Living Better Cinematically

As the Twig Is Bent.

Made during World War II by Aetna Life & Casualty, this film encourages parents to make a special effort to look after their kids during wartime. It fairly accurately spells out the special problems the war was creating for children, such as lack of adult supervision, family upheaval, and teens dropping out of school to take jobs in war production. But, like many corporate-sponsored films, it places responsibility for these problems entirely in the lap of the individual, which seems particularly ridiculous during a worldwide war. This individual-blaming really takes the cake when the film asserts that so many of the generation who were children during World War I became criminals solely because of parental failure. Aw, c'mon––don't you think the Depression and Prohibition bootlegging had at least a little bit to do with it? The film then tells parents that it is their duty to maintain as normal a home life as possible for their children––how parents are supposed to do this when Daddy's off fighting the war, Mommy's working in a defense plant, and the family has just moved to a trailer court in a defense boomtown far from their extended family is not spelled out. A real guilt producer.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: *.

Bandaid Commercial (film #2 in the Comercial Section of Movieflix (www.movieflix.com)). [Category: Commercial]

An evil clown encourages kids to injure themselves so they can put Bandaids with stars on them on their cuts. Unfortunately, he's only a Bucky Beaver wanna-be, but this is pretty campy all the same.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: **. Weirdness: *. Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: .

Back to Nature (extra on The Beast That Killed Women/The Monster of Camp Sunshine DVD (Something Weird, 2001)). [Category: Sleaze & Outsider]

A bunch of naked people frolic in a nudist colony. They swim, ride horses, swordfight, have barbecues, do laundry (towels only), and go rock climbing, all while carefully keeping their backs to the camera or draping a towel casually over their naughty bits. It's all supposed to be so wholesome, but you just know that this film is designed for ogling purposes. Most disturbing is the male shower sequence and the thoroughly disgusting-looking barbecue.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: .

Arteries of New York City (film #83 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Public Service]

Fairly dry film about the various transportation routes into and out of New York City. It does have lots of historically interesting scenes of NYC in the 50s, though.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: **. Overall Rating: .

Amie en Matiere Plastique (film #3 in the Indie Section of Movieflix). [Category: Outtakes & Obscurities]

A nerdy guy gives a heartfelt marriage proposal to...his inflatable love doll. Har-de-har-har. I saw this one coming a mile away. Still, it's lots better than Asphyxiated Heart, even counting the scene of him sucking the doll's fingers.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: *. Overall Rating: **.

Berkeley, California Fire

Berkeley, California Fire.

Silent newsreel footage of a devastating 1923 fire that destroyed much of Berkeley, California. Footage of the fire is followed by scenes of the aftermath and cleanup efforts. Most interesting is a few brief scenes of homeless fire victims cheerily making the best of it by cooking outdoors or playing a rescued piano. Mostly, this is just a historical document, though.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: N/A. Weirdness: . Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: *.

All Out for Victory (film #43 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Military & Propaganda]

Firestone produced this World War II film, in which it shows us all the different kinds of war materials being produced in its plant. It's a fascinating historical document, because it shows the diversity of workers hired for war production. Blind workers unravel the ends of parachute straps, a one-armed man operates a one-handed hole-punching machine, deaf workers work in the noisiest part of the factory, elderly men come out of retirement to offer their well-honed skills, and, of course, women are everywhere. It's also interesting to see the wide variety of war materials Firestone produced and how they produced them. And it's a stirring piece of propaganda, as we are constantly reminded that relatives of these workers who are in the armed services depend in a life-or-death way on the quality of these materials. For instance, one woman's son was saved by a lifebelt that she herself had inspected (it had her inspection stamp on it). This is shown to make the workers extra careful about the quality of their work. One of the better industrial incentive films that was made.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: .

Air Transportation (film #31 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Industrial]

This 50s vocational guidance film outlines the various kinds of jobs available in the airline industry. It's pretty dry, though there is some interesting gender-related material, particularly the requirements for stewardesses. And there's some historical interest, if you're looking for information on how the airlines were in the 50s.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: **. Weirdness: *. Historical Interest: **. Overall Rating: .

The Asylum of the Insane (extra on Monsters Crash the Pajama Party Spook Show Spectacular DVD (Something Weird, 2001)). [Category: Hollywood]

This 3-D short, called The Asylum of the Insane, remember, features lots of lame 3-D gimmicks such as a child on a swing, a boy throwing a football towards the screen, and a juggler playing with balls on elastic strings, while the narrator talks about dreams. The title is very vaguely alluded to in the final scene which features teens in rubber fright masks swinging knives or baseball bats around in the thin air. Uh...OK.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: **. Weirdness: *. Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: **.

Alcohol and the Human Body (film #40 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Educational]

The effects of alcohol on the human body and brain are presented in a dry, dull fashion, with the help of primitive animated sequences of black dots of alcohol going through the bloodstream, as well as film clips of drunk people. Mildly campy is the ending of the scene about treatment of alcoholics, where the former skid-row bum is discharged in a new suit and told sternly to never touch the stuff again. Yeah, right. Mostly this is boring, though.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: .

Along the Great Divide: Great Britain 1900-1912 (film #1 on The Silent Revolution: What Do Those Old Films Mean?, Vol. 1 (Facets, 1999)). [Category: Early Film & TV]

This is the first in a series of BBC documentaries about early film. This one concentrates on early English films and contains many clips of same. It's well-written and provides an interesting historical context to the films. The soundtracks of the films are unusual––some are typical piano soundtracks, others have sound effects that are so appropriate that the films seem like sound films at first, and some have bizarre experimental vocal music soundtracks. These documentaries should be good companions to the other films on this list as they place them within their historical contexts. This film points out that early English film was mostly made for the lower classes and has an anarchic feeling as a result, a feeling that was later lost when the middle and upper classes got interested in film. This provides a historical context for other films in this category, including Rescued by Rover, A Day in the Life of a Coalminer, and Buy Your Own Cherries (which turns out to be a temperance film--who'd a thought?).

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: *. Overall Rating: **.

Classic Commercials, Vol. 3 (Madacy Entertainment, 1998). [Category: Commercial]

This tape has mostly 60s commercials, with lots of celebrity endorsements, well-known advertising characters (Josephine the Plumber, Mr. Whipple, etc.), ditzy housewives, and Proctor & Gamble products. Should bring back lots of memories for those of us who grew up during the 60s (like me).

Highlights:

I had that Frito bandito eraser! It was cool!
See the American Association of Retired Persons being pitched by Fibber McGee and his closet, Post Grape-Nuts being pitched by Euell Gibbons and his cattails, and Scotties tissues being pitched by Jimmy Durante and his nose.
There's another great 60s Kool-Aid commercial here featuring both Bugs Bunny and the Monkees! How can you top that?
Memorable advertising characters found on this tape: the obnoxious Phillip Morris delivery boy, the Frito Bandito, Josephine the plumber, Tony the Tiger, the anti-pollution PSA crying Indian, Mrs. Olson, and Mr. Whipple.
Watch Ed McMahon get a bowling trophy for beer drinking!
This tape really goes overboard on the ditzy housewives. When they're not obsessing on laundry whiteness and stain removal, they're talking way too much about smeary makeup. No wonder there was a feminist movement during the 60s!

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: **. Weirdness: . Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: .

Beautyrest Mattresses commercial (film #6 on TV Turkeys (Rhino, 1987)). [Category: Sleaze & Outsider]

This early Technicolor filmed commercial (probably a "minute movie" meant for movie theaters, rather than a tv commercial) is one of the most blatantly racist things I've ever seen. A black maid named Congenial, who looks like a Topsy doll, tells her white employer, in outrageous mammyspeak, all about her latest husband's (he's number five) problems with sleepwalking, and how she solved them by buying a Beautyrest mattress. The white woman actually says with a straight face, "But how can you afford that on your salary?", allowing Congenial to mention Beautyrest's easy payment plan, which even a Negro can afford! It's hard to believe that not so long ago this was considered perfectly acceptable, which is precisely why such things need to be preserved.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ***. Weirdness: . Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: ***.

Valley Town (film #3 on Our Secret Century, Vol. 2: Capitalist Realism CD-ROM (Voyager). Also, film #1000 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Public Service]

This 1930s documentary about the impact of the Depression on steelworkers in a Pennsylvania town stands in stark contrast to the optimistic corporate films on this and the other Our Secret Century discs, and yet it shares certain traits with them as well. This film shows us the downside of capitalism and the Industrial Revolution. A steel town thrives from all the new industries providing jobs for its citizens and lots of nifty machine-made goods to buy. But then the Depression hits and factories close down. Two thirds of the workforce is thrown out of work. And when some of the factories open up again, it's with new, high-speed automated equipment, which requires much fewer workers. The despair of the unemployed workers and their families is shown, as is the need for aggressive retraining programs, so that the workers can find new jobs. This film uses a lot of the same techniques as the corporate-sponsored films, but with a very different message. Thus it reminds me a lot of those other films, but in stark counterpoint. The initial images of thriving factories are a lot like those in Master Hands, but with the looming specter of the inevitable closing of the plant hovering over them. We see a worker walking home, like in From Dawn to Sunset, but this worker is not walking home from work, but from another unsuccessful day looking for a job. He walks through a run-down slum area, rather than one of the pretty neighborhoods in the other film. And instead of hearing voices singing about his "perfect life", you hear him thinking about how he dreads going home and seeing once again the disappointment in his wife's face when he tells her he hasn't found work yet. There's even a musical interlude featuring a housewife, like in Design for Dreaming. But this housewife isn't having pretty dreams about a rosy future, she's adding up all the family expenses in her head and worrying about where the money's going to come from––to her, the future looks pretty bleak. A touching film that provides a good dose of reality to the Our Secret Century series.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: N/A. Weirdness: **. Historical Interest: *. Overall Rating: ***.

