I've Got a Secret (track #1 on TV Game Shows, Vol. 1 (Hollywood's Attic, 1996)). [Category: Outtakes & Obscurities]
This mid-60s game show features a celebrity panel trying to guess the secrets of contestants with unusual achievements or qualities. This episode features a man who was once spanked by Lyndon Johnson (unfortunately, this is a lot less interesting than it sounds), a young man who won a prize for baking the world's largest cookie, and Jose Frerer with a quiz about animal sounds in other languages. The celebrity panel is mildly amusing in the way that only game show celebrity panels can be. The beginning was cut off of this show, so we only get to see the final moments of the first segment. Too bad, I really would have liked to see the panel struggle with that one.Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ***. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ***.
Act One (film #15 in The Carol Burnett Shows section of TVParty). [Category: Outtakes & Obscurities]
This is a clip from act one of Carol Burnett’s special, “Eunice,” which portrays the history of a silly Southern family that had been featured in a popular series of sketches on Burnett’s variety show. In the clip, Phillip is leaving for New York to become a playwright, while Eunice obliviously talks about her unrealistic plans to become a movie star, and Mama tries in vain to get their father to come out of the bathroom. I remember those skits as being funny and fascinating, so it’s nice to see the little-known special archived here. This clip gives you an idea of the ridiculousness of this family and some of its appeal, as well.Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ****. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ****.
Anti-AIDS Rant (film #2 in the TV Terrorists section of TVParty). [Category: News]
This very brief clip shows a group of AIDS activists who managed to get some of their chanting on the air during the opening of the “CBS Evening News.” Dan Rather stays cool and immediately goes to a commercial. It’s this kind of unscripted stuff I love to see, so kudos to TVParty for the whole TV Terrorists section.Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: **. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ***.
Branding Calves (film #1 on Buckaroos in Paradise). [Category: Industrial]
This short film is part of a series made in the 1960s by a Nevada cattle rancher to document the ranching practices of the time. In this film, we see how calves are branded. It’s not nearly as upsetting as you might think, and it provides an interesting historical view of cattle ranching, ending with the wife bringing down a big meal for all the hands to eat.Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: *. Weirdness: **. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ***.
The Astor Tramp (film #21 on Edison Film Archive). [Category: Early Film & TV]
A tramp hangs out in a rich lady’s bedroom until the lady comes home and gets a nasty surprise. After he is kicked out, he steals a newspaper from a paper boy. Jerk. He reads with delight a newspaper story about his antics, presaging the fondness of 20th-century criminals for courting the media. A slightly silly early comedy. An 1899 Edison film.Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ***. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: ***. Overall Rating: ***.
Malibu Mermaid (film #882 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Sleaze & Outsider]
A bikini-clad beauty sits in the surf and lets the water repeatedly pull her bikini top off. This is done to a bouncy soundtrack that any industrial film would be proud of. Another fairly standard vintage stag film.Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ***. Weirdness: **. Historical Interest: ***. Overall Rating: **.
Alpha-Bits (film #5 in the Saturday Morning Commercials section of TVParty). [Category: Commercial]
Cute early 60s commercial urging kids to “spell your name with Alpha-Bits!” Has an innocence not found in commercials today, even those targeted at children.Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ****. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ****.
Doubtful Dollars (film #455 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Public Service]
In this 40s government film, the head of a ring of counterfitters, who has an outrageously stereotyped gangster voice, passes a gives a bunch of phony money to his minions, who are only shown from the waist down. Then those same minions are shown from the waist up, blandly passing the fake dough in stores and other businesses, usually by buying something really cheap and paying for it with a big (and fake) bill. You keep expecting one of the store clerks to get wise, but they never do. Then a guy from the Secret Service tells us how to spot fake money, and we get to see a bit of interesting factory tour footage of dollar bills being made at the mint. Unfortunately, the film is incomplete. This film is quite campy and fun for the most part, though the part about spotting errors in fake money drags a bit.Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ****. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: *****. Overall Rating: ****.
The Avengers #5 (film #9 in the Cult section of TVArk). [Category: Outtakes & Obscurities]
A 1968 version of the opening credits to the popular British spy show. In this one, Patrick Macnamee battles several knights in armor. I smell shark-jumping here.Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ***. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ***.
Bookkeeping and Accounting (in the Ephemeral section of Open Video Project. Also, film #231 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Industrial]
Vocational guidance film about that most exciting of fields: bookkeeping and accounting! Ah yes, the thrill of the ledger! The smell of fresh ink on paper! The satisfaction of adding up firm columns of figures! The…oh, I can’t keep this up any longer. It’s DULL, folks! It’s so dull and tedious and boring…I want to become a LION TAMER!!Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: **. Weirdness: **. Historical Interest: ***. Lions: 0. Overall Rating: **.
Brazil at War (in the Ephemeral section of Open Video Project. Also, film #242 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Military & Propaganda]
This film was made right after Brazil joined the allies during World War II. It basically describes what a great ally Brazil was expected to be. What this boils down to is a military version of a travelogue. It’s somewhat ironic to watch today, considering Brazil didn’t exactly end up being known for its military victories, and that it did later become known for harboring Nazis. Mostly, though, this is dull.Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: *. Weirdness: *. Historical Interest: ***. Overall Ratings: **.
