody is smiling, so what do I know? I do like the dorky-looking car ride and the spinning teacups, though.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: **. Weirdness: **. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ***.

Classic Sci-Fi Trailers, Vol. 2 (Sinister Cinema). [Category: Commercial]

More science fiction movie trailers, again mostly from the 50s, and again, lots of fun. This tape gets 5 extra points for throwing in some drive-in snack bar promos and ephemera.

Highlights:

• Gimmick Alert! Richard Carlson tells us all about 3-D in the trailer for It Came from Outer Space.
  
• Certain scenes in Robot Monster "will terrify you with their brutal reality!" See the movie to find out why we're all snickering.
  
• You too will be petrified by The Man Who Turned to Stone!
  
• The Monster of Piedras Blancas is "a claw-fingered, scaly-skinned, half- human crustacean!" The movie itself is "the screen's Monsterama of incredible sights and frights!" It was named "the most brain-paralyzing shock story of them all!" Just who writes this stuff, anyway?
  
• The severed head in The Brain That Wouldn't Die was "a woman defying society's conventions!"
  
• Beyond the Time Barrier takes place exactly "64 years into the terrifying future!"
  
• Msties, take note: contains the trailers for Robot Monster, Terror from the Year 5000, Night of the Blood Beast, The Brain That Wouldn't Die, and The Leech Woman.
  

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ****. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ****.

Berkeley Fire, 1923 (film #444 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: News]

More newsreel footage from the same fire documented in Berkeley, California Fire. This clip features some hyperbolic title cards ("BERKELEY BURNS!") and footage of people trying to salvage random possessions, including one thoroughly befuddled guy who doesn't know what to do with a mirror. Like the other film, this has mostly historical value.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: *. Weirdness: **. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: **.

Fan Dance Starring Sally Rand (film #6 on Exploitation Mini-Classics, Vol. 1 (Sinister Cinema)). [Category: Sleaze & Outsider]

Fan dancing was quite the racy thing in the 1930s, though it wouldn't raise an eyebrow today. It basically consists of a woman who just might be naked dancing with a couple of large fans that cover her body most of the time, but sometimes briefly reveal areas of the body that aren't usually revealed. The point was supposed to be the tease that if you watch really closely, maybe you could catch a glimpse of the dancer's naughty bits. Sally Rand was the queen of fan dancers, though it's hard to tell why in this short, since it's obvious she's wearing some sort of body stocking under the fans, which lowers the titillation factor considerably.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: **. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: ***. Overall Rating: **.

A-Bomb Blast Effects (film #281 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Military & Propaganda]

This is a silent fragment of a color military film of an early atom bomb test. Even without the soundtrack, it's pretty interesting, as it is filled with fascinating images and it gives a real feel of what such tests were like to the soldiers who had to endure them. Some arresting images include several signs promoting secrecy (such as “If You Wouldn't Tell Stalin, Don't Tell Anyone Else"––I want these for the Film Ephemera Museum of Quirky Devices), GIs prematurely emerging from their foxholes only to be surprised by the bomb's aftershocks, comparison footage of war materials and dummy soldiers before and after the blast, and the final uninterrupted footage of the blast itself, which makes the camera shake and almost burns out the film with the intenisty of its light. Again, it's too bad the soundtrack is missing, but this is a great historical document anyway and it would make wonderful footage for documentary filmmakers.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: N/A. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: *****. Overall Rating: ****.

Clutch Cargo: The Friendly Headhunters (film #34 on Chicago Television (Hollywood's Attic, 1996)). [Category: Outtakes & Obscurities]

Animation was never more limited than this ultra-cheap kiddie cartoon. Yet it was also very surreal, as this series had a unique gimmick: character's mouths were animated by pasting on live action footage of the voice actor's mouths actually saying the lines. The effect is a lot weirder than this description can do justice to. That and the fact that the animation was only about a half a step away from still pictures made this cartoon real nightmare fodder––persons I've known who saw it as a kid never, ever forgot it. If you didn't see it as a kid, the Chicago Television tape gives you a chance to see it now. Happy nightmares!

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ****. Weirdness: *****. Historical Interest: *****. Overall Rating: ****.

In the Mountains of the Moon (film #3 on NASA DVD (Madacy Entertainment, 1999)). [Category: News]

This film documents the Apollo 15 lunar mission, in which the lunar module landed in a mountainous area of the moon and many important geological samples and data were gathered. Unfortunately, this is one of the duller missions to watch. Still, there are a number of interesting small moments, such as the astronauts bantering with Mission Control and each other, an astronaut putting the first interplanetary postmark on a letter, and the astronauts honoring those previous astronauts and cosmonauts who died during their missions by placing a plaque on the moon with their names, along with a small astronaut figure (I can't help but wonder how anthropologists thousands of years from now will interpret such a shrine).

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: **. Weirdness: **. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ***.

Airport America (https://archive.org/details/AirportA1954#).

This 50s film tries to sell the idea that all small towns need airports. It predicts a future where darn near everybody in every town flies all over the place. Except in remote areas where there is little ground transportation, such as Alaska, it was not to be. But they sure tried hard to make it so in this film, which gives it some mild camp value, as well as some historical value. There are some mstable moments, too, such as the overly literal beginning, where the narrator importantly intones, “Cars. Buses. Churches," over a scene of cars, buses and churches; or the section on planes spraying insectisides all over the countryside, where the narrator says, “This has indirect effects on us all," which is true, but not in the way he thinks. And the soundtrack music is some of the most bombastic I've heard in awhile. It all adds up to a moderately entertaining film, not great but not bad either.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ****. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ****.