Captain Celluloid vs. the Film Pirates (Sinister Cinema, 1999). [Category: Outtakes & Obscurities]

OK, I said I wasn't going to do any serials, but this is different. A bunch of film buffs, including William K. Everson, author of Classics of the Horror Film, got together in the 60s and made this "Adventure Serial" as a tribute to the old silent serials. The joke is that it all involves collecting silent films. Hooded villain The Dupe Master steals negatives of classic silent films and duplicates them to sell on the film society black market. Caped crusader Captain Celluoid does his best to stop his evil machinations. What both men don't know, at the beginning at least, is that in their true identities they are both members of the Associated Film Distributors, a 4-man-and-one-female-secretary body that meets daily in a tiny office to discuss the problem of film piracy. The serial, in 4 chapters, manages to throw in practically all the serial cliches you remember, such as endless farfetched fistfights, lots of car chases, and a cliffhanger ending for every chapter. As a tribute to silent films, the dialogue is all done with title cards, though the film has a soundtrack of music and sound effects. I was expecting this to be funnier, but it seems to be more of an earnest tribute than a parody. Still, it's quite lively and lots of fun.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: *. Weirdness: . Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: **.

Feed (First Run Features, 1992). [Category: News]

Imagine you could watch political candidates during their "off" times, when they think they're not being watched. You get a little bit of that in this film about the 1992 New Hampshire presidential primary. Video artist Brian Springer hooked a video recorder up to a satellite dish and recorded unedited news feeds of political candidates in front of cameras but before the "official" broadcasts have started. This footage is combined with local tv news footage, news footage outtakes, and films of grass-roots front-lines campaign workers doing the gritty work for their chosen candidates. It all forms an enlightening and quite funny collage of the American political process as it actually happens, which is not necessarily the way the media portrays it. We get to see fascinating moments such as Jerry Brown endlessly adjusting his tie, a New Hampshire newscaster struggling to coherently interview Bob Kerrey when Kerrey can't hear him, a Clinton campaign worker skillfully steering a homeless man away from Hillary and then trying to get him to register to vote, another Clinton campaign worker making endless phone calls and dealing with difficult callers, Paul Tsongas ribbing Sam Donaldson when he spots Sam at the back of a crowd during a speech, political analysts asserting that no one will vote for Tsongas because he wears a pocket protecter or for Kerrey because "he looks like a choirboy", Ross Perot telling off-color jokes, Jerry Brown surreally leaning into the camera and using a nasal spray, and endless scenes of a complacent-looking George Bush sitting and waiting to go on the air. Would that we could watch something like this before an election, rather than after.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: **. Weirdness: . Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: ***.

And a Voice Shall Be Heard! (film #4 on Atomic Scare Films, Vol. 2 (Something Weird, 2000)). [Category: Military & Propaganda]

The good people of Syracuse, New York show us how they would cope with a nuclear attack. Things turn out just fine, mainly because they have plenty of two-way radios, a bank of phones that in peacetime were probably used to drum up support for Public Television, and a firetruck. We are especially relieved to find out that although an elementary school was nuked, no children were harmed because they all decided to play hooky that day. Check out the bowties on one of the ham radio experts and the bizarre looking "food" loaf a family is having for dinner during the closing credits.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: .

Ban Roll-On (film #1 in the Commercial section of Movieflix (www.movieflix.com)). [Category: Commercial]

Here's a little historical gem--a commercial that documents the introduction of roll-on deodorant. You can tell because they have to explain what it is and how it works. It also features a dainty 50s woman telling you that Ban is "safe for your finest clothes" and a bunch of statuesque figures of nice-looking people who may need deodorant (tennis players, dancers, etc.). A nice piece of 50s history.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: **. Weirdness: . Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: *.

Artist's Paradise (extra on Night of the Bloody Apes/Feast of Flesh DVD (Something Weird, 2002)). [Category: Sleaze & Outsider]

A bunch of pretty naked ladies bathe in a chilly stream until a gorilla chases them away. Well, what did you expect?? OK, I wasn't expecting the gorilla, but I guess they had to have some way to end it.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: .

Around the World in New York (film #82 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Public Service]

This film documents some of the various ethnic neighborhoods in New York City, making the claim that you can go "around the world" without ever leaving the city. It is a viable presence considering the huge variety of ethnic groups with a presence in the city, even today. Mostly this film is interesting, though, for the glimpse it gives us of New York's ethnic neighborhoods in the 1940s.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: .

Agricultural Aviation (film #30 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Industrial]

We're talking crop-dusting, folks. Planes and more planes and helicopters, too, spraying chemicals on everything in sight. Like Crow says in the msting of The Truck Farmer, "There's nothing we can't spray!" The mst3k gang would have had a field day with this one, especially when they get to the part about tobacco farming. This is one to take to your next msting party. Just make sure there's no organic food fanatics coming––it would give them a heart attack!

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: **. Weirdness: *. Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: .

Arctic Giant (film #3 on Cartoon Crazys: Sci-Fi (WinStar Home Entertainment, 1999)). [Category: Hollywood]

This is one of the better Superman cartoons. A tyranosaurus rex is found frozen in a block of ice in the Arctic. It is brought to New York City, where it is put on display in a museum. Unfortunately, New York is also the home of bungling Lois Lane, who, as usual, precipitates an accident that causes the dinosaur to get thawed out. Once thawed, it comes alive and starts rampaging the city in a most Godzilla-like way. Fortunately, Superman comes to the rescue. Visually, this cartoon is stunning, with its Art-Deco-inspired design, odd camera angles, and urban machinery that dwarfs the humans. But you want to slap Lois Lane after awhile––there seems to be no bad situation that she can't make worse.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: *. Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: .

Asphyxiated Heart (film #5 in the Indie Section of Movieflix (www.movieflix.com)). [Category: Outtakes & Obscurities]

I thought I was doing this whole film ephemera thing so I wouldn't have to watch stupid romances like this. At least it's only a few minutes long, which gives it an edge over most films of this ilk. But they still could have cut quite a few seconds out of the disgusting kiss scene and had a better film for it.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: **. Weirdness: BOMB. Historical Interest: BOMB. Overall Rating: BOMB.

Alco-Beat (film #3 on The Educational Archives, Volume Three: Driver's Ed DVD (Fantoma, 2002)). [Category: Educational]

A bunch of folks are liquored up, then given a driving test, which they miserably fail, but they don't really care. All to prove that you shouldn't drive if you've had a few. This is a surprisingly wimpy film. The worst consequence of drunk driving is shown to be a few dented fenders, or, horror of horrors, having to take a sobriety test in front of a huge crowd of sneering onlookers. Considering the gore level of other films of the period, this film was probably a welcome relief to its audience.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: .

The Battle of the Sexes (track #32 on Stay Tuned: Television's Unforgettable Moments DVD (Garner Creative Concepts, 2002)). [Category: News]

This documentation of the Billie Jean King/Bobby Riggs "Battle of the Sexes" tennis match is a bit long on commentary and short on footage. Granted, you do need to provide some backstory for those who don't remember, or are too young to remember, this incredible moment in sports hype. But I wish they had included a little bit more of the actual match.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: *. Historical Interest: **. Overall Rating: *.

Adelante Cubanos (film #25 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Military & Propaganda]

Industry! Working to make the world safe for...uh, communism. This 1959 Cuban film looks no different from any American industrial film of the period. It might seem more different to me if I understood Spanish, which I don't. Visually, it all seems to be about industry cranking out more and more consumer goods so consumers can spend, spend, spend. All for the good of communism, of course. A weird twist on "we have met the enemy, and he is us."

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: **.

Alice in Wonderland (film #1 on Alice in Wonderland/Aladdin and the Wonderful Lamp DVD-R (Grapevine Video)). [Category: Early Film & TV]

Somebody went to an awful lot of trouble back in 1915 to create this adaptation of the classic Lewis Carroll children's story. The costumes are wonderful, the acting is good, and the story is followed pretty faithfully. Some key scenes from the book are left out (such as the Mad Tea Party), but it's unclear whether or not footage has been lost (I think it probably has). Other than the possible lost footage, the print is in excellent condition. Overall, this is one of the best film adaptations of Alice I've ever seen, and that's saying something for a film made back in 1915. A 1915 American film.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: *. Overall Rating: **.

Classic Commercials, Vol. 1 (Madacy Entertainment, 1998). [Category: Commercial]

I got this series from the $2.99 bin at Best Buy. This tape has mostly commercials from the 50s and they're practically all kinescopes, which means the video quality is not very good. But on the plus side there's a really fun assortment here with a number of really great ones, plus the tape turns out to be a little over 50 minutes long when it says only 30 minutes on the package. Not a bad deal for $2.99 really, especially if you love dancing cigarettes, as there's a whole slew of 'em at the beginning of the tape. This tape runs heavily in the animation department in general, which is just fine with me, as I love cute animated characters. The commercials seemed to be grouped into categories which could be labeled Cigarettes & Tobacco Products, Household Cleaning Products, Drugs & Personal Hygiene Products, Food, and Beer & Wine, with a motor oil commercial thrown on at the end. All in all, it's a fun assortment from the 50s.

Highlights:

"Here's a man who smokes Marlboro cigarettes. What kind of a man is he?" From the looks of the commercial, he seems to be a crazed loner on the order of Charles Whitman.
Watch a kindly uncle teach a kid to smoke in the Robert Burns cigar commercial!
Watch Manners the Miniature Butler solve one of the most vexing problems of our time: the problem of paper napkins slipping off peoples' laps.
Watch the birth of the psychedelic era in a 50s Band-Aid commercial!
Watch Arthur Godfrey search in vain for a bit of chicken in a bowl of Lipton Chicken Noodle Soup!
Watch some proto-Muppets advertise Wilkins Instant Coffee.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ***. Weirdness: . Historical Interest: *. Overall Rating: **.

Beachcombing Belle (film #5 on Exploitation Mini-Classics, Vol. 2 (Sinister Cinema)). [Category: Sleaze & Outsider]

A pretty female beachcomber does her laundry in a tidepool, stripping down to a skimpy bikini in the process, all so that we can leer at her. And in case we don't get the idea, a smarmy narrator misses no opportunity to make leering comments. This would be highly offensive, except it's so tame by today's standards that all you can do is laugh at how pathetic it is.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: **. Overall Rating: *.

