Living Better Cinematically

Dancing on the Moon (film #8 on Cartoon Crazys: Sci-Fi (WinStar Home Entertainment, 1999)). [Category: Hollywood]

This Dave Fleischer cartoon is beautifully animated and has an interesting premise: animal honeymoon couples are taken on a rocketship to the moon so they can dance and spoon. Unfortunately, a cat couple is late and the tomcat just barely makes it through the door, while his tabby bride gets left behind. He has a lonely, miserable time on the moon playing solitaire and making cat's cradles while the other couples neck (the giraffes taking this concept to new, uh, heights). The real attraction of this cartoon is its pseudo-3D animation, combining flat characters with modeled backgrounds. The scenes in outer space are particularly stunning. This deserves to be thrown in as the cartoon at any film festival with the subject of voyages to the moon.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: *. Weirdness: . Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: **.

Billie the Buffalo Baby (in the Ephemeral section of Open Video Project. Also, film #219 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Educational]

This confusing film has some campy moments. It starts with scenes of Billie, a newborn buffalo calf. The narrator tries hard to get the kids in the audience to bond with Billie, his mother Polly, and his best friend April (I don’t know about you, but “April” just seems like the wrong name for a buffalo). Then it suddenly switches gears and tries to scare the kids by telling them how dangerous buffaloes are, showing a horse with a bloody injury from being gored by a buffalo, and sternly stating, “Buffalos are not tame and should not be kept as pets!” with the intent, I guess, of discouraging the kiddies from bringing into the house any stray buffalos that follow them home from school. Then it switches gears again, and we get to see an Indian explaining in sign language the role of the buffalo in Indian culture (you know, that generic, non-tribal Indian culture that sells so well in souvenir shops). Then it ends very abruptly. I won’t give away the name of the veterinarian who treats the horse that got gored, except to say that it probably gave the boys in the elementary school audiences this was aimed at a good snicker (adults like you and I, of course, are too mature for such lowbrow humor).

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: .

Caught in a Cabaret (film #1 on The Chaplin Collection DVD (Madacy Entertainment, 2002) ("Charlot, Garcon de Theatre"). Also, film #3 on Charlie Chaplin Festival (Diamond Entertainment, 1991). Also, film #29 in the Silent section of Movieflix.) [Category: Early Film & TV]

The Little Tramp is a waiter in a cheap tavern, lorded over by a loud dictatorial boss. On his few brief breaks from work, Charlie passes himself off as the Greek Ambassador in order to court a pretty heiress. Unfortunately, the heiress discovers the truth when she and her rich friends go slumming and happen to stumble upon Charlie's workplace. This is not one of Chaplin's better efforts. There's lots of slapstick, but not a lot of laughs. And this kind of plot we've seen many times before. I do want a copy of his "Greek Ambassador" calling card for the Film Ephemera Museum, though. A 1914 Keystone film.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: *. Overall Rating: .

Alexander’s Ragtime Band (film #3 on Sabucat Movie Trailers). [Category: Commercial]

Trailer for a bouncy 40s musical of the type they don’t make anymore. This is pretty ordinary, but it has some nostalgia value.

Ratings: Camp/ Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: **. Overall Rating: *.

Progress Island (MST3K Episode #621: The Beast of Yucca Flats (short #2)). [Category: Commercial]

This is probably the worst short they've ever done, both in terms of the film itself and their msting of it. The film is a promotional travelogue for Puerto Rico made in the early 70s. They're trying really hard here to get more tourism and industrial development in their country while at the same time showing how completely modern and successful it already is. These two goals constantly undercut each other, creating a slightly bizarre tension. But mostly the film is rather dull, like most travelogues. The msting seems to be mostly on the level of the "...is not present!" joke over and over.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: *. Msting: . Overall Rating: .

Sex Psycho Trailers (extra on The Psycho Lover/Heat of Madness DVD (Something Weird, 2003)). [Category: Sleaze & Outsider]

A collection of trailers from 70s exploitation movies about psycho madmen who like to rape and kill women. Being one myself (a woman, not a psycho madman, you dingbat), this is not my cup of tea. I will say that the last trailer, for Scream Bloody Murder, is mildly campy, featuring as it does the term “Gore-nography” and a gimmick blindfold that was given out free to audience members. Also, seeing Haley Mills here is a tragic testament to the fate of child stars in this culture.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: .

Christmas Island (film #1 in the 0800064 JTF-8 Presents Operation Dominic section of DOE Nevada). [Category: Military & Propaganda]

The narrator tells us a little bit about the history of Christmas Island, then says that nothing else in its history has given it as much notability as being blown up by an atomic bomb. Appalling and mercifully short.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: .

Plan for Pleasant Living (film #3 on The 1950s Time Capsule (Video Resources, 1994)). [Category:Industrial]

Why, hello! So nice of you to drop by the Good Housekeeping Model Home! A smiling perfect 50s housewife gives us a tour of a perfect 50s suburban home for a perfect 50s family, complete with twin beds in the master bedroom, sparkling new kitchen appliances, garishly colored wallpaper and upholstery, and telephones in every room, including the bathroom, the little boys' bedroom, and the patio (you don't suppose the Bell System had a hand in making this film, do you?). Campy elements include the hostess' super-bright white teeth; the first person perspective of the film, complete with complimentary comments you're supposed to be thinking ("Why how lovely!", "That's certainly practical!", etc.); and a deliveryman who's confused by the disembodied voice of the hostess coming through an intercom system (and the strong implication that the great thing about the intercom is that nice middle class housewives like our hostess won't have to deal with working class people like the deliveryman face-to-face). Everything is so darn "nice" and "lovely" that after awhile you just want to scream. A great slice of 50s suburbia at its campiest.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: **. Weirdness: . Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: .

