Check the Neck (film #1 on AV Geeks). [Category: Industrial]
Straightforward 60s film for emergency personnel for dealing with persons who have had a laryngectomy, and thus breathe through a hole in the neck. This is important information to know and it’s presented in a straightforward non-sensationalistic manner, so you don’t want to laugh at this film at all. One interesting part of it features a picnic of such people, and they’re all chatting away with each other, using the “esophagal method of speech,” which sounds suspiciously like the same process kids use to burp on command. Still, there but for the grace of God go I––these people actually deserve admiration for coming up with a new way to communicate. All in all, this is an interesting film, but not one to laugh at.Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: N/A. Weirdness: ****. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ****.
Additional Bit of Dialogue (film #19 in The Lost Lucy Themes section of TVParty). [Category: Early Film & TV]
This is a bit of dialogue between Fred and Ethel from an episode of “I Love Lucy” that was cut for syndication. It mainly involves Fred making jokes about Ethel’s appetite. This has mild historical interest, especially for Lucy fans, but mostly is pretty ordinary.Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ***. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ***.
Aesop and Son (film #10 in the Daws Butler’s Cereal Commercials section of TVParty). [Category: Commercial]
The “Aesop and Son” characters from “Rocky and Bullwinkle” pitch Cheerios. Somehow, this involves beavers (not evil ones, fortunately) and what was probably the first usage of the term “power breakfast.” Ordinary, but mildly fun, as Jay Ward characters usually are.Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ***. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ***.
Purely Coincidental (film #23 on AV Geeks. Also, film #10 on The Educational Archives, Volume Four: On the Job DVD (Fantoma, 2002)). [Category: Industrial]
This maudlin industrial safety film has a convoluted plot. It features two guys who like to hunt––one who works in a dogfood plant, the other in a food processing plant. Both plants are chockfull of food handling violations, which are announced by scary synthesizer whines on the soundtrack, but which are nevertheless completely unnoticed by anybody. The guy who works in the dogfood plant uses a drill to fix a broken canning line, creating iron shavings which he casually brushes into an empty can. Before he can dispose of the can, he is called away from the line, and another clueless worker puts the can on the line to be filled with dogfood. Meanwhile, the guy who works in the food processing plant gets grease all over his fingers fixing a broken packaging machine, then later handles dough with the same greasy fingers. By an incredible coincidence, his prize hunting dog is killed from eating the can of dogfood with the iron shavings in it, while a package of contaminated food from his plant is eaten by the dogfood plant guy's little girl, who gets a bad case of food poisoning and has to have her stomach pumped, causing her mom to go into hysterics (good thing she wasn't Eggbert's mom!). Both guys complain bitterly to their friends that those guys in those other plants just don't care about food safety. Then they meet and befriend each other at a hunting lodge, still clueless about their coincidental attachment. Oh, the irony! This is one of the most labored films I've ever seen. The film makers try so hard to sell their point and are so unconvincing. There should be some sort of award for that.Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ***. Weirdness: ****. Historical Interest: ***. Overall Rating: ****.
Cabin in the Sky (recorded off of Turner Classic Movies). [Category: Sleaze & Outsider]
This 40s all-black cast musical was not made for black audiences, but for white, so there are stereotypes aplenty. Eddie Anderson plays a hapless gambler who gets a reprieve from hell provided he clean up his act in six months. Ethel Waters plays his good-hearted, religious wife Petunia and Lena Horne plays the temptress Georgia Brown who keeps getting him into trouble. Although the stereotypes and general portrayal of African American culture is awful, the cast, as you might expect from the names I just mentioned, often rises above the material. In fact, you’d be hard pressed to find a movie containing more black talent of that time in one place. Duke Ellington’s band provides the music and there’s even a cameo by Louis Armstrong as a minor devil who plays a smokin’ horn. This is also one of the few all-black cast films that had a sizable budget, and it shows. It’s too bad all this talent had to work with material that made them look (or tried to make them look anyway) ignorant, simple bumblers, in order to satisfy the prejudices of white audiences. But that’s racism for you. As you might expect, this is lively and fun if you can get past the stereotypes.Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ***. Weirdness: ****. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ****.