Aqua Frolics (film #388 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Hollywood]

Both sea animals and humans frolic in the water in this lively newsreel featurette. Some of the more interesting segments include an underwater Thanksgiving dinner, madcap speedboat races, and a rather pathetic game of underwater basketball. Mildly entertaining, as these featurettes usually are.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: **. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: ***. Overall Rating: ***.

The Atom Strikes (film #4 on Atomic Scare Films, Vol. 1 (Something Weird, 1996)). [Category: Military & Propaganda]

This is an official army film documenting the destruction of the two atomic bomb strikes on Hiroshima and Nagasaki. It's very dry, in the style of the Combat Bulletins and Weekly Digests, but the subject matter is awe-inspiring. The destruction of property is on a scale never seen before or since (and let's hope it stays that way). No human injury footage is shown, but they do include an eyewitness account of the blast from a German Jesuit priest who was four miles away from ground zero. An important historical document.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: N/A. Weirdness: **. Historical Interest: *****. Overall Rating: ****.

All's Fair at the Fair (film #6 on Cartoon Crazys: Sci-Fi (WinStar Home Entertainment, 1999)). [Category: Industrial]

A couple of local yokels go to the 1939 New York World's Fair and sample some modern technology. Mostly this consists of wildly creative coin-operated robot-driven devices. My favorite is the house-builder, which uses the principle of the cocktail shaker. The cartoon ends with the couple buying a unfold-it-yourself new car out of a vending machine––wouldn't that be great? This cartoon was made by Dave Fleischer and it has some of his trademark art deco styling found in the Superman cartoons.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ***. Weirdness: ****. Historical Interest: *****. Overall Rating: ****.

Back of the Mike

The production of a live radio western is shown here, and we get to see how they do all the sound effects and stuff. We get to see such things as one guy doing both voices in a conversation, an adult do a very convincing impersonation of a child's voice, guys playing cowboys impersonating the sound of conversing while riding by playing "horsie" while reading their lines, and all the weird stuff used to make sound effects. It's all quite interesting, especially from a historical perspective.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ****. Weirdness: ****. Historical Interest: *****. Overall Rating: ****.

Alcoholism (film #4 on Boozers & Losers, Vol. 1 (Something Weird, 2000)). [Category: Educational]

This film documents the case history of Ed, a gray-flannel-suited alcoholic who hits bottom after going on a bender and missing his son's birthday. He tries to make up for it by taking out his last 5-dollar bill and buying that catcher's mitt his son always wanted (though a few seconds ago he told us he was "flat broke") only to come home to an empty house and a "Dear Ed" letter. Fortunately, he goes into treatment, his shrink gets his wife and his boss involved, Ed stops drinking and goes to group therapy where he learns he is not alone in his problems, and everything ends up hunky dory. This probably represents the state of the art of alcoholism treatment in 1951, making it an interesting historical document. Not that it's not pretty campy as well. A segment with lots of skips in it caused my husband to quip "Oh, I've got it! He drinks to fill in the empty spaces between the missing frames!"

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ****. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ****.

Arab Cortege, Geneva (film #21 on The Movies Begin, Volume One: The Great Train Robbery and Other Primary Works (Kino Video, 1994). Also, film #21 on The Art of Cinema Begins (Video Yesteryear, 1997)).

A bunch of Arabs parade past "Des Fees" office in Geneva. That's it really, but like a lot of these really early films, it does generate some interest for being a slice of life in the Gay 90s. An 1896 Lumiere film. The version on The Movies Begin has better film quality than the one on The Art of Cinema Begins.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: **. Weirdness: **. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: **.

Classic Sci-Fi Trailers, Vol. 1 (Sinister Cinema). [Category: Commercial]

Science fiction trailers, mostly from the 50s, which is good because that's when they made 'em campy. A good selection of both classic and classically bad sci-fi movies of the period. Film and video quality is very good. No listing on the package, but Sinister Cinema gets 5 points for providing complete contents listings of their trailer compilations in their catalog.

Highlights:

• If you were to list the film credits of Howard Hawks, what would you put at the top of the list? If you said I Was a Male War Bride, then you think like the producers of the trailer for The Thing.
  
• Godzilla, King of the Monsters had probably the most hyperbolic trailer ever. "Dynamic Violence!!" "Savage Action!!" Manic Narration!!
  
• Conspiracy buffs alert! More subliminal messages, this time in the trailer for It! The Terror from Beyond Space. "See IT!" "Don't Miss IT!" You'd think, though, that after going to all that trouble they would have made the messages more specific.
  
• The Crawling Hand's trailer is just as cheesy as the movie itself, which is an achievement of some sort.
  
• Msties, take note: Contains the trailers for It Conquered the World, The Mole People, Earth vs. the Spider, The Giant Gila Monster, and The Crawling Hand.
  

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ****. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ****.

The Big Snooze (film #3 on Cartoons for Big Kids (Turner Home Entertainment, 1989)). [Category: Sleaze & Outsider]

Despite its appearance on Cartoons for Big Kids, this was my all-time favorite Bugs Bunny cartoon when I was a kid. It's still on my list of all-time favorites, as it's one of the weirdest cartoons ever made, and probably the weirdest Bugs vs. Elmer toon. Elmer gets fed up with Bugs and decides to tear up his contract with "Mr. Warner" and take up fishing. He does so, despite Bugs' pleading with him not to "break up the act". After finding a nice fishing spot and casting, he promptly falls asleep. Bugs then takes sleeping pills and invades Elmer's dream, and if you think Bugs is wacky in the "real" world, just wait till you see what he does to Elmer's dream world! What probably got it on the Big Kids tape is a very funny scene of Bugs dressing up Elmer in drag and then unleashing a bunch of wolves (literally) on him ("Have any of you girls ever had an expewience like this?" Elmer asks the audience). One of the all-time great Warner Brothers cartoons.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: *****. Weirdness: *****. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: *****.