Accidents Don’t Just Happen (film #33 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Public Service]

After operating unsuccessfully on an accident victim, a sleep-deprived doctor relaxes in the tiny, ill-equipped doctor’s lounge and settles down to read a government pamphlet on accident prevention. The pamphlet does a good job of putting him to sleep, but he ends up having a weird animated dream about accident prevention, in which he helps a limited-animation family become “accident free” by having the wife lose weight (this is considered to be a major cause of this family’s accidents, for some reason––she ends up with a 50s hourglass figure and blonde hair, to boot) and getting the husband a pair of glasses. The dream ends by insisting that more money be spent on research into accidents, so that they can be “conquered” like polio was, and insisting that the doctor get seat belts in his car. Before it can get to the dangers of sleep-deprivation, though, the doctor is awakened for another round of surgery on accident victims. This is mildly weird, with plenty of the 50s “cute” style animation, though it somehow seems foreboding here. At least this is one safety film that doesn’t attribute accidents to “carelessness.”

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: .

Big Man on Campus (film #215 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Educational]

High school student Jerry Warner sits in front of the principal's office, his life flashing before his eyes. Mostly it's a life filled with such horrible crimes as throwing milk cartons, riding a bicycle with no hands, and spray-painting a teacher's lab coat. Jerry narrates his life story, and either puberty is still several years in the future for him, or they got a 4th-grader to dub in his voice. Jerry gets suspended for his pranks and this causes him to turn over a new leaf in the direction of conformity to adult expectations. He'd better, or I'm sure Sid Davis has gruesome consequences in mind for him.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: **. Weirdness: *. Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: .

Carmaux: Drawing Out the Coke (film #19 on The Movies Begin, Volume One: The Great Train Robbery and Other Primary Works (Kino Video, 1994). Also, film #19 on The Art of Cinema Begins (Video Yesteryear, 1997)). [Category: Early Film & TV]

Coke, a coal-mining product, is drawn out of a stone oven in a long block and cooled with water. Where else but in film ephemera can you witness turn-of-the-century coal-mining practices? An 1896 Lumiere film.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: .

Next Week Promos (Hollywood's Attic, 1996). [Category: Commercial]

Next week on Living Better Cinematically: A tape full of closing segments from 50s and 60s tv shows telling us all about next week's show. Some of them will include commercials. Some will give away most of the plot of the show. Many of them will be from cartoons. And you'll have fun playing "Spot the Star in an Early Performance". You'll see all this and more on "Next Week Promos", next time on Living Better Cinematically. This segment of Living Better Cinematically was brought to you by Glib Soap, the Slime Scraper.
Highlights:

Next week's episode of "The New Casper Cartoon Show" features very limited animation.
The makers of Philip Morris ask us, "Do you inhale?"
Rod Serling's "Twilight Zone" promos are the best ones on the tape, and he just uses narration!
O.K., I've found it––the dorkiest commercial ever made! Check out the 5th Avenue Candy Bar commercial featuring the dancing teenagers at the very end of the tape. Worth the wait, wasn't it?

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: * (gets an extra star for the 5th Avenue commercial). Weirdness: * Historical Interest: ***. Overall Rating: *.

Are We There Yet? (film #22 in the Comedy section of Brickfilms. Also, film #5 in the Music Video section of Brickfilms). [Category: Outtakes & Obscurities]

The Lego family goes on vacation, and before they get too far, the kids ask the inevitable question. Unfortunately, they fail to take into account that Dad is an amateur Zen master, at least until Mom gets into it. This is an amusing Brickfilm with an unusual concept. It’s also very well made, with beautiful sets that make you want to shout, “Hey kids! Look at the scenery!” And with Glenn Miller’s “String of Pearls” on the soundtrack, how can you go wrong?

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: **. Weirdness: *. Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: ***.

BBC Breakfast News: Gulf War Special (film #2 in the News section of TVArk). [Category: News]

Opening credits for a special news report from the BBC on the Gulf War of the 90s. This already seems like it was a lot classier, and a lot less biased, than the news coverage here, and it wasn’t even their country or their war. A nice little bit of recent history.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: .

Adolf Hitler (Side B of Disc #3 of WWII: The Ultimate Collection (Brentwood Home Video, 2004)). [Category: Military & Propaganda]

This 1948 documentary about Hitler starts with quite a bit of footage from a British propaganda film about the Nazi dictator, so it’s almost like two films in one. Actually, the British footage is a great deal of fun. It has two narrators and it skips through Hitler’s life at a breakneck pace, reminding you of the documentary parodies the Pythons loved to do. It then continues in a more straightforward fashion, documenting Hitler’s life and exploits, with particular emphasis on his relationship with Eva Braun. This is an excellent example of a propaganda film, even though it was made when the war was already over. Every effort is made to make you see Hitler as the ultimate in evil, not that he made it all that difficult. The British section features a number of propaganda illustrations of Nazi leaders, including a set of playing cards that have outrageous characters of Nazis as the face cards––I bet they would go for a lot on eBay. All in all, this is a fascinating piece of propaganda with great historical value.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ** (mainly for the British section, the atrocities, of course, rate an N/A). Weirdness: . Historical Interest: *. Overall Rating: ***.

Agriculture USA (film #51 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Industrial]

Industry! Building a better––no, wait! Agriculture! Building a better tomorrow! This USDA film tries desperately to make agriculture seem as exciting as the industrial World of Tomorrow. Technology is touted as The Answer to better farming, right down to sharing pastures with missile silos, educating people in India about The Atom on the Farm, and spraying everything in sight. It’s as bombastic as most industrial films and that makes it very mstable. It also has some wonderful factory footage of various forms of food processing. It kind of drags after awhile, though, and you just want to say, “I get it already!! Farming is good!!”