The Grapevine (film #7 on The Educational Archives, Volume Four: On the Job (Fantoma, 2002)). [Catetgory: Industrial]
Mr. Stone, head of the accounting department, is frustrated because the "girls" (they are always referred to that way) in his department are constantly flying off the handle in response to wild rumours heard on the office grapevine. He wonders why they don't just ask him about stories they've heard, but he is totally clueless to the fact that when they do ask him about anything, he bites their heads off. Then, suddenly, we're in Centron-land––the film has a “What do you think?" ending. The sexism in this film is both blatant and subtle, which was typical of the time in which it was made.Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ****. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ****.
Chinese Lion Dance, Marysville, California (in the Ephemeral section of Open Video Project. Also, film #1162 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Hollywood]
This is footage from a mid-1920s Chinese New Year celebration in Marysville, California, complete with dragon (though here, it's referred to as a lion) and lots of fireworks. A historically interesting slice of 20s immigrant life.Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: *. Weirdness: **. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: **.
BBC1 Schools #1 (film #1 in the Schools section of TVArk). [Category: Educational]
Remember educational television? Remember the boring counters they used to have before the programs started? Here’s the British version of that, which is actually fairly mesmerizing. It features a diamond-shaped BBC logo that gradually morphs into two diamonds. I bet this fascinated the schoolkids of the time.Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: *. Weirdness: **. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ***.
The Avengers #4 (film #8 in the Cult section of TVArk). [Category: Outtakes & Obscurities]
It’s 1966 and now “The Avengers” is IN COLOR! Well, I guess that’s one way to open a champagne bottle. Very cool.Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ****. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ****.
Battleships Maine and Iowa (film #10 on Who Built America? (Voyager CD-ROM, 1993). [Category: Early Film & TV]
After the sinking of the battleship Maine, the Biograph company rereleased Edwin S. Porter's Panorama of War under this title. This is just a very brief clip of the film, with narration telling us the above fact. Since Panorama of War is also on the CD-ROM, this is kind of pointless. An 1898 Biograph film.Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: *. Weirdness: *. Historical Interest: *. Overall Rating: *.
Astor Battery on Parade (film #20 on Edison Film Archive. Also, film #12 on The Spanish-American War in Motion Pictures). [Category: Early Film & TV]
This is basically your standard military parade from the 1890s, meaning there are more horses and swords than are generally seen today. An 1899 Edison film.Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: *. Weirdness: *. Historical Interest: ***. Overall Rating: **.
Let Us Break Bread Together (in the Ephemeral section of Open Video Project. Also, film #820 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Sleaze & Outsider]
This 50s film documents an ambitious (for its time) project the public school system in New York City instituted to break down racism by pairing schools in racially homogenous neighborhoods with other such schools whose racial composition was different and having the students visit each others’ schools and work on group projects together. It’s an admirable idea, and it looks like the project itself was fairly successful, but the film is bizarrely directed and incredibly tedious. It starts with an interracial choir singing the African-American spiritual “Let Us Break Bread Together” verrrrrrry sloooowwwllly, and that sets you up for what’s to come. All speech in the film, including the narration and comments from participants in the program, is done in a very slow, measured cadence, with pauses after every two or three words. Instead of filming spontaneous responses to interview questions from the participants, all comments from the participants (this includes comments from children, parents, and teachers) were heavily scripted and recited by the participants in the same slow, measured cadence. The actual content of both the narration and the participants’ comments sounds like it was written with the assumption that all audience members for the film would be slightly mentally retarded, so everything would need to be explained very slowly and carefully, with lots of repetition. When speaking, the participants look like they were given large doses of Thorazine and were directed to read off of cue cards that had only two or three words written on each one. One woman keeps glancing in different directions, as if every cue card was shown to her from a different vantage point. The film ends with two of the children reciting in unison a poem that was written by one of the other participants in the program. They do this staring straight ahead at the camera and speaking very slowly and without a trace of emotion. After awhile, you begin to wonder if this project took place in the School System of the Living Dead, or perhaps aliens had stolen their souls. The narrator, for some reason, has a weird, pseudo-British accent, which just adds to the weirdness of the proceedings. It’s too bad, really, that the film was so poorly directed, because the project itself was very interesting and ambitious, and could have sparked a really fascinating film. As it is, despite its weirdness, it puts you to sleep.Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ***. Weirdness: *****. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ***.
Eisenhower for President (film #31 on Ephemeral Films CD-ROM (Voyager). Also in the Ephemeral section of Open Video Project. Also, film #1818 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Commercial]
This is the delightful "I Like Ike" animated commercial of the 50's, produced by Roy Disney, Walt's brother. I may not particularly "like Ike", but I sure like this wonderful example of 50's cute animation. Probably the best campaign spot ever made, especially when compared with today's mudslinging.Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ***. Weirdness: **. Historical Interest: *****. Overall Rating: ****.
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Better Reading
Better Reading . Teenager Harold Wilson has a problem—he can’t read for (expletive deleted). So he has to spend all his free time studying ...