Safety Belt for Susie (film #7 on The Educational Archives, Vol. 3: Driver's Ed DVD (Fantomas, 2001). Also, film #2 on Our Secret Century, Vol. 4: Menace and Jeopardy CD-ROM (Voyager)). [Category: Public Service]

A couple's little girl, Nancy, takes her life-sized doll Susie with her everywhere, except to her week-long visit to Grandma's (she can't take it on the plane). While driving to pick up Nancy at Grandma's, with Susie in the backseat, the couple gets into a bad auto accident. Fortunately, they were both wearing their seatbelts, so they avoid serious injury. But Susie is thrown into the front seat and has her head almost wrenched off her body. Gasp! What if that had been Nancy?, they think. They go to the doctor to treat their minor cuts and scrapes, and the doctor just happens to be a traffic safety expert. He tells them about crash studies at UCLA, and we see a bunch of slow motion scenes of cars with dolls in them crashing into each other. Needless to say, Nancy, and Susie too, wear seatbelts thereafter. The plot of this film is one of the more ludicrous I've seen. But the real meat of the film is the crash footage with the dolls. I suppose they were trying to make it shocking, but it comes off as gleeful and sensuous, which undercuts their message just a bit, I think. It doesn't help that the experimenters taped names to the dolls' foreheads for some odd reason. One of the most memorable of the safety films.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: **. Weirdness: . Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: **.

Brother, Can You Spare a Dime? (VCI Home Video, 1992). [Category: Outtakes & Obscurities]

Another collage of film clips, like The Atomic Cafe, only this one is about the Depression. The story is told through a montage of both newsreel footage of actual events and clips from Hollywood movies of the period. That's appropriate, because Hollywood was at its peak during the Depression, and images from the movies were a part of everyone's consciousness during the period. And despite their idealism and hokiness, the movie clips do reflect the feelings stirred up by the newsreel footage, making an interesting counterpoint. A great historical film.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: ***.

The Eagle Has Landed (film #1 on NASA DVD (Madacy Entertainment, 1999)). [Category: News]

This film features edited highlights of the Apollo 11 mission––the first mission to land a man on the moon. TV footage alternates with official NASA film footage and photographs to tell the story of the mission. The narration is straightforward and minimal, which is good from an ephemera standpoint, as it doesn't interfere with the highly interesting and visually arresting footage. The film is pretty short for its subject matter and I wish more tv footage had been included. Still, it's a pretty good document of what was probably the most important and memorable space mission ever.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: *. Overall Rating: **.

Anchors Aweigh (film #6 on Industrial Incentive Films (Vintage Video)). [Category: Military & Propaganda]

Sing along with the Navy! During World War II, short films of patriotic songs such as this were run in movie theaters, and people really did sing along, they tell me. This film features a stirring rendition of "Anchors Aweigh" over scenes of the Navy hard at work on battleships splashing through the ocean. It's pretty much what you'd expect, though there are a few mildly creepy scenes of sailors in t-shirts and white shorts (which look like underwear) swabbing the decks and undergoing inspection. The film and audio quality wavers a bit in spots, but that just makes it more fun.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: **. Overall Rating: *.

Aquatic Wizards (MST3K Episode #315: Teenage Caveman (short #1)). [Category: Hollywood]

This newsreel featurette about water-skiing is typical of its genre––probably fun to do but boring to watch. It appears that water-skiing was a fairly new sport at the time this was made, which gives this some historical interest. The msting is quite fun, though.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: *. Weirdness: . Historical Interest: **. Msting: . Overall Rating: *.

Alaska: A Modern Frontier (http://www.avgeeks.com/wp2/alaska-a-modern-frontier-revised-1948/").

This 50s geography film about Alaska contains interesting historical footage of what the state looked like back then, as well as some funky topographic maps that look like they were made out of plasticene. Other than that, it's pretty ordinary.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: **. Overall Rating: *.

The Awful Dr. Orlof Trailer (film #162 in the Trailers section of Movieflix (www.movieflix.com)). [Category: Commercial]

Mildly campy trailer for the early 60s horror flick The Awful Dr. Orlof, "filmed in funeral black-and-white!" Other than that silly assertion, and some campy repeats of the word "awful," this is pretty much what you'd expect.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: *.

Ali Baba and the 40 Thieves ["Ali Baba et les Quarantes Voleurs"] (film #11 on The Movies Begin, Volume Three: Experimentation and Discovery (Kino Video, 1994)). [Category: Early Film & TV]

This is quite similar to Aladdin, or the Wonderful Lamp, but shorter and more confusing. It's hand-tinted using the same color palette as the other film and it also shares a similarity of style in the costumes and sets. The highlight is a really striking celestial tableau at the end. Couldn't make heads or tails of the story, though. A 1905 Pathe Freres film.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: .

Classic Car Commercials (Moon River, 1993). [Category: Commercial]

21 car commercials from the 50's and 60's, featuring some of the most memorable cars of that era, including T-Birds, Volkswagen bugs, big ugly Buicks, and the Edsel! Car buffs should enjoy this. Non-car buffs will find it somewhat less interesting, though it does have its moments. Film quality varies somewhat, though it's mostly quite good.

Highlights:

"Gonna take me a press, gonna take me some steel, gonna take my two hands and BUILD an automobile!!!" It doesn't get any more bombastic than this Dodge commercial.
Turned off by bombast? Then maybe you'd like the cute little Renault Dauphine, a real 50's anomaly. Unfortunately, it would be ten more years until cute little cars would be cool, and by that time the Germans had gotten the jump on the French. Too bad––it had such a cute horn!
Conspiracy buffs take note! We all thought Pat Boone and Dinah Shore were so clean-cut, but they were subliminally poisoning our minds with images of big ugly 50's cars! The poor Dauphine didn't have a chance against televised mind control!
Fortunately, the control was broken by the Edsel. Even Bing Crosby couldn't force our minds to accept that this car was "beautiful" and "classic". "It acts the way it looks..." (This looks to be the inaugural Edsel commercial.)

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: *. Weirdness: . Historical Interest: **. Overall Rating: *.

Be Human (film #9 on Cartoon Scandals (Goodtimes, 1987)). [Category: Sleaze & Outsider]

They had to include a Betty Boop cartoon on Cartoon Scandals––she's one of the most well-known cases of a cartoon being censored. Her skimpy clothing and sexual innuendo were considered scandalous during the 1930s, and after the Production Code went into effect, she was toned down considerably. Unfortunately, they picked one of the toned down cartoons. Still, it's not too bad a cartoon as it features Grampy, the king of cartoon gadgetry. Betty's mean farmer neighbor abuses his animals, refusing to stop even after she sings the title song endorsing kindness. So she calls up Grampy and he shows the jerk a thing or two. He hooks the farmer up to a whipping treadmill which powers all kinds of bizarre machines which benefit the animals. This would be a good one to show with Catching Trouble and the Creation excerpt.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: ***.

More Dangerous Than Dynamite (film #4 on Our Secret Century, Vol. 4: Menace and Jeopardy CD-ROM (Voyager)). [Category: Public Service]

This 1930s safety film, sponsored by the California State Fire Marshall, focuses on an unsafe practice that is rare today, but common back in the 30s: home dry cleaning using gasoline or other flammable liquids. We see a young housewife get badly burned in an explosion that happened while she was cleaning clothes with gasoline. We're also shown all the safety features a licensed dry cleaner has installed to prevent fire. It's more than a little obvious that safety was not the complete reason behind this film. Although home dry cleaning is genuinely dangerous, the dry cleaning industry seems to have more than a few fingers in this pie. Watch for the poorly-animated flames in the scene where the housewife gets burned. This film has another great item for the Film Ephemera Museum of Quirky Devices. Like Master Hands, it has its credits cast in bronze––there's even a "The End" plaque. But the plaque I really want is the one that identifies the business we see as a "Reputable Dry Cleaner".

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: **. Weirdness: . Historical Interest: *. Overall Rating: **.

Bloopermania (Goodtimes, 1987). [Category: Outtakes & Obscurities]

Truth to tell, most blooper reels are pretty dull. At first it's kind of fun to watch stars flub their lines and then curse, but it gets old fast. This tape is typical of the genre, but it does have some interesting moments. The highlight for me is an incredibly weird self-parody done by used car salesman extraordinaire Ralph Williams, the inspiration for the Firesign Theatre's Ralph Spoilsport. Other fun moments include a cow "ad-libbing" on the Red Skelton Show, Don Adams and Don Rickles repeatedly cracking each other up, and Ronald Reagan struggling with zippers (on a woman's dress and his own fly).

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: .

Angry Boy.

This is one of the best and most intelligent films about "children's problems" that I've seen. 10-year-old Tommy steals money out of his teacher's purse. The principal, rather than punishing him, believes he is psychologically troubled, so he encourages his mother to take him to a local child guidance clinic for psychotherapy. There he works with a compassionate psychotherapist, while his mother receives counseling from a social worker. It is revealed that Tommy's family is troubled––his mom is a control freak who orders her husband and son around, his dad is overworked and under the thumb of his mom, and if that wasn't bad enough, his maternal grandmother lives in the home and bosses his mom around and gives snide remarks to all (gee I wonder where Mom got her control freak tendencies?). Tommy is a quiet kid who internalizes everything, and he has built up a rage about his family situation that expresses itself in misbehavior at school. Fortunately, mom is highly motivated to improve things in the family, and between her therapeutic progress and Tommy's, things gradually get better. I particularly like the scenes of psychotherapy sessions between Tommy and his therapist. Although staged, they seem quite realistic, and you can understand why Tommy grows to like his therapist eventually. The family scenes also have an air of reality about them. Like Activity Group Therapy, this film gives us a glimpse of 50s mental health practices, though this is a lot easier to buy into than the other film.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: .

The Apartment (film #3 in the Indie Section of Movieflix (www.movieflix.com)). [Category: Outtakes & Obscurities]

This is basically a flashy film version of the old "People Can Lick Too" urban legend, featuring an apartment that is way way too big to be a young woman's "first apartment in the big city" and a really stupid "gotcha" at the beginning featuring a mirror. If you're as familiar with urban legends as I am, you'll see the end of this one coming a mile away.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: *. Weirdness: . Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: **.