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: **. Weirdness: *. Historical Interest: **. Overall Rating: *.

The Chow Hound (film #17 on The Complete Uncensored Private SNAFU DVD (Image Entertainment, 1999)). [Category: Military & Propaganda]

A patriotic bull leaves his newlywed cow behind and joins the Army to provide food for Private Snafu. The processed meat of the bull is sent over hill and dale, with great difficulty, until it finally reaches Snafu's unit's camp. There Snafu vastly overloads his plate, eats until full, and then throws a huge amount of leftovers away. The ghost of the bull is so enraged by this that he butts Snafu halfway around the world! This is one of the shorter Snafus and it makes its point simply and well.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: **. Overall Rating: *.

American Pioneer (film #122 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Educational]

This is a fairly straightforward social studies film about American pioneers making their first forays into the west, crossing the Appalachian mountains into what would later be Kentucky. The reenactments shown on screen seem pretty authentic for the most part, and the acting is good, though you don’t get to hear anyone speak since the film is narrated. The attitude of the film towards Indians, though, will make you wince––they are constantly portrayed at ruthless killers. Mostly, though, this is pretty ordinary.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: *. Overall Rating: .

Out of This World (MST3K Episode #618: High School Big Shot. Also, film #1078 on Prelinger Archive). [Catgory: Industrial]

This film would have us believe that both heaven and hell are extremely interested in the fortunes of bread truck drivers. A driver with a poor sales record recently repented and changed his evil ways, so the Devil of Bread Sales makes a bet with the Angel of Bread Sales that he will go back to his old habits if a pretty woman makes fun of him. So the angel poses as a magazine writer and goes with the bread man on his route, where she is taunted by the devil in various guises (cab driver, cop, etc.). She makes a token effort to make light of the bread man's sales efforts, only to have him come back with the full-blown Gospel of Bread, to her delight and to the devil's chagrin. The whole concept of this film is really weird, and thus it is really fun to watch. Or, if you don't believe me, then heed the words of the Giant Mutant Tom Servo: "MOVIE BAD!!" Don't forget to watch the special bonus host segment on specialty breads!

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ***. Weirdness: . Historical Interest: . Msting: . Overall Rating: ***.

Amos ‘n’ Andy #2 (film #4 in the Amos ‘n’ Andy section of TVParty). [Category: Early Film & TV]

Closing credits of the controversial 50s tv show, featuring the theme music made famous by the radio show. This has a real feel of a radio show transposed to tv, making it a good example of early television programming.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: *.

The African Queen (film #2 on SabuCat Movie Trailers). [Category: Commercial]

I never dreamed a mere physical experience could be so stimulating! Sorry, I just gave away the best line in this trailer for the classic John Huston film. It’s a good record of the film, beautifully preserved. And it ends with a fun bit of theater ephemera announcing Humphrey Bogart’s Oscar.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: **. Overall Rating: *.

Daddy (film #1303 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Hollywood]

This soundie features the original material girl, Lazy Daisy Mae, singing to her sugar daddy about how expensive her tastes are. Actually, she seems way too nice for this song, as does the nerdy combo that accompanies her.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: *. Historical Interest: **. Overall Rating: .

Sex Madness (film #131 on Feature Films). [Category: Sleaze & Outsider]

This is more of a soap opera than an exploitation film. Small-town girl Millie wins a beauty contest and gets to go to New York City, leaving her fiancé Wendell behind at home. After the contest is over, she has stars in her eyes and tries to Make It Big. Unfortunately, she quickly lands on the street with no job, no money, and no prospects, so she falls for the pitch of a “theatrical agent,” lands on the casting couch, and ends up with syphilis. Now she can’t go home and marry Wendell, so she must drown her sorrows in her job as a chorus girl in a burlesque show. Fortunately, a kindly doctor puts her in the hospital and gives her effective treatments for the disease. Eventually, she is well enough to go home, but under strict orders to continue the treatments with a doctor at home and not marry Wendell until she is completely cured. She follows doctor’s orders, going to a neighboring town for the treatments and keeping her condition a secret from her family and Wendell. But when Wendell pressures her to get married, she falls for the pitch of a quack doctor who promises to cure her in 30 days. She marries Wendell, and they have a baby, but soon the baby gets desperately ill, and Wendell discovers he doesn’t see too good anymore. What’s a poor girl to do? There is plenty of tear-jerking and scenery-chewing in this film, as well as uniformly bad acting, bottom-of-the-barrel production values, lots of preaching about the evils of “social diseases,” a silly “ironic” subplot involving the son of the local anti-sex crusader coming down with syphilis (d’oh!!), and a couple of creepy moments where lesbianism and child molestation are hinted at in leering ways. Mostly, though, this is a real weeper, lacking the energy of Reefer Madness or the goofiness of Assassin of Youth, but making up for it in preachiness.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ***. Weirdness: . Historical Interest: *. Overall Rating: **.

The Big Deal (film #4 on Christian Youth Scare Films, Vol. 5 (Something Weird, 2000)). [Category: Educational]

10-year-old wheeler-dealer Pete swindles his best friend out of his birthday watch and then talks him into getting the goods on another kid who is going to cheat in a contest they are all going to enter. Pete's mentor is his Uncle Fred, a deli owner who engages in shady shenanigans like putting rabbit meat in his "chicken salad." But then Pete has a heart-to-heart talk with his dad, who sets him straight about this whole honesty business. This 30-second conversation that vaguely mentions the Bible causes Pete to have a complete change of heart. He gives back his buddy's watch and abandons his bright idea for "fighting fire with fire" in the contest. Wow, I didn't know parenting was so easy. This is actually an appealing little film. The child actors are unschooled and amateurish, but that makes them seem more real. And the complex moral issues raised are more than I would expect from this kind of film. Of course, the super-easy resolution takes all that realism and throws it out the window, but that's ephemera for you.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: **. Weirdness: . Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: .