Date with Duke (film #2 on George Pal Puppetoons (Loonic Video)). [Category: Hollywood]
Duke Ellington conducts some anthropomorphic perfume bottles in a smoother-than-ice rendition of his "Perfume Suite." Then he accepts the challenge of an evil perfume-bottle-sprite-guy who insists that he doesn't like music and hates to dance, that is, until Duke produces some irresistably toe-tapping music. Only in animation and probably only in ephemeral animation do you see such goings-on presented as if they make perfect sense. Which they do.Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ****. Weirdness: ****. Historical Interest: *****. Overall Rating: ****.
A Case for Beer (film #1 on AV Geeks). [Category: Public Service]
This early-70s film is aimed at convenience store employees, discouraging them from selling beer to underage kids and giving tips on how to spot cheaters. This just screams 70s, and if you were a teen during that time, it’ll probably bring back lots of memories. The tips given are extremely basic and the clerks shown are universally dorky, so I bet plenty of clever teens got away with their six-packs back then. It brought back memories for me as a Midwesterner because of all the Midwestern brands shown, such as Falstaff beer and Kitty Clover potato chips, brands that don’t exist today. Mildly campy and a real blast from the past.Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ***. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: *****. Overall Rating: ****.
Birds of Prey (in the ephemeral section of Open Video Project. Also, film #221 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Educational]
Dry Encyclopedia Brittanica film about owls, vultures, and hawks. Now I’m a real owl fan, and the owls in this film are as great as owls usually are, but no thanks to the film’s presentation of them. The filmmakers must have been thinking, “Let’s take a really interesting subject, like prey birds, and see how boring we can make it.” God help us if an educational film actually holds students’ interest.Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: *. Weirdness: *. Historical Interest: **. Overall Rating: ** (gets an extra star for the presence of owls).
Are You Ready for Marriage 2004 (film #2 on Open Source Movies). [Category: Outtakes & Obscurities]
Scenes from classic Prelinger marriage films are interspersed with a contemporary couple, who act as if they are interacting with the characters from the films, especially the marriage counselor from Are You Ready for Marriage? This is lively and fun, though it could be funnier. On the other hand, it’s far and away the best wedding video I’ve ever seen.Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ****. Weirdness: ****. Historical Interest: ***. Overall Rating: ****.
BBC Election 70 (film #18 in the News section of TVArk). [Category: News]
Very brief, very blurry clip of the opening to an election report from 1970. Not much to see here, folks.Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: *. Weirdness: *. Historical Interest: **. Overall Rating: **.
Check and Let Me Know (in the Ephemeral section of Open Video Project. Also, film #290 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Industrial]
The president of the Snodgrass Company meets a salesman from an industrial film company on a business trip and gets all hopped up about making an industrial film. So he puts the wheels into motion by telling his vice president about it and asking him to do some research on the cost. This order gets passed around from employee to employee, changing in the process like a game of Telephone, until it metamorphoses into an order for 5000 toasters and the “fact” that a great industrial film can be made for only $5000. The salesman must bear the brunt of this, because the guy from Snodgrass who calls him insists that the $5000 was his (the salesman’s) bid. This is sort of like a 50s version of Dilbert, which makes it amusing, though it’s hard to figure out who this was made for. The film company that made it obviously has a poor opinion of its customers, but no advice is given for how to handle such a screwed-up situation. This makes it a great weird piece of ephemera, giving us a glimpse into what it was probably really like in the corporate offices of that time. Of course, Calvin, the company that made it, revealed in Calvin Workshop that its films were made by chimps, so maybe they could make a film for under $5000. So what’s the salesman’s problem? On the other hand, the employees of the Snodgrass Company make the chimps look pretty smart.Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ****. Weirdness: ****. Historical Interest: *****. Overall Rating: ****.