Challenger - Disaster and Investigation (film #5 on NASA DVD (Madacy Entertainment, 1999)). [Category: News]

This is the official NASA film that discloses the findings of its investigation of the causes of the explosion of the space shuttle Challenger. It begins with a sequence showing us the astronauts suiting up and entering the crew quarters of the shuttle just prior to launch. The narration is obviously the narration that took place at the time, telling us about the astronauts and their previous histories, career highlights, and personal qualitites. The mood is the typical elation of a space mission, and it's eerie to watch the happy crew members crawl into a round hatchway in which they would face death only minutes later. Then we see footage of the launch and explosion. The only soundtrack during this sequence is a single highly unemotional narrator, probably from Misson Control, describing the launch. The explosion happens suddenly, without warning, and is spectacular, yet the narrator seems not to notice at first––for a few seconds he continues to spout straightforward launch data. Then for several seconds after that, there is dead silence, as we watch the fireball turn into a huge cloud and pieces of debris begin to fall. Finally, the narrator admits that "obviously there has been a major malfunction"––this has to be the Official Understatement of the Century. The rest of the film decribes in very technical terms the analysis of the films of the explosion, the search and retrieval of portions of the shuttle, and the final judgement of what caused the accident (in case you haven't heard, it was faulty O-rings). This is not quite as interesting as the opening sequence, but it is still an important piece of history, as is the entire film. This film is worth the entire cost of the NASA DVD.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: N/A. Weirdness: **. Historical Interest: *+. Overall Rating: ***.

Amos Alonzo Stagg Honored on 95th Birthday (film #1148 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: News]

This very short newsreel clip honors the 95th birthday of Amos Alonzo Stagg, the guy who invented just about everything having to do with football. So now we all know who to blame.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: **. Overall Rating: .

America's Call to Arms (film #1 on Industrial Incentive Films (Vintage Video). Also, film #12 on WWII V for Victory War Bonds & Rallies Show (Something Weird, 1996)). [Category: Military & Propaganda]

Industry! Working to make the world safe for democracy! America gears up for World War II and this film shows all the details with a gung-ho spirit. When all is said and done, it's pretty much what you'd expect. It's fairly interesting from a historical perspective, though.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: **. Overall Rating: *.

Action at Anguar (film #1 in the WWII Section of Movieflix (www.movieflix.com)). [Category: Military & Propaganda]

This film, directed by Frank Capra, documents a Marine invasion on the Pacific Island of Anguar. The story is told from the point of view of the GIs, which makes it far more interesting and human than most films of this type. We get a good idea of what it must have been like to be a GI loaded aboard a crowded ship and going to an unknown location to face who knows what. They show lots of footage of what the GIs did to amuse themselves, including surfing in Hawaii (and wooing the local women), having band concerts, and jitterbugging. They even include scenes of the little-known hazing rituals that happen when a ship crosses the equator. I don't want to know what's in that ladle of liquid being force-fed to some poor sap, that the narrator tells us is "not beer." This is one of the better World War II films––too bad Movieflix only shows us eight minutes of it!

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: .

ADT: When Every Minute Counts (film #27 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Industrial]

A fire chief and a police chief do their level best to convince us that we should all protect our businesses with ADT fire and burglar alarm systems, and they do a pretty good job of it, too, addressing all of our possible objections through the voice of the narrator. Since this is a well-made film, it ends up not as campy as it sounds, though. Police and fire department buffs should enjoy the film, though. Note: The film is sanitized by Modern Science for your protection.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: *. Weirdness: . Historical Interest: **. Overall Rating: *.

The Animal World (Mad Monster Video). [Category: Hollywood]

This is supposed to be a documentary about animal life, but it's made by Irwin Allen, so you have your doubts right there. Actually, I think Allen came upon a bunch of stock nature footage and realized that it contained all the sex and violence any expolitation filmmaker could ask for. And where the footage doesn't supply it, there's always narration––like any good reporter, Allen never lets truth stand in the way of a good story. As a last resort, he tries to supply comedy by giving the action on screen lame sitcom plots. So overall, when it's not lurid, it's silly, and when it's not silly, it's lame. Still, the footage itself is often quite interesting, often featuring some of the odder members of the animal kingdom.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: ***.

Age of Turmoil (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oClBRCJeKAg). [Category: Educational]

This 50s film tries to help parents understand the psychological development of teenagers, by showing the Friday evening activities of six avereage specimens. We watch them go through their evenings and experience very minor problems, while the narrator gives a constant stream of interpretation and information. Some of it seems fairly accurate and some of it is less so. Some comments seem downright unsympathetic and judgemental such as the assertion that teens spend "hours in useless activity" or that one girl's dream to be a ballet dancer is totally unrealistic. Being a 50s film, there is a charming naivete about it. The "problems" these teens have seem miniscule compared with the problems of today's adolescents. Of course, other films of this period let us know that this was probably idealistic even for the 50s.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: *. Weirdness: . Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: .

Aladdin, or the Wonderful Lamp ["Aladin ou la Lamp Merveileusse"] (film #14 on The Movies Begin, Volume Three: Experimentation and Discovery (Kino Video, 1994)). [Category: Early Film & TV]

The traditional tale is told in about 10 minutes, with surprisingly elaborate costumes and sets for the time. The print is hand-tinted in garish colors––it looks like the tinter had tons of red and yellow to spare, only a little bit of watered-down green, and no blue at all. Still, the hand-tinting does increase the other-worldly fantasy quality of the film. The genie appears in several different guises––sometimes an imp, sometimes a half man/half bat, and one time as what must of been the earliest incarnation of the Jolly Green Giant on film. The story is not too difficult to follow for a film of its time, even though the title cards are in French (though it helps if you're already familiar with the folk tale). A 1905 Pathe Freres film.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: .

Anatomy of a Murder Premier Story (film #1149 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Commercial]

This is a promotional newsreel about the premier of the movie Anatomy of a Murder. The premier took place in Detroit because the movie was shot in Michigan's upper penensula. Other than some mild historical interest about Michigan, this is pretty ordinary.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: *. Overall Rating: .

Cartoons Celing Commercials, Vol. 2 (Ed Finn, 1991). [Category: Commercial]

Volume 2 features more animated commercials and more pitches by cartoon stars. This one is not quite as fun as Volume 1––there just aren't as many good moments. Gets 25 extra points for the same stuff I gave points for in Volume 1.

Highlights:

"Apple Jacks will not be sold to bullies!" Oh yeah? I would wonder how many kids took foolish risks and got beaten up because of this commercial, except I heavily doubt any kid bought this.
BUCKY BEAVER WARNING!! Yes! For only an empty Ipana Toothpaste carton, you can get your own Bucky Beaver pin-up! I was just imagining a certain spouse of mine whose room this would look swell in, when unfortunately they announced the offer expired in 1956. So I had to get him a copy of Curse of the Demon instead.
"Beefaroni!! Beefaghetti!!" If you're too young to know what Zorak and Moltar were arguing about, you need this tape.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: *. Historical Interest: **. Overall Rating: *.

A Bare Retreat (film #10 on Blood of Floor Sweepings (LSVideo)). [Category: Sleaze & Outsider]

This 16mm "art film" features two women stranded on a lonely highway who start following signs leading to a nudist colony. The signs direct you to take off your clothes. One women follows directions while the other holds back. Eventually, after the nude woman shows us lots of skin, they find a sign saying that the nudist colony is closed––d'oh!! Really, though, is the plot important in a movie like this? Cleverer than the final joke is the way the camera carefully avoids showing us the nude woman's crotch (though we get plenty of views of her breasts and backside).

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: **. Overall Rating: *.

The Meanest Man in the World (film #11 on TV Turkeys (Rhino, 1987)). [Category: Public Service]

Guilt is used to solicit donations to the United Fund, a precursor to the United Way. A man decides he just can't afford to contribute to the United Fund this year. He then abruptly falls asleep and has a nightmare in which he watches himself committing acts of cruelty such as kicking the crutches out from under a handicapped child, knocking away the glass of milk a little girl in a daycare center is drinking, cutting off the IV of a disaster victim, or hanging a sign on an orphanage that says, "From now on, all kids without parents must stiff for themselves. This place is closed!" (another item for the Film Ephemera Museum of Quirky Devices). The message is, of course, that not contributing to the United Fund is just as cruel as the above acts. One of the most blatant guilt trips I've ever seen, which actually undercuts its effectiveness. I think the United Way agencies do great work and well deserve our contributions, but when I see something like this, it brings out the W. C. Fields in me (he once said, "When I think of all my money, I think of all the little orphans who could use some change, then, on the other hand, I say Fuck 'em!").

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: **. Weirdness: *. Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: ***.

American Frontier.

This film documents the coming of oil drilling to North Dakota and it's effects on the people living there. Farmer Nils Halverson (Warning! This film is full of Norwegian Lutherans!) tells the story of petroleum representatives coming to his wheat farm and offering to buy the mineral rights of his land. The coming of oil is shown to bring hope to hard-bitten farmers like Nils, giving them a steadier, more dependable income to supplement what they make from farming. Of course, this film was sponsored by the Petroleum Institute, so you know this picture is skewed in the rosy direction. Still, there's something very real and touching about this film. It's made more in the style of the classic documentaries of the 30s than in the style of industrial films, thus its inclusion in this category. The people in the film, and their concerns, are very real and convincing. The film gives us a slice-of-life view of rural North Dakota in the 50s, which gives it historical value. All in all, it's not too bad a deal, though. It could be worse.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: .