Captain Midnight (film #10 on Atomic TV (Video Resources, 1994)). [Category: Early Film & TV]

This episode of the early 50s kiddie adventure show has Captain Midnight trying to save a kidnapped scientist from a bunker that's about to be hit by an atomic bomb. They don't make it out of there in time, but fortunately for them, the scientist's cold-generating machine creates "absolute zero, which counteracts the absolute heat of the bomb", so that it only generates enough force to blow the door off its hinges, allowing them to escape to safety. Yeah, right. Msties will want to watch for Sid "Monkey Boy" Melton as the Captain's dorky assistant. Comes complete with Ovaltine commercial.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: **. Overall Rating: *.

Going Places (film #603 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Public Service]

This 50s film, amazingly enough, promotes better public transportation rather than better roads, more parking, and cars, cars, and more cars. It’s a valid message––too bad nobody listened to it. This is a great film to contrast with The Dynamic American City, or Freedom of the American Road. It’s also a good film to see lots of big ugly 50s cars, as well as buses, trolleys, and streetcars.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: **. Overall Rating: *.

Monsters on the March (Video Images, 1987). [Category: Commercial]

Short collection of 14 trailers from classic horror and 50's science fiction movies. The few interesting trailers (The Return of the Fly, The Thing, etc.) also appear in other better collections. Fairly dull as a whole, though it does get 5 extra points for listing the trailers in order on the package.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: **. Overall Rating: *.

Chosin Reservoir (film #6 in the Korean War section of WPA Film Library). [Category: Military & Propaganda]

British newsreel clip of soldiers trapped in the Chosin Reservoir area under severe winter weather conditions during the Korean War. An interesting document of a little-known event in the history of that conflict.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: N/A. Weirdness: *. Historical Interest: **. Overall Rating: *.

Opportunity USA (film #7 on Lifestyles USA, Vol. 2 (Something Weird, 2000)). [Category: Industrial]

This film starts by telling us that everything good in this country is the result of capital investments. Apparently, they're not aware that everything good in this country is actually a result of the railroads. Then they turn the film over to an investment banker and it gets boring, boring, boring, as he attempts to explain such things as stocks, bonds, and underwriting to the masses. Yawn! At least Mainline USA has trains!

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: **. Weirdness: . Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: .

Cupid Always Gets His Man (track #7 on Cartoon Crazys: Sci-Fi (WinStar Home Entertainment, 1999)). [Category: Hollywood]

The Cupids (there seems to be a whole nation of them) wage all-out war on W. C. Fields, trying to make him fall in love with his homely neighbor, and vice-versa. It's not easy, but since the Cupids are portrayed as mini-Mounties, they finally get their man. The ending is unbelievable, culminating with the stork blessing W. C. Fields and his bride with quintuplets (now that's a scary thought)! Not quite as bizarre as it sounds, but still pretty bizarre.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: *. Weirdness: . Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: **.

Bicycle Today, Automobile Tomorrow (film #211 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Educational]

This Sid Davis film manages to take all the fun out of bike riding by giving out rules, rules, and more rules. Especially tedious are all the rules of bike maintenance shown, none of which I ever followed as a kid, except for stopping by the gas station to fill my tires at the air pump, which was fun. There aren't even any bad examples or gruesome accidents, so Sid Davis must have been sleeping through this one. It might bring back some bike-riding memories if you were a kid during the 60s, though.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: **. Overall Rating: *.

California State Fair Highlights (in the Ephemeral section of Open Video Project. Also, film #1158 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Early Film & TV]

This 1913 film shows us scenes of the California State Fair. Mostly it involves parades and races along a very muddy track. The highlight of the film is a 90 mph crash of two trains. It's fairly spectacular footage, but the point of all of it is not given. Still, I guess it tells you how folks in 1913 amused themselves. The print of this is in very nice condition. A 1913 Vistamount film.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: *. Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: .

Monsters Crash the Pajama Party Extras (on Monsters Crash the Pajama Party (Sinister Cinema)). [Category: Commerical]

Since Monsters Crash the Pajama Party is such a short film, Sinister Cinema threw some extra goodies on the tape. Before the film are three trailers from exploitation movies which may have been shown in the same theaters as Monsters. After the film is the trailer for Monsters and three live spook show promos, which are always great. These extras are a lot of fun and round out the tape well.

Highlights:

Great Moment in Bad Acting: Watch Timothy Farrell (always a sign of high quality cinema!) deliver the line, "You'll never get away with this!" in the trailer for Gun Girls.
Gimmick Alert! The trailer for Monsters informs us that it was filmed in "Fantastic HorrorVision"! This refers to the gimmick scene in the film where the mad scientist sends his assistants out into the audience to get a new victim for his experiments. During showings of the movie, ushers dressed as monsters actually went out into the audience and grabbed girls out of their seats. Eventually, the assistants reappear with a girl supposedly grabbed from the audience. To see how this actually came off, see the review of Monsters under "Hollywood" (still to come to this blog).
Great claims from the spook show promos: "See Dracula Change Into a Vampire Bat and Fly Out Into the Audience!" "Don't Be a Sissy! Come Even If Your Heart Is Weak!" "See the Girl Without a Middle and the Weird and Unusual Burning of a She-Devil!" "Can You TAKE IT?? Can You STAND IT??" "It's the Most Weird, Shocking, Amazing, Fascinating, Petrifying Horror Show Ever Produced on ANY Stage!"

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: *. Weirdness: . Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: .