X Marks the Spot (MST3K Episode #210: King Dinosaur). [Category: Public Service]

Apparently, if you die in an auto accident in New Jersey, before dealing with St. Peter and your general record of sins, you have to face the Heavenly Traffic Court and answer for your driving record. This is what happens to "average driver" Joe Doaks. Reporting on Joe's record is his Guardian Angel of Traffic, who looks like a recent graduate (complete with cap and gown) of the Rocky Marciano School of Big Galloots. Joe's case doesn't fare too well--apparently, like most "average drivers", Joe's driving sucked big time. However, the judge ultimately leaves it up to us, the audience, to decide Joe's fate. Rick Prelinger, in his Our Secret Century series of CD-ROMs, tells us that many auto safety films were made by the auto industry ostensibly as a public service, but actually to place the blame for accidents in the laps of drivers and deflect blame away from design defects in their cars. This seems especially obvious in this film. Joe isn't merely shown to be a poor driver--he's supposed to represent the average driver, leading us to the conclusion that most drivers are extremely unsafe. The only mention of his car is that Joe had regular vehicle inspections (as required by New Jersey law), so "he can't blame his accident on his car". Appalling and lots of fun, with good msting.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: *****. Weirdness: *****. Historical Interest: ****. Msting: *****. Overall Rating: *****.

Chicago Television (Hollywood's Attic, 1996). [Category: Outtakes & Obscurities]

Back in the 50s and 60s, there was something called Local Television. Individual tv stations would actually produce their own programs, some popular and some forgettable. Most have been lost to posterity, but this tape is chock-full of excerpts of local Chicago shows. For me, it brings back lots of hazy early-child memories of watching local and syndicated shows, especially since I know some of this stuff was syndicated and shown in Omaha, where I grew up. I could do without the lengthy sports footage, but the tape makes up for it by including moments ranging from the truly surreal ("Diver Dan", "Clutch Cargo", the hostess of "Ding Dong School" having a one-sided conversation) to the truly evil (Pandora, the host of "Kiddie-a-Go-Go"; the Santa in The Three Little Dwarves, the faun in "The Mighty Hercules"). At over two hours, it has more prime ephemera for your money than just about any collection I know of. A must for ephemera collectors.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: *****. Weirdness: *****. Historical Interest: *****+. Overall Rating: *****.

Houston, We've Got a Problem (film #2 on NASA DVD (Madacy Entertainment, 1999)). [Category: News]

This well-produced documentary shows us the nerve-wracking Apollo 13 mission, where a major malfunction in the power supply made the command module non-functional, and the astronauts had to try to make it back to Earth in the lunar module, using manual controls. The film has a minimum of narration, relying mostly on NASA footage of the astronauts and of Mission Control, we-interrupt-this-program news footage, and footage of the reactions of ordinary citizens in New York City to the unfolding drama of the mission to tell its story. This makes it particularly interesting from an ephemera standpoint. Another excellent historical document on the NASA DVD.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: N/A. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: *****. Overall Rating: ****.

Atom Bomb Tests: Bikini (film #5 on Atomic Memories (Video Yesteryear)).

This film documents atomic bomb tests Abel and Baker near Bikini Atoll in the Pacific. It's pretty standard for the most part, but the narration is quite pompous and occasionally strange. The most unbelievable assertion is that after test Abel they thought the damage was "negligible" at first, but found out differently at closer inspection. The idea that anyone would think an atom bomb would cause only "negligible" damage (especially after Hiroshima and Nagasaki) is pretty amazing.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: **. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ***.

Albert in Blunderland (film #4 on An American Retrospective Through Animation (Moviecraft, 1994)). [Category: Industrial]

Harding College sponsored the animated films on this tape "to strengthen and preserve our American freedom through understanding." Actually, these films seem to be attempts by Big Business to sell capitalism to workers who might be otherwise tempted by the Godless Commies. The films, though well-animated and somewhat amusing, have a subtle patronizing undercurrent and a lack of understanding of the real problems of workers and the injustices they face under capitalism. Intelligent workers probably had negative reactions to capitalism from viewing these films. In this film, Albert the Auto Mechanic listens to a leftist radio commentator extoll the virtues of a "planned society", liking it to the social order of ants. Albert likes what he hears and wishes he could be an ant. After receiving a blow on the head, he gets his wish in a dream, but quickly discovers the downside of the ants' "planned society". Communism is not mentioned once by name, but it's obvious that the ant social order is meant to be a send-up of a certain large eastern European/Asian nation. Of course, this also means that it has all the dystopian cliches typical of the Hollywood version of communism, such as thought police, unreasonable work quotas, and execution without trial, even right down to the 1984-influenced city architecture. The most hypocritical part comes when Albert gets hauled off by the ant thugs for threatening to start a union in the state-controlled factory, as if workers in capitalist countries were free from such harassment. I'm no fan of communism, actually––it's just that patronizing propaganda such as this can make it begin to look good, at least momentarily.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ***. Weirdness: **. Historical Interest: *****. Overall Rating: ***.

Babies on Parade (film #1150 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Hollywood]

Newsreel featurette about a baby parade and festival. It's not as creepy as these things usually are, since it's not so much a beauty contest as it is an all-around festival with a parade, silly costumes, and various contests. The babies react in typical baby fashion, i.e. it's fun for awhile for them, but they get tired and cranky real fast. Overall it's an innocuous slice of life from the baby boom period.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: **. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ***.