BBC Video World, Volume 1, Issue 20, December 1989 (BBC, 1989). [Category: Outtakes & Obscurities]

This tape was given to me as a cast-off, but apparently you can subscribe to this sampler of BBC programming. I consider this ephemera because of its "sampler" nature, especially since it contains excerpts from sporting events and episodes of serial programs. It's not really all that interesting now, but it will be in 10 or 20 years or so. Here's what it contains: the first episode of "You Rang, M'Lord?", a kind of sitcom version of "Upstairs, Downstairs" featuring some rather disturbing (but supposedly comic) scenes of sexual harassment; the last episode of "Around the World in 80 Days", a documentary in which Michael Palin retraces Phileas Phogg's journey, but not in a funny way, unfortunately, although we do get to see the U.S. through British eyes; an episode of "Blackadder Goes Forth", a mildly amusing sitcom in which Rowan Atkinson plays an incredibly sarcastic World War I army officer; a cutesie-pie cartoon called "Barney's Christmas Surprise", which fortunately does not feature the purple dinosaur, but unfortunately almost stoops to his level; and very polite excerpts from British showjumping and soccer coverage (why non-Brits would be interested in this is open to question). There's also a hostess who probably got an honorable mention in the Princess Di Lookalike Contest, and, since this is the Christmas issue, some scenes of London Christmas lights, which are very much like the scenes of Christmas lights your local newscast runs on Christmas Eve. I plan to let this sit on the shelf and gather dust until about 2030, when I'll have it dubbed onto HDTV video disc and find it as interesting as America Before TV, that great set of audiocassettes of a radio broadcast day from the 1930s.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: (despite the presence of Michael Palin and the fact that two of the shows are supposed to be comedies). Weirdness: * (but that's probably only because I'm American). Historical Interest: Now: *. In 2030: **. Overall Rating: (but we'll see if that changes with time).

All in the Family: Sammy's Visit (track #5 on Stay Tuned: Television's Most Unforgettable Moments DVD (Garner Creative Concepts, 2002)). [Category: Outtakes & Obscurities]

The end of Sammy Davis, Jr.'s visit to the Bunker household is certainly an unforgettable moment. I won't give it away––it will probably make you laugh out loud if you haven't seen it before. Norman Lear and Sally Struthers provide some mildly interesting background to this clip. Again, the whole episode would have been better, but this moment does deserve some sort of enshrinement.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: *.

The Beatles: Celebration (LasarLight DVD, 1999). [Category: News]

Beatlemaniac Geoffrey Giuliano narrates this documentary portrait of the Fab Four, and very annoyingly, I might add. Though sincerely enthusiastic about his idols, Giuliano can't resist the temptation to be arty and pretentious in his comments. Still, he did gather some interesting obscure footage of the Beatles and that gives the film some value. Most of the footage is interviews of the individual band members both before and after the breakup. There's also tv news footage of such events as the Amsterdam bed-in and Lennon's murder. These clips make the DVD at least somewhat worthwhile. I just wish after awhile that Giuliano would shut up and let the footage speak for itself.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: *. Historical Interest: **. Overall Rating: *.

America Remembers (CNN DVD, 2002). [Category: News]

This DVD documents the 9/11 terrorist attacks in a complete and moving way. Included is CNN's first newsbreak about the attacks, video footage of the first plane hitting the Trade Center (somebody in the vicinity just happened to be shooting video and pointed the camera at the towers when the plane hit), the sickening live footage of the second plane hitting the Trade Center, and the almost unbelivable scenes of the towers collapsing. Also included are footage of CNN's coverage of the Pentagon strike, the crash in Pennsylvania, the rescue mission, the President's convuluted journey back to the White House, the evacuation of the Capitol, the heartbreaking search of the victims' families for their missing loved ones, the fruitless search for Osama Bin Laden, the fall of the Taliban and the anthrax scare. This is not easy stuff to watch, especially since the tragedy is recent enough to be a raw wound for most of us. Hardest to watch for me was footage of people jumping out of the towers (and the reaction to witnesses on the ground to this), the second plane ripping through the corner of the south tower, the towers collapsing, and the hordes of New Yorkers looking for lost family members. Some of the narration and editing are a bit sensational and flag-waving, but this is mostly in the less relevant side stuff––the images of the main tragedy speak for themselves. News footage of a major event like this is what defines the News category. The historical interest of this can only increase over time. Interestingly enough, the section on the anthrax scare contains a clip from an old army movie (looks 50s or 60s) about biological weapons. It's odd to see old "classic" ephemera superimposed on up-to-the-minute ephemera.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: N/A. Weirdness: . Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: ***.

American Cities' Atomic Fallout Strategy (film #3 on Atomic Scare Films, Vol. 1 (Something Weird, 1996)). [Category: Military & Propaganda]

If nuclear war comes, how will we protect ourselves from fallout spreading over the entire countryside, contaminating everything it comes in contact with? This film tries to answer that question. Mainly, it seems to involve ticking teletypes, big maps, and lots and lots of yellow radiation detectors with Civil Defense logos on them (I want one for the Film Ephemera Museum of Quirky Devices). This film is pretty dry, but it does have quite a bit of historical value, as it documents in detail Civil Defense strategies on local, state, and national levels.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: ***. Overall Rating: *.

About Fallout (1963) (film #17 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Military & Propaganda]

This is the expanded version of the 1955 About Fallout, though to be honest, it looks like both films were made at about the same time. They contain identical scenes to each other and the clothing and hairstyles in both films are obviously from the early 60s. Anyway, this film contains more information than the previous version and it's a little bit less dry as well. It still paints an overly rosy view of a post-apocalyptic future, though. Yes, I know it was meant for those who live far away from any nuclear targets, but still it treats fallout as a completely isolated danger, ignoring the massive economic and social problems that are likely to ensue if all major cities get nuked. One eerie moment in the film is when the narrator talks about what we will need in a post-apocalyptic future, and we see a lone figure drive up on a motorcycle––that's just too remeniscent of Mad Max to go by without comment in my household! Overall, though, the film is still pretty dull.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: **. Overall Rating: *.

Achievement USA (film #19 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Industrial]

Woohoo!! General Motors just made its 50 MILLIONTH CAR!! I mean, isn't that EXCITING??? GM sure thinks so. It makes a golden Chevrolet, trucks in a lot of bigwigs on a golden train for a really big shew, and hosts a parade for the citizens of Flint, Michigan, and everybody else as well, since they made a film of it. The speech by the old corporate guy is boring, but the parade is loads of fun, featuring tacky floats by the dozens, some hideously-mutated human sparkplugs, and a brief sighting of the thoroughly evil Sludgy (Bucky Beaver Warning!!). My husband asked, "I wonder how the Trojan company celebrated their 50 millionth condom?", but that is a thoroughly tasteless comment, and the reader can be assured that I would never stoop to the likes of that in my reviews.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: **. Weirdness: . Historical Interest: *. Overall Rating: **.

Ali Baba (film #20 on The Cartoons That Time Forgot: The Ub Iwerks Collection, Vol. 1 DVD (Image Entertainment, 1999)). [Category: Hollywood]

In which Willie Whopper and his dad defeat the Forty Thieves of Ali Baba. This one isn't nearly weird enough, though it does contain what must have been the precursor to the "one-little-two-little-three-little-Indians" gag.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: *. Overall Rating: .

Activity Group Therapy (film #21 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Educational]

This film, made for mental health professionals in the 40s, provides a fascinating glimpse into the child psychotherapy practices of the time. A group of psychologically-troubled grade-school age boys is treated with "activity group therapy," which mainly involves letting them loose in a playroom and allowing them to do whatever they want. The film was made with hidden cameras, so what we are seeing are real therapy sessions, not reenactments. The therapist intervenes as little as possible, even when the boys commit such acts as swinging saws at each other, breaking into and ransacking cupboards containing materials for other groups, and starting a fire on a hot plate, and the narrator keeps reiterating that this is how he is supposed to be handling these situations. These scenes make you wonder about the judgement, if not the sanity, of the treatment team. Still, by the end of the film, the group has settled down and you do begin to notice significant improvement in the behavior of individual boys, especially the ones that were initially withdrawn and anxious. Of course, the narrator tells us that the group is carefully "balanced" in terms of individual personalities, and that the therapist keeps a watchful eye on things and is prepared to intervene if things get seriously dangerous. And it's obvious that these boys, though psychologically troubled, are not seriously violent delinquents. Still, it is doubtful that such a permissive form of therapy would fly in today's mental health system. And though I can see and acknowledge its effectiveness in this case, I still am not totally convinced that it's a good idea. Another interesting and dated aspect of the film is the repeated concerns that some boys are "effeminate." Effeminancy seems to be defined in this film as being quiet, bookish, and concerned with personal appearance. I will acknowledge that this free-for-all form of therapy seems to be effective in diminishing those qualities in the boys. Overall, this film is a fascinating document of one aspect of mental health treatment in the 1940s. It's films like this that epitomize the concept of "historical interest"––where else but ephemera can you observe such unusual glimpses of the past as this?

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: N/A. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: *+. Overall Rating: ***.

All Monsters Attack! (All Day Entertainment DVD, 2002). [Category: Commercial]

If you like monsters, then this is your DVD. It's an excellent 2-hour compillation of monster movie trailers, most from the 50s and 60s. Most of the trailers are in excellent condition, and you can either watch 'em all at once, or pick and choose using a menu. The DVD also contains several Hollywood shorts (reviewed elsewhere) as extras. The DVD format is great for this kind of collection––I hope we see more of these in the future.

Highlights:

Some favorite ad lines: "Look at these scenes––RIGHT OUT of the picture!", "Stop All Traffic! Clear All Roads! Sound All Alarms!", "A Mere Girl Commands a Hideous Monster!", "Your Mind Won't Believe What Your Eyes Tell You!", "It's Alive! It's Loose!", "Dynamic Violence! Savage Action!","This Could Be Your Terror!", "Deity or Devil?", "So Gigantic in Scope It Dwarfs Every Marvel the Screen Has Shown Before!", "Massive Armies vs. Mad Monsters!", "Voodoo Witchcraft Mated to Atomic Energy!", "Fear Will Pierce Your Flesh!", "Shattering Action! Monstrous Thrills!"
Gimmick Alert! Godzilla vs. the Thing is in Eye-Jolting Color and Terrorscope! The 30 Foot Bride of Candy Rock is in Wonderama and Matterscope! The Seventh Voyage of Sinbad is in Dynamation in one trailer and Dynarama in another! The Three Worlds of Gulliver is in Super Dynamation!
Ignatz and Rumsford Alert! Look for our reptillian friends in the trailers for Robot Monster and The Cyclops.
Msties, take note! Contains the trailers for Konga, Robot Monster, It Conquered the World, Attack of the Giant Leeches, The Giant Gila Monster, The Killer Shrews, Beginning of the End, Earth vs. the Spider, The Amazing Colossal Man, War of the Colossal Beast, and Village of the Giants.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: **. Weirdness: . Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: .