Chime Bells (film #1330 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Military & Propaganda]

Just how do you say goodbye to your sweetie in the navy before he goes off to fight World War II? Answer: Why, with yodeling, of course! This film is what it is––no comment I could make would be sufficient or desired. Though I don’t know what she sees in that sailor––he can’t yodel worth a darn. And what’s with the ominous music behind the card that says “The End”?

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ***. Weirdness: . Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: ***.

Once Upon a Honeymoon (MST3K Episode #701: Night of the Blood Beast. Also in the Ephemeral section of Open Video Project. Also, film #4 on Our Secret Century, Vol. 1: The Rainbow Is Yours CD-ROM (Voyager). Also, film # 1049 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Inudstrial]

Songwriter Jeff hasn't been able to take his wife Mary on a honeymoon in over a year because of his workaholic boss, but now he finally has the chance. They're all packed and just getting ready to leave when, of course, the boss calls and tells Jeff that Sonya, the prima-donna backer of the musical Jeff just scored, wants a new tune to "The Wishing Song" right away. It looks like the honeymoon is over, but the day is saved by Jeff and Mary's incredibly swishy guardian angel, Wilbur, who arrives on the scene dressed in a powder blue monk's robe and Elton John-style white glasses, sprinkling glitter everywhere. But the film is not really even about honeymoons or wishing or angels or songwriting––it's about colored telephones. If that description elicits a "huh?" from you, the film itself will elicit an even bigger "huh?" It's truly amazing how many of these films have supernatural characters appear in order to help the main characters with their problems, and how weird those supernatural characters usually are. Great fun with good msting.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ***. Weirdness: . Historical Interest: . Msting: . Overall Rating: ***.

The Cuckoo Murder Case (film #11 on The Cartoons That Time Forgot: The Ub Iwerks Collection, Vol. 2 DVD (Image Entertainment, 1999). Also, film #1 on The Cartoons That Time Forgot, Volume 3: Things That Go Bump in the Night (Kino Video, 1993)). [Category: Hollywood]

In an old haunted house, a cuckoo in a cuckoo clock is mysteriously murdered, and it's up to detective Flip the Frog to solve the case. OK, I admit it, I love it when inanimate objects come to life in these cartoons, and in this one they do it in a big way, making it a favorite of mine. That's all, really, but that's enough.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: **. Weirdness: . Historical Interest: *. Overall Rating: ****.

Better Use of Leisure Time (in the Ephemeral section of Open Video Project. Also, film #209 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Educational]

In this campy Coronet film, Ken spends all his leisure time in his room moping about his friends all being busy, until he develops a hobby––visual and auditory hallucinations! The voice in his head tells him he's wasting his time, though, and his visual hallucinations all involve his parents 50 or 100 years ago working their butts off and expecting Ken to do so as well. Ken finally decides to trade his psychosis in for a more conventional hobby like photography (though photography of what he doesn't tell us). This film's ludicrous set-up makes it loads of fun and a good subject for msting. It also can be part of the wholesome hobby of film ephemera collecting.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: *. Weirdness: . Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: .

Calamitous Elopement (film #4 on The Origins of Cinema, Volume 4: The Arrival of D. W. Griffith (Video Yesteryear, 1995)). [Category: Early Film & TV]

A couple's elopement provides a golden opportunity for a dorky guy to steal stuff from them. He even comes along on their honeymoon by hiding in a steamer trunk and at the first opportunity steals everything that isn't nailed down. Elopements were a trendy topic in early films and they usually come out pretty silly. This film is no exception. A 1908 D. W. Griffith film.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: ***.

The Andy Griffith Show (film #1 in the Mayberry RIP section of TVParty). [Category: Outtakes & Obscurities]

An earlier version of the “Andy Griffith Show” theme, in black-and-white, and featuring a Sanka coffee promo at the end. The presence of the ad make this more of a blast from the past than the other version of the theme.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: **. Overall Rating: *.

The Autogyro (film #5 in the 100 Years in the Air section of WPA Film Library). [Category: News]

Silent newsreel footage from the 20s of an autogyro, which is sort of a cross between a helicopter and an airplane––it has the big rotors on the top, but it has to take off and land like an airplane. We get to see it take off and land a few times, as well as some of the parties responsible for it. This has a bit of historical interest in that it was an unusual contraption, but that’s all.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: *. Historical Interest: **. Overall Rating: *.

Century of Progress Exposition: Wings of a Century (in the Ephemeral section of Open Video Project. Also, film #281 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Industrial]

Silent footage of the 1933 Century of Progress Exposition in Chicago. This would have been better if it had had sound, but it does give you an idea of what it was like to attend a world’s fair back in their heyday. My favorite is the Sinclair display with the creaky mechanical dinosaurs.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: **. Overall Rating: *.

Monster Mania (Goodtimes, 1991). [Category: Commercial]

One of the better collections of trailers from science fiction, horror and fantasy films. There's quite a wide selection here, including lots of 50's sci-fi, some classic horror, and several selections from both Ray Harryhausen and Val Lewton. This is a well-put-together, fun tape which gets 10 extra points for throwing in some drive-in ephemera as well.