Alcohol: How Much Is Too Much? (film #5 on Classroom Scare Films, Vol. 2: Health Horrors (Something Weird, 1994)). [Category: Educational]

This early 70's classroom film about the dangers of alcohol is of the "here are the facts--you decide" variety so common to the decade, which is not nearly as much fun as the "we'll tell you what to do" type of the 50's. The warnings of the risks of alcohol consumption are undercut by the visuals, which mostly consist of people having a high old time drinking. The only visual moment that reflects the downside of drinking is a very brief scene of a skid-row bum drinking in an alley. The junior-high school audience this is aimed at is repeatedly told that they must decide for themselves how much alcohol is "too much"––which is true, as the film obviously doesn't tell them.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: **. Weirdness: **. Historical Interest: ***. Overall Rating: **.

The Apparition (film #5 on Marvelous Melies (A-1 Video)). [Category: Early Film & TV]

Dang modern technology! Just what did folks have to endlessly frustrate them before there were computers? Well, the guy in this film manages to find a candle pretty damn irrascible, as it keeps sliding back and forth across the table, suddenly turning giant-sized, and generally frustrating any attempts to read by its light. Eventually it drives the guy batty, and then the ghosts arrive. More Melies silliness. A 1901 Melies film.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ****. Weirdness: ****. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ****.

Classic Commercials, Vol. 4 (Madacy Entertainment, 1998). [Category: Commercial]

More commercials, mainly from the late 60s and early 70s, although a few 50s ones are thrown in. Like Vol. 3, this one has lots of celebrity endorsements and memorable advertising characters. Monster fans will enjoy quite a few commercials featuring classic monsters, especially the Frankenstein monster and King Kong.

Highlights:

• The commercial for the Fantastic Country LP will bring afternoon tv K-Tel commercials rushing back to you.
  
• Contact decongestant does a great parody of the old Shell gasoline roadtest commercials.
  
• The real highlight of this tape is a great cheesy mail-in offer from the 50s Space Patrol tv show for a pair of really dorky-looking strap-on binoculars. Seeing the stars of the show wearing the things is a real hoot.
  
• Memorable advertising characters on this tape: Mother Nature for Chiffon Margarine (the one It's Not Nice to Fool), Josephine the Plumber, and Rosie the Bounty Diner Waitress.
  

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ****. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ****.

Because of Eve: The Story of Life (Something Weird). [Category: Sleaze and Outsider]

Bob loves Sally. Sally loves Bob. Bob and Sally want to get married. Unfortunately, their doctor, Dr. Clueless, stupidly puts his foot in his mouth after their premarital medical examinations, letting spill Sally's out-of-wedlock baby and Bob's VD in one sentence (this scene is incredibly campy and worth the cost of the whole film). The good doctor spends the rest of the film frantically trying to patch things up between Sally and Bob, who are, naturally, less than thrilled to find out about each other's past mistakes. The plot, though, turns out to be just a framing device for three sex education films: "The Story of VD," "The Story of Reproduction," and "The Story of Birth." The prologue of the film tells us that these films have been shown in high schools and colleges, but considering the explicit nudity in the films and their exploitation origins, that's doubtful. "The Story of VD" shows lots of disgusting footage of the ravages of syphilis. Lots of naughty bits are shown, but not one of them lacks oozing open sores or rashes. "The Story of Reproduction" explains human conception with limited animation, carefully leaving out, of course, how the sperm gets into the uterus. "The Story of Birth" is a genuine roadshow birth-of-a-baby film. All I can say about it is I'm glad it's in black-and-white. The films in toto are enough to turn any young people off of sex, at least for a few hours. And the set-up footage about Bob, Sally, and Dr. Clueless is campy enough to provide an evening's-worth of entertainment for bad film fanatics anywhere.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: *****. Weirdness: ****. Historical Interest: *****. Overall Rating: *****.

We Drivers (film #5 on Our Secret Century, Vol. 4: Menace and Jeopardy CD-ROM (Voyager). Also, film #1014 on Prelinger Archive. Also, film #3 on Ephemeral Films CD-ROM (Voyager) (excerpt)). [Category: Public Service]

Animated Reckless Rudolph and Sensible Sam battle in the boxing ring, and over the soul of the average driver, like in cartoons when a character has a moral dilemma and a little devil whispers in one ear and an angel in the other. Sensible Sam wins, of course, and the boxing ring countdown turns into a list of ten rules for traffic safety, ending with "Obey all laws!" Like many films of this type, its message is undercut by its dogmatic tone and the goody two-shoes quality of Sensible Sam.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ***. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ***.

Chased by Monsters (extra on Monsters Crash the Pajama Party Spook Show Spectacular DVD (Something Weird, 2001)). [Category: Outtakes & Obscurities]

Ever have one of those dreams where you're being chased by a monster but you can only run really slowly, like you're going through molasses? I bet it wasn't nearly as hokey as this clip from an LSD exploitation film that Something Weird dug up. A pathetic shmoe is chased by a bunch of Freudian female monsters. Like I said, this is hokey as all get-out.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ****. Weirdness: ****. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ****.

Headline Stories of the Century (Questar Video, 1992). [Category: News]

A "photo album" of newsreel clips documenting pop culture trends from the mid 20s to the early 60s. "Photo album" is an apt description of this tape, as the clips are quite brief and have added narration. I wish they would have shown the whole newsreels with their original narration. Still, there are some interesting moments here, such as Billy Sunday raving against the demon rum, the mayor of Buffalo banning kissing (it spreads influenza), some really obnoxious hog callers, and a convention of fan dancers arguing about proper fan length.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ***. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ***.

As the Twig Is Bent.

Made during World War II by Aetna Life & Casualty, this film encourages parents to make a special effort to look after their kids during wartime. It fairly accurately spells out the special problems the war was creating for children, such as lack of adult supervision, family upheaval, and teens dropping out of school to take jobs in war production. But, like many corporate-sponsored films, it places responsibility for these problems entirely in the lap of the individual, which seems particularly ridiculous during a worldwide war. This individual-blaming really takes the cake when the film asserts that so many of the generation who were children during World War I became criminals solely because of parental failure. Aw, c'mon––don't you think the Depression and Prohibition bootlegging had at least a little bit to do with it? The film then tells parents that it is their duty to maintain as normal a home life as possible for their children––how parents are supposed to do this when Daddy's off fighting the war, Mommy's working in a defense plant, and the family has just moved to a trailer court in a defense boomtown far from their extended family is not spelled out. A real guilt producer.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ***. Weirdness: ****. Historical Interest: *****. Overall Rating: ***.