The Centaurs excerpts (film #5 on Animation Legend Winsor McCay DVD (Lumivision, 1997). Also, film #6 on Origins of American Animation). [Category: Early Film & TV]
A very attractive centaur (half-human, half-horse) couple romances each other. Eventually, the male centaur takes his lady love home to meet Mom and Dad, and they show off their new foal. These excerpts are very brief, but beautifully animated and quite touching nonetheless. I'd rather see this than the centaur scene in Fantasia any day. A 1918 Winsor McCay animated film.Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: N/A. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ****.
Answering the Child’s Why (film #1 on AV Geeks). [Category: Educational]
This is a charming little film about answering little kids’ questions. Parents are encouraged to answer every question their little darlings ask in a patient and accurate fashion, lest they grow up to be like awkward shy Molly, who never asks any questions. Not shown are the kids who say “Why?” over and over again just to annoy their parents, or the really embarrassing questions they sometimes come up with. Of course, this doesn’t take place in the real world, but in the ideal world of educational films, where teachers have time to patiently go over tests individually with their students, uncles are never inappropriate with little girls, and only really, really old and sick people die. It goes without saying that parenting is a lot easier in that world. Why? I don’t give a darn! He’s our shortstop!Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ****. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ****.
Band Drill (film #25 on Edison Film Archive). [Category: Early Film & TV]
Hey, kids! Look at the marching band! OK, I know it’s boring, but the whole parade can’t be Bart Simpson floats, can it? At least it’s only 22 seconds. An 1894 Edison film.Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: **. Weirdness: **. Historical Interest: ***. Overall Rating: **.
The Amazing Transparent Man (film #4 on SabuCat Movie Trailers). [Category: Commercial]
Fairly campy trailer for a silly 60s science fiction movie about a criminal that gets turned invisible by a scientist under the thumb of an evil guy who wants to control the world. Lots of invisible fight scenes are shown (Hey, bank guard! Watch out for that––do’h!!), which are the most fun.Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ****. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ***.
Boy Meets Dog (film #1 on Open Source Movies). [Category: Sleaze & Outsider]
Somebody had the bright idea to revive a bunch of old Castle Films cartoons from the 40s and make them accessible for the deaf. So we have a cute, slightly scary cartoon about a boy and a dog and a mean father and the elf justice system, interrupted every few minutes by a perky sign language interpreter, who tries to explain things deaf children might not get. This cartoon is pretty weird to begin with, containing a truly frightening dad and a scary “Youth Machine” that turns him into a baby, but the sign language interpreter makes it even a weirder experience to watch––some of her facial expressions are priceless. This could be the cartoon on a film program featuring Deafula––now all we need are some sign language snack bar promos.Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ***. Weirdness: ****. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ****.
Anatomy of an Accident.
Another weeper of a driver’s ed film. A guy who was killed in an auto accident comes back as a ghost and watches his wife sell his favorite chair to a couple of old biddies for 35 bucks. Then he tells us all about the accident. Apparently, after taking an extensive defensive driving course given by his employer, the Bell System, and preaching to his family endlessly about safe driving, he gets himself killed when he breaks one of his own rules, which frankly doesn’t speak too well for the driving course. Of course, he does live in a town where the driver’s are all universally terrible and you can count on seeing an accident every few miles. And you gotta wonder when the guy does an elaborate check on all his car’s lights before driving, but doesn’t have his family fasten their seat belts. The film ends with much wailing and gnashing of teeth by the guy’s wife when their little boy dies in the hospital. It’s a good thing she’s clueless about the fact that the old biddies who bought her husband’s chair were the very ones who caused the accident in the first place. The first part of the film is pretty campy, the middle part with the driver training course is boring (though I want the magnetic road board and the magnetic cars for the Film Ephemera Museum of Quirky Devices), and the end is tear-jerking. No gore in this one, but the opening credits end by smashing into the windshield, just as if you are in your very own accident.Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ****. Weirdness: ****. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ****.
Teenage UFO Rock 'n' Roll Monster Show (Something Weird). [Category: Commercial]
Teens! Sex! Hippies! Monsters! Rock 'n' Roll! It's all here on this fun tape of trailers from movies for and about teenagers. Lots of J.D. flicks, teen monster movies, and rock & roll movies are represented here and most of 'em are very campy. And if that's not enough, there's lots of extras, including some drive-in ephemera, a few spook show promos, and two uncut shorts: Twist Craze and A Preview to Teenage Crusade (reviewed separately). Johnny Legend even threw in a few weird video goodies at the end, a la Cartoons Celing Commercials. Loads of fun.