Aladdin and the Wonderful Lamp (film #2 on Alice in Wonderland/Aladdin and the Wonderful Lamp DVD-R (Grapevine Video)). [Category: Early Film & TV]

The familiar tale is told with children in all the major parts. It's silent and competently done, so it's not nearly as creepy as The Buckskin Kid, and thus not nearly as interesting. Still, it is a little bit weird. A 1917 Fox film.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: *.

Cartoons Celing Commercials, Vol. 1 (Ed Finn, 1991). [Category: Commercial]

This collection features commercials using animation, particularly commercials which have well-known cartoon characters as pitchmen. Most are from the 50's and 60's, with a few from the early 70's. This collection should bring back lots of Saturday morning memories, as there are lots of kid-oriented commercials. Generally, the commercials which have their own original characters are more interesting than the ones featuring cartoon stars––for some reason, pitching tends to bring out the blandness in established characters (especially true of the Warner Bros. characters). Still, collectors of Disney and Warner Bros. stuff will probably want this series. Gets 10 extra points for including a complete, descriptive list of the commercials on the package, including characters, years, and lengths. Gets another 10 extra points for including a bunch of weird, miscellaneous stuff at the end of the tape. Gets another 5 extra points for having the feel of a tape put together by some guy who loves cartoons and commercials, rather than some big, profit-making company.

Highlights:

The Flintstones pitching Winston cigarettes––this is not the "funniest commercial ever made", like the tape asserts, but it's still fairly jaw-dropping.
Superman, Tennessee Tuxedo, and a naked kid in a flying bathtub sing the Soaky Bubble Bath jingle. No comment.
The C7 Bears and a couple of fairly obnoxious kids try to sell us C7 Lettuce. This is obviously targeted at kids, but is that really the right market segment for lettuce?
"Hold it, ma'am!! It tastes better with Fritos! Get Fritos!" Get a fly swatter!
Bill Baird's singing rabbits are so ugly they're cute. I want one.
Woody Woodpecker demonstrates proper supermarket behavior to children.
Do you remember Wallace the Waffle Whiffer, the repetitive thief of Professor Goody's Aunt Jemima Waffles? I bet not. But once you hear his annoying "Waffle, Waffle, Waffle", it will all come rushing back to you.
BUCKY BEAVER WARNING!! (See The Best of Classic Commercials for info on Bucky Beaver.) This tape has 3-count 'em-3 Bucky Beavers: Bucky Beaver: White Knight, Bucky Beaver: Engineer, and Bucky Beaver: Circus Star, making it an essential addition to our household. "Brush-a, brush-a, brush-a..."
Kool-Aid-a-Go-Go! Just what do Bugs Bunny, Kool-Aid, little kids, and go- go dancing have in common? Ah, the sixties...

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: *. Weirdness: . Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: **.

Atomic Blonde in Action (extra on Atomic War Bride/This Is Not a Test DVD (Something Weird, 2002). [Category: Sleaze & Outsider]

Portays how the combination of nuclear radiation and platinum blond hair causes clothing to be removed. OK, I admit it looks more like she takes off her own clothes. But I can't just say this is a stripper film––that wouldn't be very "atomic," would it? At least I didn't make any lame-ass comparisons between her breasts and nuclear warheads.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: *.

Gang Boy (film #5 on Our Secret Century, Vol. 5: Teenage Transgression CD-ROM (Voyager)). [Category: Public Service]

This 50s film is surprisingly sympathetic in its portrayal of a Chicano gang leader and the events leading up to the formation of the gang. The gang leader, Danny, narrates his story of him and his friends growing up in poverty and neglect, gradually turning into a gang in order to strike back at a harsh world. They have constant run-ins with a white gang and eventually things threaten to erupt in a major gang war. Police and social workers try to organize a truce, and Danny, after much soul-searching, agrees to go along, hoping to ultimately make things better for the younger children in the neighborhood. The film ends happily, with both sides agreeing to a truce, and ultimately forming clubs which do community service work. Like Age 13, you don't totally buy this film's happy ending, but it's not quite as pat as the other film's. The film is also an interesting historical record of west-coast 50s gang life.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: N/A. Weirdness: . Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: **.

The Adventures of Junior Raindrop (film #28 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Public Service]

This animated Forest Service film blows the lid off of the problem of juvenile delinquency among raindrops. Junior Raindrop forms a raindrop gang that wreaks havoc on the landscape, and all because of improper watershed management. This film's metaphor is so ridiculous and its animation so childlishly primitive that it's a real hoot to watch and very mstable. Wait'll you see Junior wearing a gangster's outfit and wielding a blackjack––you'll never look at rain the same again.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: **. Weirdness: . Historical Interest: *. Overall Rating: ****.

Alice Underground (film #3 in the Film Festival section of Movieflix (www.movieflix.com)). [Category: Outtakes & Obscurities]

The story of Alice in Wonderland is updated and given a Manhattan setting. Alice is a beautiful young woman from a wealthy family who's had a very sheltered upbringing. One night she goes out to party in Manhattan, drinks a "funny" drink, and runs into a bunch of bizarre characters out of Lewis Carroll. Frankly, you don't need to drink any funny drinks to run into such characters in Manhattan. This is an interesting concept, but the filmmakers are trying so hard to be clever and obscure that it comes off as rather boring in exectution. Give me the original Alice any day.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: *. Weirdness: ** (Note to filmmakers: See The Buckskin Kid to find out what real weirdness is.) Historical Interest: ** (should increase with time). Overall Rating: $$.

BBC Film Night (extra on Monty Python and the Holy Grail DVD (Columbia Tri-Star, 2001)). [Category: Outtakes & Obscurities]

This is a location report made for BBC television during the filming of Monty Python and the Holy Grail. As you would expect, the Pythons are not serious for one minute and the interviewers really get into the spirit of things. How much you learn about the process of making Holy Grail is questionable, but there are laughs aplenty, especially when Terry Gilliam giggles like a schoolboy over his inexperience as a director, then turns around and says "Ingmar Bergman will be jealous." A fun bit of history from the vaults of Python.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: **. Weirdness: . Historical Interest: *. Overall Rating: **.

Amateur Skating Champs (film #1147 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: News]

Roller skating champs, that is. This brief newsreel clip shows the highlights of a roller skating contest, complete with beauty queen, child star, and romantic couples on wheels. Gives a brief glimpse of the roller skating craze of the 50s.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: **. Overall Rating: *.

All Together (film #12 on The Educational Archives, Volume Four: On the Job DVD (Fantoma, 2002)). [Category: Military & Propaganda]

Soul bruthah Lou Rawls narrates this early 70s naval recruitment film, so you know it's cool. Targeted at young black men and women, Rawls makes the Navy sound like free education, a good-paying job with perks aplenty and equal treatment with whites (women are promised equal pay and treatment with men), world travel to beaches full of babes and hunks, and civilian employers lining up to hire you when you're discharged. Not mentioned is the Navy's not-too-distant history of assigning African-Americans to the kitchen, or the three-letter word beginning with "w". I guess those topics aren't cool enough. The afro hairstyles in this film are a sight to behold, and you feel sorry for what the Navy is bound to do with them.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: *. Weirdness: . Historical Interest: **. Soul Quotient: *. Overall Rating: **.

Adventure in Home Decor (film #2 on Lifestyles USA, Vol. 2 (Something Weird, 2000)). [Category: Industrial]

A cheery 50s housewife has an acid trip (you can tell by the colored lights) and ends up in Formicaland, where a grey-suited "interior decorator" encourages her to cover all of her home's interior surfaces in laminated plastic. This film is incredibly campy. Highlights include the bathrooms, all of which are missing the bathroom's most important accessory, an unbelievable "futuristic" bathroom done in red and white stripes (I want one in my house, except I want a toilet in mine), the opening bit where we see the housewife trying on a series of ugly hats, and the children's room, where the kids are allowed to draw on the walls, since they're made of Formica. I don't think it's possible to be more 50s, more populuxe, or more campy than this film.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ***. Weirdness: . Historical Interest: *. Overall Rating: ***.

About Fallout (1955) (film #16 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Military & Propaganda]

The effects of nuclear fallout and how you can protect yourself from it are explained in a rather dry fashion. This was made when they still thought a nuclear war was survivable, despite the scary map with red streaks that eventually fill the whole continent. A mildly fun segment features a housewife washing and preparing food in a fallout shelter. Where she manages to find fresh tomatoes during a nuclear holocaust is not explained. The rest of the film is pretty dull.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: **. Overall Rating: *.

Aladdin and the Wonderful Lamp (film #23 on The Cartoons That Time Forgot: The Ub Iwerks Collection, Vol. 1 DVD (Image Entertainment, 1999)). [Category: Hollywood]

Uh, I think they took a few liberties with the traditional story here. I began to think that just about the time the Sultan accidentally swallows Aladdin's lamp and you get to see an x-ray view of it in his stomach. And what's the deal with the plumber guy who looks like Barney Google, and what's that bizarre contraption he's wielding a blowtorch on?

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: ****.

Act Your Age (film #20 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Educational]

High school student Jim gets frustrated doing a math problem and expresses his feelings by carving his initials into his desk. The teacher sends him to the principal's office and the principal, after confiscating Jim's prized mechanical pencil, starts spouting off about teens in general and their "infantile reactions" to things. After even the school janitor complains about teens "acting like babies," Jim decides to take action on the problem by making a "How Old Am I?" chart and having his parents and friends rate him on his maturity in various areas. This earns his pencil back and totally solves the problem of immature behavior at his school. This is probably the quintessential Coronet film. It epitomizes Coronet's tendency to reduce complex psychological problems into simple, easy-to-follow rules that would make everything just ducky if kids would just follow them to the letter. Jim's solution to the complex problem of immature and out-of-proportion emotional reactions is so simplistic it's laughable, yet the film is so earnest and innocent, you almost get convinced, until you return to the real world anyway. Particularly innocent is the principal's final question in the film: "Wouldn't you like to rate yourself on a chart like this?" What answer do you think most teens would give?

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: .