Bandaid Commercial (film #2 in the Comercial Section of Movieflix (www.movieflix.com)). [Category: Commercial]

An evil clown encourages kids to injure themselves so they can put Bandaids with stars on them on their cuts. Unfortunately, he's only a Bucky Beaver wanna-be, but this is pretty campy all the same.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ****. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ****.

Back to Nature (extra on The Beast That Killed Women/The Monster of Camp Sunshine DVD (Something Weird, 2001)). [Category: Sleaze & Outsider]

A bunch of naked people frolic in a nudist colony. They swim, ride horses, swordfight, have barbecues, do laundry (towels only), and go rock climbing, all while carefully keeping their backs to the camera or draping a towel casually over their naughty bits. It's all supposed to be so wholesome, but you just know that this film is designed for ogling purposes. Most disturbing is the male shower sequence and the thoroughly disgusting-looking barbecue.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ***. Weirdness: ****. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ***.

Arteries of New York City (film #83 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Public Service]

Fairly dry film about the various transportation routes into and out of New York City. It does have lots of historically interesting scenes of NYC in the 50s, though.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: *. Weirdness: *. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: **.

Amie en Matiere Plastique (film #3 in the Indie Section of Movieflix). [Category: Outtakes & Obscurities]

A nerdy guy gives a heartfelt marriage proposal to...his inflatable love doll. Har-de-har-har. I saw this one coming a mile away. Still, it's lots better than Asphyxiated Heart, even counting the scene of him sucking the doll's fingers.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: **. Weirdness: **. Historical Interest: *. Overall Rating: **.

Berkeley, California Fire

Berkeley, California Fire.

Silent newsreel footage of a devastating 1923 fire that destroyed much of Berkeley, California. Footage of the fire is followed by scenes of the aftermath and cleanup efforts. Most interesting is a few brief scenes of homeless fire victims cheerily making the best of it by cooking outdoors or playing a rescued piano. Mostly, this is just a historical document, though.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: N/A. Weirdness: **. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ***.

All Out for Victory (film #43 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Military & Propaganda]

Firestone produced this World War II film, in which it shows us all the different kinds of war materials being produced in its plant. It's a fascinating historical document, because it shows the diversity of workers hired for war production. Blind workers unravel the ends of parachute straps, a one-armed man operates a one-handed hole-punching machine, deaf workers work in the noisiest part of the factory, elderly men come out of retirement to offer their well-honed skills, and, of course, women are everywhere. It's also interesting to see the wide variety of war materials Firestone produced and how they produced them. And it's a stirring piece of propaganda, as we are constantly reminded that relatives of these workers who are in the armed services depend in a life-or-death way on the quality of these materials. For instance, one woman's son was saved by a lifebelt that she herself had inspected (it had her inspection stamp on it). This is shown to make the workers extra careful about the quality of their work. One of the better industrial incentive films that was made.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: **. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: *****. Overall Rating: ****.

Air Transportation (film #31 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Industrial]

This 50s vocational guidance film outlines the various kinds of jobs available in the airline industry. It's pretty dry, though there is some interesting gender-related material, particularly the requirements for stewardesses. And there's some historical interest, if you're looking for information on how the airlines were in the 50s.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: **. Weirdness: *. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: **.

The Asylum of the Insane (extra on Monsters Crash the Pajama Party Spook Show Spectacular DVD (Something Weird, 2001)). [Category: Hollywood]

This 3-D short, called The Asylum of the Insane, remember, features lots of lame 3-D gimmicks such as a child on a swing, a boy throwing a football towards the screen, and a juggler playing with balls on elastic strings, while the narrator talks about dreams. The title is very vaguely alluded to in the final scene which features teens in rubber fright masks swinging knives or baseball bats around in the thin air. Uh...OK.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ****. Weirdness: *****. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ****.

Alcohol and the Human Body (film #40 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Educational]

The effects of alcohol on the human body and brain are presented in a dry, dull fashion, with the help of primitive animated sequences of black dots of alcohol going through the bloodstream, as well as film clips of drunk people. Mildly campy is the ending of the scene about treatment of alcoholics, where the former skid-row bum is discharged in a new suit and told sternly to never touch the stuff again. Yeah, right. Mostly this is boring, though.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ***. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: ***. Overall Rating: ***.

Along the Great Divide: Great Britain 1900-1912 (film #1 on The Silent Revolution: What Do Those Old Films Mean?, Vol. 1 (Facets, 1999)). [Category: Early Film & TV]

This is the first in a series of BBC documentaries about early film. This one concentrates on early English films and contains many clips of same. It's well-written and provides an interesting historical context to the films. The soundtracks of the films are unusual––some are typical piano soundtracks, others have sound effects that are so appropriate that the films seem like sound films at first, and some have bizarre experimental vocal music soundtracks. These documentaries should be good companions to the other films on this list as they place them within their historical contexts. This film points out that early English film was mostly made for the lower classes and has an anarchic feeling as a result, a feeling that was later lost when the middle and upper classes got interested in film. This provides a historical context for other films in this category, including Rescued by Rover, A Day in the Life of a Coalminer, and Buy Your Own Cherries (which turns out to be a temperance film--who'd a thought?).

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: **. Weirdness: ****. Historical Interest: *****. Overall Rating: ****.