Highlights:

The Return of the Fly will really "BUG" you!!
Gimmick Alert! A great piece of movie theater ephemera announces that free 2 for 1 passes will be given out to anyone who watches the advertised horror show in its entirety and leaves the theater unassisted. And the show is in "Hypnoscope"! "We dare you to live through this!"
Blast from the Cold War: "Do you know what a radioactive isotope is?" "No, but if it can be loaded, I can fire it!" (from the trailer of The Beast from 20,000 Fathoms).
Ray Harryhausen fans will want to check out a short film about the "Dynamation" process used in The Seventh Voyage of Sinbad. Find out how the amazing skeleton swordfight sequence was done.
The trailer from Invaders from Mars asserts that the biggest menace of the invading Martians is that they are pitting themselves against "mankind's dream to conquer the universe!" Remember, our imperialist goals are good.
This tape gets 10 extra points for including my all-time favorite snack bar promo: the "Lets All Go to the Lobby" jingle featuring the animated singing snacks! Go ahead and sing along...you remember how it goes.
And it gets another 5 points for capping it all off with a really strange "horrorific" snack bar promo advertising pizza, another one of my all-time favorites.
Msties, take note: contains the trailers of Revenge of the Creature, The Black Scorpion, and This Island Earth.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: **. Weirdness: . Historical Interest: *. Overall Rating: ****.

Amos ‘n’ Andy #1 (film #1 in the Amos ‘n’ Andy section of TVParty). [Category: Early Film & TV]

Short clip from the earliest version of the “Amos ‘n’ Andy” television show, featuring the Kingfish faking illness. This actually reminds me of some of the black sitcoms of the 70s, which perhaps says something about either them or “Amos ‘n’ Andy,” I can’t quite tell which.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: **. Overall Rating: *.

Afternoons (film #26 in the 1967 section of TVParty). [Category: Commercial]

Cute animated promo for the afternoon line-up on NBC in 1967, featuring a housewife who says, “I think I’m in love with my tv!” It also features the 60s NBC peacock theme, which brought a bunch of childhood tv-watching memories back to me.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: *. Weirdness: . Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: **.

Sanders of the River (film #26 in the Black Culture section of Movieflix). [Category: Sleaze & Outsider]

This British film is essentially a celebration of imperialism. Sanders is a British civil servant in Nigeria who keeps peace among warring tribes by ruling with an iron fist. Paul Robeson plays a chief who gains power by sucking up to Sanders at every turn, while spending his spare time singing songs that owe more to American popular music than to African tribal music. Granted, Sanders is portrayed as a just leader who stops slave trading and war mongering, but the film seems to imply that this is because he is white and British. The natives are referred to many times as “black children” of the British overlords and they are portrayed as thoroughly unable to govern themselves. The politics of the film makes you want to throw up, but it does have many authentic scenes of African tribal dances and rituals, which gives it some historical interest. It’s incredibly slow-moving, though.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: *. Historical Interest: **. Overall Rating: *.

Chicken Little (film #28 on Disc 1 of Walt Disney on the Front Lines (Disney, 2004)). [Category: Military & Propaganda]

This wartime Disney toon tells the story of how Foxy Loxy used gossip and misinformation to fool all the poultry in the chicken yard into coming over for dinner (as the main course, of course). This has one of the darkest endings I’ve ever seen in a Disney toon, and that explains why they inserted an introduction to it by Leonard Maltin explaining how it was meant to be a wartime propaganda piece. This is an excellent example of such wartime propaganda incorporating itself into the mass media, giving this toon a great deal of historical value.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: .

Danger Is Your Companion (film #4 on Oops! (A/V Geeks)). [Category: Public Service]

This 40s film, made by the Red Cross, urges everybody to go out and get first aid training. It’s hyperbolic style makes it fairly campy and quite mstable. Campiest is a scene of a totally clueless guy who stumbles on a car accident and totally doesn’t know what to do––his facial expressions are priceless. It’s also interesting from a historical perspective as a document of first aid practices during the 40s.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: **. Weirdness: *. Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: .

An’ D (film #7 in the Action section of Brickfilms. Also, film #2 in the Fantasy section of Brickfilms. Also, film #7 in the Sci-Fi section of Brickfilms). [Category: Outtakes & Obscurities]

A Lego game of Dungeons & Dragons goes horribly wrong when a parallel universe pops up. This brickfilm has one of the better plots I’ve seen, and some of the sets and special effects are quite nice. The animation is rather primitive, but considering the fact that these films are amateur efforts, I’m pretty forgiving about that. Overall, this is well-directed and fun.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: *. Weirdness: . Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: **.

The Nation at Your Fingertips (in the Ephemeral section of Open Video Project. Also, film #3 on Our Secret Century, Vol. 6: The Uncharted Landscape CD-ROM (Voyager). Also, film #965 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Industrial]

This early 1950s film introduced the country to the concept of direct long-distance dialing, by showing how residents of Englewood, New Jersey, the city where the first experimental direct dial program was installed, were able to call across the country without an operator. Like many Bell System films, it's very conscious of the telephone's history and how it changed with the times––we get to see a Victorian couple shouting into an old wall-mounted phone, scurrying young male operators (the first ones were male), and an early female operator wearing a bizarre huge early headset. What's really interesting about this film, though, is the glimpse into the past we get from seeing a currently commonplace technology when it was first being introduced. Bell's automated switching system as described sounds very computer-like, and the description of how it searches for an open pathway to route the call through sounds eerily like how the internet works. An interesting historical relic.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: *. Historical Interest: **. Overall Rating: *.

Apollo 12 (film #10 in the Apollo 11 section of WPA Film Library). [Category: News]

Boring tv footage of the Apollo 12 astronauts talking about training for their moon mission, though it gets mildly ironic when they start talking about a permanent space station on the moon.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: *. Overall Rating: .

Carrier Deck Crash Hazards (extra on Pearl Harbor: Before and After DVD (Triton, 2001)). [Category: Military & Propaganda]

This WWII GI safety film shows us the danger to personnel onboard aircraft carriers when planes crash and how they can be avoided. Lots of spectacular footage of plane crashes is shown, offsetting the dry narration. This really hits home the dangers of fighting a war, even from the relatively safe distance of an aircraft carrier at sea. A great little piece of WWII history.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: N/A. Weirdness: . Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: **.