According to Plan: The Story of Modern Sidewalls for the Homes of America (film #18 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Industrial]

This 50s film tells prospective homeowners how happy they will be if they put asbestos cement siding on their homes. It tells you way more than you want to know about this fairly dull building material. Mildly campy moments include the opening scene featuring a 50s couple putting together a model home in an oh-so-happy way, and the colors available, which are as follows: moss green (i.e. grey), brown, grey, and ivory (i.e. brown). There are lots of scenes of 50s suburbia when it was still new, including scenes of Levittown being built, which gives the film some historical interest. But just how interesting can you make shingles anyway? This film desperately needs a supernatural visitor or two to liven things up.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: *. Weirdness: . Historical Interest: **. Overall Rating: *.

Airy Fairy Lillian Tries on Her New Corsets (film #35 on The Movies Begin, Volume One: The Great Train Robbery and Other Primary Works (Kino Video, 1994). Also, film #35 on The Art of Cinema Begins (Video Yesteryear, 1997)). [Category: Early Film & TV]

Airy Fairy Lillian must weigh at least 300 airy fairy pounds. "Stupid ol' corset!" she probably yells as she flings the garment to the floor after a failed attempt to get into it. She must call upon her male corset attendant to help her out. I assume all of this must have been big yux to turn-of-the-century audiences. The really scary part, though, is Lillian's airy fairy see-through skirt. This one gets 5 extra points for having one of the best titles of all these early films. A 1905 Biograph Mutoscope film. The version on The Movies Begin is in much better shape than the one on The Art of Cinema Begins.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: **. Weirdness: . Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: *.

Breakfast Pals (film #8 on Ephemeral Films CD-ROM (Voyager). Also, film #143 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Commercial]

Did you know that Snap, Crackle and Pop used to have adversaries named Soggy, Mushy and Toughy? They battle to the death in this short 1930s cartoon advertising Kellogg's Rice Krispies. It's interesting how much the Snap, Crackle and Pop characters have evolved visually since the 30s––they look all alike but their hats here.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: *. Historical Interest: **. Overall Rating: *.

Assassin of Youth (film #1 on disc #1 of Schlock Hysteria, section #10 of Total Movie & Entertainment free DVD set). [Category: Sleaze & Outsider]

This is one of the campiest of the pseudoeducational exploitation films of the 30s. An investigative reporter infiltrates a group of small-town teenagers to get the scoop on teen marijuana use. He gets in the middle of a plot to swindle "good girl" Joan out of her inheritance by making it look like she's gone bad. The film has everything you look for in this kind of film: cheesy production values; a total ignorance about the effects of and the culture surrounding marijuana use ("I want one of those cigarettes that pep you up!" "Oh, you mean reefers?"); a film-within-a-film about the evils of the drug (The Marijuana Menace); lots of jazzy party scenes; a shadowy undressing scene which, of course, is essential to the plot; and lots of scenery chewing. It also has more character actors than you can shake a stick at, including a Margaret Hamilton wanna-be who rides around town on a bizarre scooter shouting gossip everywhere, a cranky curmudgeon of a town druggist, and a judge who is only slightly more reputable than W. C. Fields. About two-thirds of the way through the film, these character actors practically take over the film, turning the courtroom scene into something out of the Marx Brothers. Which is pretty weird in a film that was supposed to be a serious expose of the drug problem. But it certainly adds to the entertainment value of this film. If you're looking for a great, campy "party film," this is it. Just watch out for investigative reporters and old ladies on scooters before handing out any cigarettes that pep you up.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: .

Boy in Court (film #6 on Our Secret Century, Vol. 5: Teenage Transgression CD-ROM (Voyager). Also, film #138 on Prelinger Archive. Also, track #3 on Teenage Confidential (Rhino, 1987)). [Category: Public Service]

This optimistic 1940s film tries to convince us that enlightened, compassionate juvenile court systems can be more effective in reforming young offenders than punitive courts. 15-year-old gang member Johnny participates in a gang car theft, but is the only one caught. A kindly judges sentences him to probation, assigning to his case a compassionate probation officer who sets about getting social services for Johnny's poverty-stricken family, getting Johnny to go to church, and interesting the boy in aviation. By the end of the film, Johnny is a thoroughly clean-cut upright young man, who admits to the judge that stealing a car is "pretty dumb". Although it has some valid points, this film is incredibly simplistic in its portrayal of the causes and solutions to juvenile delinquency. It leaves you both wondering if any court system was that compassionate (Johnny's probation officer appears to have no other cases in his load), and if such treatment would really be very effective against hardened youth-gang members. Naive, and therefore fairly campy.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: **. Weirdness: . Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: .

Al Tudi Tuhak - Long, Long Ago (film #2 in the Film Festival section of Movieflix (www.movieflix.com)). [Category: Outtakes & Obscurities]

This short animated film tells a Native American creation myth from what looks to be the Eskimo people. God is shown as a giant Eskimo woodcarver who creates the earth and all life on it through whittling––the shavings are transformed into all forms of animal and plant life, as well as the sun and the moon. The story also involves a lonely duck and a whale who ends up in an unexpected place. The artwork is done in a Native American style and the narration is done in the form of traditional storytelling. The total effect is charming and true to the spirit of the traditional story. The duck and the whale, in particular, will make you smile.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: .

Beatlemania! (extra on The Beatles: Celebration DVD (LasarLight, 1999)). [Category: News]

This newsreel clip documents the Beatles' return to London after their successful storming of America in 1964. They are absolutely mobbed at the airport by screaming fans. I don't care what you say––no other entertainers have created this much "mania" in their fans. This was made near the end of the newsreel era, like Universal Pictures Newsreel. The Beatles were a symbol of the huge changes that would happen in the 60s, so it's kind of odd to see them documented by such an old-fashioned technology.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: *. Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: .

Activision (easter egg on Boxing on the Playstation 2 Game Activision Anthology (Activision, 2002)). [Category: Commercial]

OK, folks, I know that the vast majority of you are not so rabid fans of ephemera that you would dig up this one, unless you also happen to be a fan of vintage video games. Not only does it require you to have a Playstation 2 and the game, but you have to get a certain score in Boxing to unlock this film. But it just so happens that my husband is a video game fanatic, and he got the requisite score. So I'm going to take advantage of it, even though I feel like I'm at a carnival and he just won a large stuffed bunny for me at the shooting gallery. This film announces the brand-new 1982 Activision video games for your Atari game system and lets you meet some of the game designers. Remember Atari, folks? That ultra-primitive game system that was just a step above Pong, but was nevertheless the cool thing to have back in 1982? I know it's unfair and way too easy to laugh at old technology, but seriously, it's hard not to get the giggles when watching those Activision executives and game designers be so excited about those blocky, primitive games. While they rave on about Activision's "state-of-the-art graphics", you get to see a designer actually draw a game character by filling in squares on a piece of graph paper. Add to that the fact that everybody looks so 70s, and you've got a film that's a real hoot to watch. They throw in several of Activision's tv commercials during the film as well, and they're fun to watch too.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: *. Overall Rating: **.

All Star Bond Rally (film #7 on WWII V for Victory War Bonds & Rallies Show (Something Weird, 1996)). Category: Military & Propraganda

A bunch of Hollywood stars, including Bob Hope, Bing Crosby, Frank Sinatra, and Betty Grable do their level best to get us all to buy War Bonds and to entertain us, to boot. The most charming segment involves a bunch of pinups coming to life and making GIs do double-takes. A fun slice of WWII-era pop culture.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: *. Overall Rating: .

Across the Border (film #6 on Blood of Floor Sweepings (LSVideo)). [Category: Industrial]

A bunch of Goodyear employees go to Canada for no other reason, it seems, than to be tourists––and we get to see their home movies! This silent film from 1934 must have had some other purpose than what I've just said, but I can't figure it out. You do get to see some historically interesting footage of old-fashioned farming methods, when the excursioneers (they're always referred to in the title cards with cute names like that) tour the countryside.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: *. Overall Rating: **.

About Faces (film #15 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Public Service]

This film, made by the Public Heath Service, laments the sad state of the nation's teeth and exhorts all audience members to see their dentists immediately. It was made on the eve of World War II, probably as a response to the large amounts of 4-Fs that were being given due to bad teeth. It's in the Public Service, rather than the Military and Propaganda category, because it was made before Pearl Harbor and it's geared to the general public. This film is a lot of fun and very mstable. Priceless moments include the narrator ordering everybody in the audience to run his or her tongue over his or her teeth (and we get to see a movie audience actually doing this), and a poor toothless sap getting spurned by a pretty woman ("He doesn't even make it to first base," laments the narrator). Lots more fun than going to the dentist.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: **. Weirdness: *. Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: .

Aladdin and the Magic Lamp (film #7 on George Pal Puppetoons (Loonic Video)). [Category: Hollywood]

The Aladdin story is told quite tersely in this short cartoon. Wooden puppets give it a bizarre, thrift-store-like quality.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: *.

The ABCs of Babysitting (film #5 on Campy Classroom Classics, Vol. 2 (Something Weird, 2000)). [Category: Educational]

Sid Davis sternly gives out a long list of safety rules for babysitters. This isn't as lurid as the usual Sid Davis film, but the rules are so long and detailed that a subtle element of fear and danger is injected underneath everything. You get the feeling that Davis actually disapproves of babysitting, but is afraid to say so outright, so instead he makes so many rules that he hopes kids will be discouraged from it and decide to pick some other way to make money, like, say drug dealing or corn detassling.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: .

Ali Lights the Centennial Torch (track #35 on Stay Tuned: Television's Unforgettable Moments DVD (Garner Creative Concepts, 2002)). [Category: News]

This clip of a shaking, Parkinsonian Muhammad Ali lighting the torch for the 1996 Olympic Games, though short, is actually quite touching. Interview footage with the tv producer responsible for the suprise event sets up the clip well. This is truly a television "moment" which needs little comment, making it one of the better tracks on the Stay Tuned DVD.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: N/A. Weirdness: . Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: **.