Classic Commercials, Vol. 3 (Madacy Entertainment, 1998). [Category: Commercial]

This tape has mostly 60s commercials, with lots of celebrity endorsements, well-known advertising characters (Josephine the Plumber, Mr. Whipple, etc.), ditzy housewives, and Proctor & Gamble products. Should bring back lots of memories for those of us who grew up during the 60s (like me).

Highlights:

• I had that Frito bandito eraser! It was cool!
  
• See the American Association of Retired Persons being pitched by Fibber McGee and his closet, Post Grape-Nuts being pitched by Euell Gibbons and his cattails, and Scotties tissues being pitched by Jimmy Durante and his nose.
  
• There's another great 60s Kool-Aid commercial here featuring both Bugs Bunny and the Monkees! How can you top that?
  
• Memorable advertising characters found on this tape: the obnoxious Phillip Morris delivery boy, the Frito Bandito, Josephine the plumber, Tony the Tiger, the anti-pollution PSA crying Indian, Mrs. Olson, and Mr. Whipple.
  
• Watch Ed McMahon get a bowling trophy for beer drinking!
  
• This tape really goes overboard on the ditzy housewives. When they're not obsessing on laundry whiteness and stain removal, they're talking way too much about smeary makeup. No wonder there was a feminist movement during the 60s!
  

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ****. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: *****. Overall Rating: ****.

Beautyrest Mattresses commercial (film #6 on TV Turkeys (Rhino, 1987)). [Category: Sleaze & Outsider]

This early Technicolor filmed commercial (probably a "minute movie" meant for movie theaters, rather than a tv commercial) is one of the most blatantly racist things I've ever seen. A black maid named Congenial, who looks like a Topsy doll, tells her white employer, in outrageous mammyspeak, all about her latest husband's (he's number five) problems with sleepwalking, and how she solved them by buying a Beautyrest mattress. The white woman actually says with a straight face, "But how can you afford that on your salary?", allowing Congenial to mention Beautyrest's easy payment plan, which even a Negro can afford! It's hard to believe that not so long ago this was considered perfectly acceptable, which is precisely why such things need to be preserved.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: *****. Weirdness: *****. Historical Interest: *****. Overall Rating: *****.

Valley Town (film #3 on Our Secret Century, Vol. 2: Capitalist Realism CD-ROM (Voyager). Also, film #1000 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Public Service]

This 1930s documentary about the impact of the Depression on steelworkers in a Pennsylvania town stands in stark contrast to the optimistic corporate films on this and the other Our Secret Century discs, and yet it shares certain traits with them as well. This film shows us the downside of capitalism and the Industrial Revolution. A steel town thrives from all the new industries providing jobs for its citizens and lots of nifty machine-made goods to buy. But then the Depression hits and factories close down. Two thirds of the workforce is thrown out of work. And when some of the factories open up again, it's with new, high-speed automated equipment, which requires much fewer workers. The despair of the unemployed workers and their families is shown, as is the need for aggressive retraining programs, so that the workers can find new jobs. This film uses a lot of the same techniques as the corporate-sponsored films, but with a very different message. Thus it reminds me a lot of those other films, but in stark counterpoint. The initial images of thriving factories are a lot like those in Master Hands, but with the looming specter of the inevitable closing of the plant hovering over them. We see a worker walking home, like in From Dawn to Sunset, but this worker is not walking home from work, but from another unsuccessful day looking for a job. He walks through a run-down slum area, rather than one of the pretty neighborhoods in the other film. And instead of hearing voices singing about his "perfect life", you hear him thinking about how he dreads going home and seeing once again the disappointment in his wife's face when he tells her he hasn't found work yet. There's even a musical interlude featuring a housewife, like in Design for Dreaming. But this housewife isn't having pretty dreams about a rosy future, she's adding up all the family expenses in her head and worrying about where the money's going to come from––to her, the future looks pretty bleak. A touching film that provides a good dose of reality to the Our Secret Century series.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: N/A. Weirdness: ****. Historical Interest: *****. Overall Rating: *****.

Captain Celluloid vs. the Film Pirates (Sinister Cinema, 1999). [Category: Outtakes & Obscurities]

OK, I said I wasn't going to do any serials, but this is different. A bunch of film buffs, including William K. Everson, author of Classics of the Horror Film, got together in the 60s and made this "Adventure Serial" as a tribute to the old silent serials. The joke is that it all involves collecting silent films. Hooded villain The Dupe Master steals negatives of classic silent films and duplicates them to sell on the film society black market. Caped crusader Captain Celluoid does his best to stop his evil machinations. What both men don't know, at the beginning at least, is that in their true identities they are both members of the Associated Film Distributors, a 4-man-and-one-female-secretary body that meets daily in a tiny office to discuss the problem of film piracy. The serial, in 4 chapters, manages to throw in practically all the serial cliches you remember, such as endless farfetched fistfights, lots of car chases, and a cliffhanger ending for every chapter. As a tribute to silent films, the dialogue is all done with title cards, though the film has a soundtrack of music and sound effects. I was expecting this to be funnier, but it seems to be more of an earnest tribute than a parody. Still, it's quite lively and lots of fun.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ***. Weirdness: ****. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ****.