Caught Mapping (in the Ephemeral section of Open Video Project. Also, film #277 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Industrial]

This Jam Handy film breezily describes to us the field of cartography, showing us how roadmaps are researched and printed. I personally find this to be pretty interesting, though others might not. The film also has historical value in that it gives us a good idea of how maps were made and the conditions of roads during the 40s.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: *. Historical Interest: **. Overall Rating: *.

The Crusades (film #2 on Blood of Floor Sweepings (LSVideo)). [Category: Hollywood]

This is a clip from filmed coverage of the Hollywood premiere of the 30s movie The Crusades. Stars of the film and celebrities attending the premiere are interviewed as huge crowds push in on them. Capture some of the excitement that a Hollywood premiere used to generate.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: .

A Ballroom Tragedy (film #1 in the Dramatic Sketches section of American Variety Stage). [Category: Early Film & TV]

A couple at a ball sneak into a back room to make out, 1905-style, when a jealous rival of the woman’s sneaks up behind her and stabs her. I guess that is pretty tragic. A 1905 Biograph film.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: **. Overall Rating: *.

Addams Family (film #38 in the 1964 section of TVParty). [Category: Commercial]

Extended promo for “The Addams Family,” featuring such antics as Morticia clipping the blossoms off roses, Gomez crashing his toy trains, and Uncle Fester playing with knives. Fun for all the family!

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: .

The Naked Flower: A Fable of Love (extra on The Psycho Lover/Heat of Madness DVD (Something Weird, 2003)). [Category: Sleaze & Outsider]

This is basically a short, sexed-up version of a slasher flick. A gardener is put away in a mental asylum for almost raping a little girl. Years later, he attacks the same person, now grown up, on the day after her wedding. The ending is maddeningly inconclusive. There are no explicit scenes of rape, though there are some leading-up-to scenes, as well as extended make-out scenes with the woman and her husband. Still, I can’t recommend this, as it seems to pander to the rapists in the audience.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: *. Overall Rating: BOMB.

George & Lill (film #17 in the Public Info. Films section of TVArk). [Category: Public Service]

George and Lill are two extremely silly burglars of the type one might find in a cartoon or a shopping cart film. They fail to leave the lights on in their house when they go out a’burgling, and thus end up getting burgled themselves. Lill’s tutu is quite a sight to behold. Silly fun.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: .

Amos and Andy (film #3 in the What Happened to What’s Happening? section of TVParty). [Category: Outtakes & Obscurities]

This is a clip from the notorious 50s African-American sitcom. In it, Andy walks out on his own wedding after hearing some dirt about Nightingale from the Kingfish. This would be funnier, I think, if one knew the background of the story. As it is, it’s not particularly funny, though it’s not as excruciatingly racist as some other things I’ve seen. And the laugh track is annoying.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: *. Historical Interest: **. Overall Rating: *.

Apollo 11: For All Mankind (in the Documentary section of Open Video Project). [Category: News]

This NASA documentary about the Apollo 11 mission appears to have been made fairly soon after the moon landing. It’s pretty standard for the most part, with lots of film footage of the mission, a bit of the tv footage, and lots of classical music and pompous narration about Man’s Destiny. Still, this was an important and interesting space mission, so a documentary like this is appropriate. The audio and video quality of this downloadable version stinks, though.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: .

Better Reading (film #6 on Teenage Turmoil, Vol. 6 (Something Weird, 2001)). [Category: Educational]

Poor Harold. He spends all his time studying, yet still makes poor grades. The school gives him a bunch of reading tests and they find out he is a slow reader. They put him on a Better Reading Program, which he participates in with the kind of enthusiasm only found in these kinds of educational films. Soon he is reading articles about Abraham Lincoln to the family and casually using the phrase, "I read about it somewhere." Of course, 15 years later he would be reading Marx, Sarte and Abbie Hoffman's Steal This Book, but that's all part of the wonderful world reading opens up to people, so who can complain?

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: *.

Cabiria (recorded off of Turner Classic Movies). [Category: Early Film & TV]

Way back in 1914, when D. W. Griffith was still making two-reelers, the Italians were already making sword and sandal epics like this one. Cabiria is a little Roman girl who ends up in the hands of the Carthaginians after a volcanic eruption. A Roman soldier, Fulvius, and his slave, Maciste (yes, that Maciste in his first film) get involved in trying to rescue her. She is not so much a character as a macguffin in this movie, which is filled with the usual political intrigue, royal romance, and battle scenes. Maciste even bends the bars back to escape from a prison cell, making the sword and sandal experience complete. Still, all this is extremely impressive for 1914––in fact, it’s hard to remember that this movie was made so early. Some of the sets, special effects, and montage scenes are breathtaking. Kino Video did an excellent job of restoring the film, translating its subtitles, and providing a musical score, as usual. A 1914 Italian film.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: *. Overall Rating: .

Mr. B Natural (MST3K Episode #319: War of the Colossal Beast). [Category: Commercial]

Probably the best short they've ever done, both in terms of the film itself and their msting of it. The film, designed to sell Conn band instruments to schoolchildren and their parents, features the very female Betty Lustre playing a male sprite character a la Peter Pan, who is supposedly the spirit of music. "Mr." B Natural visits a shy, troubled junior high school boy named Buzz, and convinces him to join the school band, mostly by appearing in his bedroom and prancing her feminine pulchritude around shamelessly. More than any other weird commercial film, this one makes you want to shake the producers silly and say "My God!! What were you thinking??" Isn't puberty hard enough without having to deal with an apparition of questionable gender appearing in your bedroom and prancing and gadding about in a skimpy costume? Were people ever this clueless about the sexual implications of what they were doing? The msting is great too––they really outdid themselves with this, producing many memorable moments: MR. B: "You've got to inspect your horn, boy!" CROW: "And wash it every day!", "And after school the local police visit his locker and find out why they call him 'Buzz'", "Mr. B, what would you know about dignity?", and my favorite: "Oh, excuse me, sexless man-woman!!"