Aeroplane Flight and Wreck (film #33 on The Movies Begin, Volume One: The Great Train Robbery and Other Primary Works (Kino Video, 1994). Also, film #33 on The Art of Cinema Begins (Video Yesteryear, 1997) (titled "Airplane Flight and Wreck")). [Category: Early Film & TV]

Can you guess the plot of this one? Hint: This inventor is not one of the Wright Brothers. The airplane is a huge complicated contraption that doesn't even seem to be balanced on the ground. It gets about three inches off the ground before the title wreck happens on the far right of the screen, almost off of it. There's a surprising amount of damage to the plane considering the very short distance it fell. Ah, the folly of man! When will he ever learn that if God had meant us to fly, he would have given us wings? A 1910 Biograph Mutoscope film. The version on The Movies Begin has better film quality and a better soundtrack than on The Art of Cinema Begins.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: *. Historical Interest: **. Overall Rating: .

A Is for Atom (film #13 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Military & Propaganda]

This one should have been called Our Friend, the Atom. Think of a movie with that title and you'll come pretty close to this 50s animated film about atomic energy. It does a pretty good job of explaining the basics of nuclear physics (or an oversimplification of the basics), but its visual metaphors are simultaneously bizarre and very representative of 50s culture. Example: Stable elements live respectable lives in 50s houses, while radioactive elements spend all night partying, hopping from bar to bar, until their energy burns out and they become one of the stable masses. Atomic energy is always presented with gee-whiz awe, as the latest scientific marvel of the 20th century, and even though atomic weapons and atomic explosions are portrayed, it's not even hinted at for a moment that there could possibly be any downside to this wonderful discovery ("miraculous" is a word that is used frequently). The visuals tell the story, however. Atomic Energy as a construct is portrayed as a ghostlike giant man who looks sort of like a robot version of Mr. Clean, only huge. And there's lots of them, looming over factories, farms, hospitals, power plants, and other places atomic energy is used. The cumulative effect is that of an atomic Big Brother watching over us all. This is a powerful metaphor for the frightening presence of nuclear weapons and their mass destructive power, but it's completely unconsious, which makes it far more disturbing to my mind. This makes the film a classic of the atomic scare film genre.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: **. Weirdness: . Historical Interest: *. Overall Rating: ***.

The Best of Classic Commercials (Moon River, 1993). [Category: Commercial]

This is one of my favorite collections of TV commercials. There's 31 commercials here, most from the 50's, a few from the 60's, all in glorious black-and-white. Almost all of them are fun to watch, and there's a few that are really great. The film and video quality is quite good.

Highlights:

Mike Wallace pitches Fluffo Shortening and interviews the Indiana State Baking Champion. You keep expecting him to uncover Bake-Offgate. He hasn't yet, but I'll keep you posted on this.
"I want my Maypo!"
BUCKY BEAVER WARNING!! My husband thinks Bucky Beaver is the Antichrist. You be the judge after viewing "Bucky Beaver: Space Guard".
A very white ad for Vel Dish Soap. Ever wonder what brought about the second wave of feminism? "Does that mean I never have to help with the dishes?" Dream on, buddy.
The last commercial on this tape features a very white newlywed couple. See how long it takes you to guess what the product is.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: **. Weirdness: *. Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: .

All This and Rabbit Stew (film #6 on Cartoon Scandals (Goodtimes, 1987)). [Category: Sleaze and Outsider]

Bugs is chased by a black version of Elmer Fudd, with a lot of the same gags. You can see why they don't show this one on tv––the hunter is a fat-lipped Steppin Fetchit clone. Bugs finally defeats him by getting him into a dice game and winning his gun and all his clothes off of him. Pretty appalling, but also pretty funny, as most Bugs chase toons are. Watch for the "racy" ending––Bugs pulls off the hunter's fig leaf at the blackout!

As the Twig Is Bent.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ***. Weirdness: ****. Historical Interest: *****. Overall Rating: ***.

Bandaid Commercial (film #2 in the Comercial Section of Movieflix (www.movieflix.com)). [Category: Commercial]

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ****. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ****.

Back to Nature (extra on The Beast That Killed Women/The Monster of Camp Sunshine DVD (Something Weird, 2001)). [Category: Sleaze & Outsider]

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ***. Weirdness: ****. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ***.

Arteries of New York City (film #83 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Public Service]

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: *. Weirdness: *. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: **.

Amie en Matiere Plastique (film #3 in the Indie Section of Movieflix). [Category: Outtakes & Obscurities]

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: **. Weirdness: **. Historical Interest: *. Overall Rating: **.

Berkeley, California Fire

Berkeley, California Fire.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: N/A. Weirdness: **. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ***.

All Out for Victory (film #43 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Military & Propaganda]

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: **. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: *****. Overall Rating: ****.

Air Transportation (film #31 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Industrial]

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: **. Weirdness: *. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: **.

The Asylum of the Insane (extra on Monsters Crash the Pajama Party Spook Show Spectacular DVD (Something Weird, 2001)). [Category: Hollywood]

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ****. Weirdness: *****. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ****.

Alcohol and the Human Body (film #40 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Educational]

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ***. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: ***. Overall Rating: ***.

Along the Great Divide: Great Britain 1900-1912 (film #1 on The Silent Revolution: What Do Those Old Films Mean?, Vol. 1 (Facets, 1999)). [Category: Early Film & TV]

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: **. Weirdness: ****. Historical Interest: *****. Overall Rating: ****.

Classic Commercials, Vol. 3 (Madacy Entertainment, 1998). [Category: Commercial]

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ****. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: *****. Overall Rating: ****.

Beautyrest Mattresses commercial (film #6 on TV Turkeys (Rhino, 1987)). [Category: Sleaze & Outsider]

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: *****. Weirdness: *****. Historical Interest: *****. Overall Rating: *****.

Valley Town (film #3 on Our Secret Century, Vol. 2: Capitalist Realism CD-ROM (Voyager). Also, film #1000 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Public Service]

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: N/A. Weirdness: ****. Historical Interest: *****. Overall Rating: *****.

Captain Celluloid vs. the Film Pirates (Sinister Cinema, 1999). [Category: Outtakes & Obscurities]

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ***. Weirdness: ****. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ****.

Feed (First Run Features, 1992). [Category: News]

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ****. Weirdness: *****. Historical Interest: *****. Overall Rating: *****.

And a Voice Shall Be Heard! (film #4 on Atomic Scare Films, Vol. 2 (Something Weird, 2000)). [Category: Military & Propaganda]

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ****. Weirdness: ****. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ****.

Ban Roll-On (film #1 in the Commercial section of Movieflix (www.movieflix.com)). [Category: Commercial]

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ****. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: *****. Overall Rating: *****.

Artist's Paradise (extra on Night of the Bloody Apes/Feast of Flesh DVD (Something Weird, 2002)). [Category: Sleaze & Outsider]

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ***. Weirdness: ****. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ***.

Around the World in New York (film #82 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Public Service]

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: *. Weirdness: **. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ***.

Agricultural Aviation (film #30 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Industrial]

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ****. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ****.

Arctic Giant (film #3 on Cartoon Crazys: Sci-Fi (WinStar Home Entertainment, 1999)). [Category: Hollywood]

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: **. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ****.

Asphyxiated Heart (film #5 in the Indie Section of Movieflix (www.movieflix.com)). [Category: Outtakes & Obscurities]

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: **. Weirdness: BOMB. Historical Interest: BOMB. Overall Rating: BOMB.

Alco-Beat (film #3 on The Educational Archives, Volume Three: Driver's Ed DVD (Fantoma, 2002)). [Category: Educational]

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ***. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: ***. Overall Rating: ***.

The Battle of the Sexes (track #32 on Stay Tuned: Television's Unforgettable Moments DVD (Garner Creative Concepts, 2002)). [Category: News]

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: **. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ***.

Adelante Cubanos (film #25 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Military & Propaganda]

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ***. Weirdness: ****. Historical Interest: *****. Overall Rating: ****.

Alice in Wonderland (film #1 on Alice in Wonderland/Aladdin and the Wonderful Lamp DVD-R (Grapevine Video)). [Category: Early Film & TV]

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: **. Weirdness: ****. Historical Interest: *****. Overall Rating: ****.

Classic Commercials, Vol. 1 (Madacy Entertainment, 1998). [Category: Commercial]

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: *****. Weirdness: ****. Historical Interest: *****. Overall Rating: ****.

Beachcombing Belle (film #5 on Exploitation Mini-Classics, Vol. 2 (Sinister Cinema)). [Category: Sleaze & Outsider]

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ***. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ***.

Safety Belt for Susie (film #7 on The Educational Archives, Vol. 3: Driver's Ed DVD (Fantomas, 2001). Also, film #2 on Our Secret Century, Vol. 4: Menace and Jeopardy CD-ROM (Voyager)). [Category: Public Service]

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ****. Weirdness: *****. Historical Interest: *****. Overall Rating: ****.

Brother, Can You Spare a Dime? (VCI Home Video, 1992). [Category: Outtakes & Obscurities]

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ***. Weirdness: ****. Historical Interest: *****. Overall Rating: *****.

The Eagle Has Landed (film #1 on NASA DVD (Madacy Entertainment, 1999)). [Category: News]

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: *. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: *****. Overall Rating: ****.

Anchors Aweigh (film #6 on Industrial Incentive Films (Vintage Video)). [Category: Military & Propaganda]

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ***. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ***.

Aquatic Wizards (MST3K Episode #315: Teenage Caveman (short #1)). [Category: Hollywood]

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ***. Weirdness: **. Historical Interest: ****. Msting: ****. Overall Rating: ***.

Alaska: A Modern Frontier (http://www.avgeeks.com/wp2/alaska-a-modern-frontier-revised-1948/").

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: **. Weirdness: **. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ***.

The Awful Dr. Orlof Trailer (film #162 in the Trailers section of Movieflix (www.movieflix.com)). [Category: Commercial]

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ***. Weirdness: **. Historical Interest: ***. Overall Rating: ***.

Ali Baba and the 40 Thieves ["Ali Baba et les Quarantes Voleurs"] (film #11 on The Movies Begin, Volume Three: Experimentation and Discovery (Kino Video, 1994)). [Category: Early Film & TV]

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: **. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: ***. Overall Rating: **.

Classic Car Commercials (Moon River, 1993). [Category: Commercial]

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Be Human (film #9 on Cartoon Scandals (Goodtimes, 1987)). [Category: Sleaze & Outsider]

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