Feed (First Run Features, 1992). [Category: News]

Imagine you could watch political candidates during their "off" times, when they think they're not being watched. You get a little bit of that in this film about the 1992 New Hampshire presidential primary. Video artist Brian Springer hooked a video recorder up to a satellite dish and recorded unedited news feeds of political candidates in front of cameras but before the "official" broadcasts have started. This footage is combined with local tv news footage, news footage outtakes, and films of grass-roots front-lines campaign workers doing the gritty work for their chosen candidates. It all forms an enlightening and quite funny collage of the American political process as it actually happens, which is not necessarily the way the media portrays it. We get to see fascinating moments such as Jerry Brown endlessly adjusting his tie, a New Hampshire newscaster struggling to coherently interview Bob Kerrey when Kerrey can't hear him, a Clinton campaign worker skillfully steering a homeless man away from Hillary and then trying to get him to register to vote, another Clinton campaign worker making endless phone calls and dealing with difficult callers, Paul Tsongas ribbing Sam Donaldson when he spots Sam at the back of a crowd during a speech, political analysts asserting that no one will vote for Tsongas because he wears a pocket protecter or for Kerrey because "he looks like a choirboy", Ross Perot telling off-color jokes, Jerry Brown surreally leaning into the camera and using a nasal spray, and endless scenes of a complacent-looking George Bush sitting and waiting to go on the air. Would that we could watch something like this before an election, rather than after.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ****. Weirdness: *****. Historical Interest: *****. Overall Rating: *****.

And a Voice Shall Be Heard! (film #4 on Atomic Scare Films, Vol. 2 (Something Weird, 2000)). [Category: Military & Propaganda]

The good people of Syracuse, New York show us how they would cope with a nuclear attack. Things turn out just fine, mainly because they have plenty of two-way radios, a bank of phones that in peacetime were probably used to drum up support for Public Television, and a firetruck. We are especially relieved to find out that although an elementary school was nuked, no children were harmed because they all decided to play hooky that day. Check out the bowties on one of the ham radio experts and the bizarre looking "food" loaf a family is having for dinner during the closing credits.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ****. Weirdness: ****. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ****.

Ban Roll-On (film #1 in the Commercial section of Movieflix (www.movieflix.com)). [Category: Commercial]

Here's a little historical gem--a commercial that documents the introduction of roll-on deodorant. You can tell because they have to explain what it is and how it works. It also features a dainty 50s woman telling you that Ban is "safe for your finest clothes" and a bunch of statuesque figures of nice-looking people who may need deodorant (tennis players, dancers, etc.). A nice piece of 50s history.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ****. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: *****. Overall Rating: *****.

Artist's Paradise (extra on Night of the Bloody Apes/Feast of Flesh DVD (Something Weird, 2002)). [Category: Sleaze & Outsider]

A bunch of pretty naked ladies bathe in a chilly stream until a gorilla chases them away. Well, what did you expect?? OK, I wasn't expecting the gorilla, but I guess they had to have some way to end it.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ***. Weirdness: ****. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ***.

Around the World in New York (film #82 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Public Service]

This film documents some of the various ethnic neighborhoods in New York City, making the claim that you can go "around the world" without ever leaving the city. It is a viable presence considering the huge variety of ethnic groups with a presence in the city, even today. Mostly this film is interesting, though, for the glimpse it gives us of New York's ethnic neighborhoods in the 1940s.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: *. Weirdness: **. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ***.

Agricultural Aviation (film #30 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Industrial]

We're talking crop-dusting, folks. Planes and more planes and helicopters, too, spraying chemicals on everything in sight. Like Crow says in the msting of The Truck Farmer, "There's nothing we can't spray!" The mst3k gang would have had a field day with this one, especially when they get to the part about tobacco farming. This is one to take to your next msting party. Just make sure there's no organic food fanatics coming––it would give them a heart attack!

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ****. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ****.

Arctic Giant (film #3 on Cartoon Crazys: Sci-Fi (WinStar Home Entertainment, 1999)). [Category: Hollywood]

This is one of the better Superman cartoons. A tyranosaurus rex is found frozen in a block of ice in the Arctic. It is brought to New York City, where it is put on display in a museum. Unfortunately, New York is also the home of bungling Lois Lane, who, as usual, precipitates an accident that causes the dinosaur to get thawed out. Once thawed, it comes alive and starts rampaging the city in a most Godzilla-like way. Fortunately, Superman comes to the rescue. Visually, this cartoon is stunning, with its Art-Deco-inspired design, odd camera angles, and urban machinery that dwarfs the humans. But you want to slap Lois Lane after awhile––there seems to be no bad situation that she can't make worse.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: **. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ****.

Asphyxiated Heart (film #5 in the Indie Section of Movieflix (www.movieflix.com)). [Category: Outtakes & Obscurities]

I thought I was doing this whole film ephemera thing so I wouldn't have to watch stupid romances like this. At least it's only a few minutes long, which gives it an edge over most films of this ilk. But they still could have cut quite a few seconds out of the disgusting kiss scene and had a better film for it.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: **. Weirdness: BOMB. Historical Interest: BOMB. Overall Rating: BOMB.

Alco-Beat (film #3 on The Educational Archives, Volume Three: Driver's Ed DVD (Fantoma, 2002)). [Category: Educational]

A bunch of folks are liquored up, then given a driving test, which they miserably fail, but they don't really care. All to prove that you shouldn't drive if you've had a few. This is a surprisingly wimpy film. The worst consequence of drunk driving is shown to be a few dented fenders, or, horror of horrors, having to take a sobriety test in front of a huge crowd of sneering onlookers. Considering the gore level of other films of the period, this film was probably a welcome relief to its audience.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ***. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: ***. Overall Rating: ***.

The Battle of the Sexes (track #32 on Stay Tuned: Television's Unforgettable Moments DVD (Garner Creative Concepts, 2002)). [Category: News]

This documentation of the Billie Jean King/Bobby Riggs "Battle of the Sexes" tennis match is a bit long on commentary and short on footage. Granted, you do need to provide some backstory for those who don't remember, or are too young to remember, this incredible moment in sports hype. But I wish they had included a little bit more of the actual match.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: **. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ***.

Adelante Cubanos (film #25 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Military & Propaganda]

Industry! Working to make the world safe for...uh, communism. This 1959 Cuban film looks no different from any American industrial film of the period. It might seem more different to me if I understood Spanish, which I don't. Visually, it all seems to be about industry cranking out more and more consumer goods so consumers can spend, spend, spend. All for the good of communism, of course. A weird twist on "we have met the enemy, and he is us."