Highlights:
- Some great claims from the trailers: "Parents! Do you actually know what your children do for thrills and kicks?" "Alcoholic frustrated wives spending their days in bars!" "Hold on to your sanity if you can! And be grateful this did not happen to you!" "Teasing becomes torture! And torture terror!" "Youth! Emotionally mixed-up! Pent-up! Ready to explode into sex and violence!" "He's got hot rodders va-hoomin'! And hep cats suz-zoomin'!" "The Endsville from Sendsville!" "Every feverish moment in the emotional life of the immature!" "For Ivy Leaguers, Junior Leaguers, Little Leaguers, and Union Leaguers!" "See what happens when a pair of singin' swingin' teenagers turn Squaresville into Hipsville!" "If you're under 30, you'll want to see it! If you're over 30, you better see it!" and perhaps the least, but more likely the most idealistic claim of all: "Nobody will fall asleep during this picture!"
- Some great lines from the trailers: "She wasn't bad looking for a girl. Personally, I prefer a hopped-up roadster!" "You'll wind up in the gutter before you're old enough to vote!" "O.K., so you tell 'em we're gonna quit school for the twist!"
- Some well-known rock & rollers who appear in the films: Frankie Lymon & the Teenagers, Chuck Berry, the Moonglows, the Flamingos, the Johnny Burnette Trio, Clyde McPhatter, The Isley Brothers, the Clovers, Cliff Richards, Joey Dee & the Starliters, Chubby Checker, Del Shannon, Gary U.S. Bonds, Gene Vincent, the Beach Boys, Gerry and the Pacemakers, James Brown, Smokey Robinson & the Miracles, Marvin Gaye, Jan and Dean, the Supremes, the Rolling Stones, Joan Baez, Ray Charles, the Byrds, the Lovin' Spoonful, Donovan, Ike & Tina Turner, Bo Diddley, the Ronnettes, Neil Sedaka, the Seeds, the Strawberry Alarm Clock.
- Some lesser-known rock & rollers who appear in the films: Jimmy Camello, the Three Chuckles, Sereno & the Bowties, the Temperance Seven, the Rockin' Ramrods, Millie, the Bachelors, the Applejacks, Johnny B. Great, the Offbeats, the New Society Band, the Grit.
- Gimmick Alert: Teenage Caveman is in Superama! Werewolf in a Girls' Dormitory is in Nerve-O-Rama! It is recommended that teenagers and their parents see The Explosive Generation together! You must relieve the theater from all responsibility for death by fright before seeing The Horror of Party Beach! The T.A.M.I. Show is in Electro-Vision! And don't forget the free Fabian pix!
- Msties, take note: Contains the trailers for I Was a Teenage Werewolf, Teenage Caveman, The Horror of Party Beach, and The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies. Dr. Macabre's Frightmare of Movie Monsters features the Teenage Werewolf and the Colossal Beast alive! In person!
Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: *****. Weirdness: *****. Historical Interest: *****. Overall Rating: *****.
American Scene Magazine (film #6 in the Gleason’s Greatest Bomb section of TVParty). [Category: Outtakes & Obscurities]
Opening from a 50s version of Jackie Gleason’s variety show. This is before my time, but it brought back memories of Gleason’s 60s show, as well as the way variety shows used to have such a special event air about them. The June Taylor Dancers do an impressive dance routine, complete with a kaleidoscopic aerial camera sequence (Busby Berkeley, eat your heart out!), then Gleason himself comes out and does some high-kicking in the chorus line (and about has a heart attack in the process). This is one of the longer and better clips on the TVParty site, and it’s something you probably can see nowhere else.Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ****. Weirdness: ****. Historical Interest: *****. Overall Rating: *****.
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Better Reading
Better Reading . Teenager Harold Wilson has a problem—he can’t read for (expletive deleted). So he has to spend all his free time studying ...