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ***. Weirdness: ****. Historical Interest: *****. Overall Rating: ****.

Alice in Wonderland (film #1 on Alice in Wonderland/Aladdin and the Wonderful Lamp DVD-R (Grapevine Video)). [Category: Early Film & TV]

Somebody went to an awful lot of trouble back in 1915 to create this adaptation of the classic Lewis Carroll children's story. The costumes are wonderful, the acting is good, and the story is followed pretty faithfully. Some key scenes from the book are left out (such as the Mad Tea Party), but it's unclear whether or not footage has been lost (I think it probably has). Other than the possible lost footage, the print is in excellent condition. Overall, this is one of the best film adaptations of Alice I've ever seen, and that's saying something for a film made back in 1915. A 1915 American film.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: **. Weirdness: ****. Historical Interest: *****. Overall Rating: ****.

Classic Commercials, Vol. 1 (Madacy Entertainment, 1998). [Category: Commercial]

I got this series from the $2.99 bin at Best Buy. This tape has mostly commercials from the 50s and they're practically all kinescopes, which means the video quality is not very good. But on the plus side there's a really fun assortment here with a number of really great ones, plus the tape turns out to be a little over 50 minutes long when it says only 30 minutes on the package. Not a bad deal for $2.99 really, especially if you love dancing cigarettes, as there's a whole slew of 'em at the beginning of the tape. This tape runs heavily in the animation department in general, which is just fine with me, as I love cute animated characters. The commercials seemed to be grouped into categories which could be labeled Cigarettes & Tobacco Products, Household Cleaning Products, Drugs & Personal Hygiene Products, Food, and Beer & Wine, with a motor oil commercial thrown on at the end. All in all, it's a fun assortment from the 50s.

Highlights:

• "Here's a man who smokes Marlboro cigarettes. What kind of a man is he?" From the looks of the commercial, he seems to be a crazed loner on the order of Charles Whitman.
  
• Watch a kindly uncle teach a kid to smoke in the Robert Burns cigar commercial!
  
• Watch Manners the Miniature Butler solve one of the most vexing problems of our time: the problem of paper napkins slipping off peoples' laps.
  
• Watch the birth of the psychedelic era in a 50s Band-Aid commercial!
  
• Watch Arthur Godfrey search in vain for a bit of chicken in a bowl of Lipton Chicken Noodle Soup!
  
• Watch some proto-Muppets advertise Wilkins Instant Coffee.
  

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: *****. Weirdness: ****. Historical Interest: *****. Overall Rating: ****.

Beachcombing Belle (film #5 on Exploitation Mini-Classics, Vol. 2 (Sinister Cinema)). [Category: Sleaze & Outsider]

A pretty female beachcomber does her laundry in a tidepool, stripping down to a skimpy bikini in the process, all so that we can leer at her. And in case we don't get the idea, a smarmy narrator misses no opportunity to make leering comments. This would be highly offensive, except it's so tame by today's standards that all you can do is laugh at how pathetic it is.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ***. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ***.

Safety Belt for Susie (film #7 on The Educational Archives, Vol. 3: Driver's Ed DVD (Fantomas, 2001). Also, film #2 on Our Secret Century, Vol. 4: Menace and Jeopardy CD-ROM (Voyager)). [Category: Public Service]

A couple's little girl, Nancy, takes her life-sized doll Susie with her everywhere, except to her week-long visit to Grandma's (she can't take it on the plane). While driving to pick up Nancy at Grandma's, with Susie in the backseat, the couple gets into a bad auto accident. Fortunately, they were both wearing their seatbelts, so they avoid serious injury. But Susie is thrown into the front seat and has her head almost wrenched off her body. Gasp! What if that had been Nancy?, they think. They go to the doctor to treat their minor cuts and scrapes, and the doctor just happens to be a traffic safety expert. He tells them about crash studies at UCLA, and we see a bunch of slow motion scenes of cars with dolls in them crashing into each other. Needless to say, Nancy, and Susie too, wear seatbelts thereafter. The plot of this film is one of the more ludicrous I've seen. But the real meat of the film is the crash footage with the dolls. I suppose they were trying to make it shocking, but it comes off as gleeful and sensuous, which undercuts their message just a bit, I think. It doesn't help that the experimenters taped names to the dolls' foreheads for some odd reason. One of the most memorable of the safety films.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ****. Weirdness: *****. Historical Interest: *****. Overall Rating: ****.

Brother, Can You Spare a Dime? (VCI Home Video, 1992). [Category: Outtakes & Obscurities]

Another collage of film clips, like The Atomic Cafe, only this one is about the Depression. The story is told through a montage of both newsreel footage of actual events and clips from Hollywood movies of the period. That's appropriate, because Hollywood was at its peak during the Depression, and images from the movies were a part of everyone's consciousness during the period. And despite their idealism and hokiness, the movie clips do reflect the feelings stirred up by the newsreel footage, making an interesting counterpoint. A great historical film.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ***. Weirdness: ****. Historical Interest: *****. Overall Rating: *****.

The Eagle Has Landed (film #1 on NASA DVD (Madacy Entertainment, 1999)). [Category: News]

This film features edited highlights of the Apollo 11 mission––the first mission to land a man on the moon. TV footage alternates with official NASA film footage and photographs to tell the story of the mission. The narration is straightforward and minimal, which is good from an ephemera standpoint, as it doesn't interfere with the highly interesting and visually arresting footage. The film is pretty short for its subject matter and I wish more tv footage had been included. Still, it's a pretty good document of what was probably the most important and memorable space mission ever.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: *. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: *****. Overall Rating: ****.