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ***. Weirdness: . Historical Interest: . Msting: *. Overall Rating: ***.

Carrier or Killer (film #4 on disc 2 of Hell’s Highway DVD (Kino Video, 2003)). [Category: Industrial]

Goofus and Gallant get jobs driving big rigs in this excerpt from a truck driving safety film. Goofus is ill-mannered, uses greasy kid stuff on his hair, smokes cigarettes, and doesn’t take care of his truck. Whereas Gallant wears a crisp uniform, keeps a squeaky clean truck, and spends the long boring hours on the road thinking about the last Safety Banquet, which looks like it was even longer and more boring than long-distance driving. This film is so juvenile, it’s quite campy, so it’s too bad this is only an excerpt.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: .

A Challenge to Democracy (in the Ephemeral section of Open Video Project. Also, film #509 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Military & Propaganda]

This stark film explains and attempts to justify the internment of Japanese-Americans during World War II. It’s a tall order, and the filmmakers seemed to have known it, for despite their newspeak terminology of “relocation” and “evacuation,” they end up not really trying very hard to make this seem any better than what it really was––the forced imprisonment of a group of American citizens based on race. Most of the reassurances the film tries to give that this is not what it appears to be are contradicted at later points in the film. It’s not imprisonment or even internment, the film says, but then it shows us the barbed wire fences and guards around the perimeter. The fact that these people are being “relocated” should not imply that they are disloyal, but then they turn around and say that their presence on the west coast was a “military hazard.” These people, despite their Japanese ancestry, are loyal Americans just like the rest of us, the film keeps saying, then it tells us that the Japanese-American medical personnel in the camps are “supervised by Caucasians,” and even the doctors earn the princely sum of $19 a month. Finally, the film breaks down and admits that it’s hard to teach the “values of Americanism” in a concentration-camp setting. Still, that doesn’t stop them from ending the film by saying that we are fighting the war to preserve the American values of “freedom and equal opportunity regardless of race, creed, or color,” an ending for this movie that makes you want to throw up. Of course, there are many positive scenes of camp life, but you get the impression that these good things were entirely due to the efforts of the internees themselves, with no real help from the government that imprisoned them. The film as a whole, as appalling as it is, is a fascinating historical record of one of the darker moments in the history of our government. It’s definitely required viewing for those who may romanticize our participation in World War II.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: N/A. Weirdness: **. Historical Interest: *. Overall Rating: **.

The Ball Game (film #12 on America at Work, America at Leisure). [Category: Early Film & TV]

This looks like a camera was set up on one of the bases of a baseball diamond (which one is hard to tell) and we get to see a bit of a game in progress. This is so short it doesn’t have much interest, but it’s probably the first filmed footage of a baseball game, so that gives it some historical value. An 1898 Edison film.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: *. Weirdness: . Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: .

The Bing Crosby Show (film #22 in the Lost Fall Previews of the 60s section of TVParty). [Category: Commercial]

Bing Crosby rather boringly tells us all about his new tv series. He doesn’t show us any scenes from it or anything––he just sits in front of the camera and tells us about it. The series was not very long-lived or memorable, and maybe this explains why.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: *.

Captain Bondage vs. Women’s Lib (extra on The Psycho Lover/Heat of Madness DVD (Something Weird, 2003)). [Category: Sleaze & Outsider]

Captain Bondage, who is essentially a guy in a thoroughly ridiculous black-masked superhero costume, kidnaps a woman wearing a pair of hideous-looking polyester pants and takes her to his lair, which is a suburban home filled with women tied up in various positions. All are fully clothed, though some wear skimpy outfits and high heels. In the end, Captain Bondage turns out to be his own worst enemy, because although he has created an elaborate harness get-up that allows one of his bound slaves to bring him a beer on a little platform that extends from her waist, he failed to design his mask with a mouth opening, so he can’t drink it (d’oh!). The film is silent and in garish 70s color, but is so incompetently done it looks like home movie footage. The endless scenes of tied-up women are mildly disturbing and the whole production reeks of sleaziness, yet many elements are so ridiculous they are laughable. The opening sequence, in particular, looks more like a Halloween prank than a kidnapping. I certainly can’t recommend this film because of its subject matter, but if you’re looking for a really bad film, this is it.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: **. Weirdness: . Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: BOMB.

The Middleton Family at the 1939 New York World's Fair (Moviecraft, 1994). [Category: Industrial]

This film was made by Westinghouse to promote its exhibits at the 1939 New York World's Fair. It features an "average" middle-class family who come all the way from Indiana to go to the fair, an obnoxious teenaged son who says "Gee whiz!" and plays practical jokes all the time, and a love triangle involving the daughter, a godless Commie art teacher, and a clean-cut Westinghouse engineer who talks up the company and modern technology in general every time you turn around. The scenes with the art teacher will make you cringe––he is a slimy, cranky, spoilsport who can't argue his way out of a barrel, yet tries to anyway. He also buys the daughter a cheap, costume jewelry ring from a magic shop and tells her it's a priceless heirloom that's been in the family for generations. All this is supposed to be associated with communism, lack of enthusiasm for modern technology, and abstract art, somehow. The campiest scene is probably the demonstration of Electro the Robot. He is incredibly slow-moving and clunky and his feats are vastly unimpressive––he does such "amazing" things as smoking and counting on his fingers. Yet the Middletons are incredibly impressed by him. I'm with the cranky Commie on this one. There's also lots of fun scenes of various fair exhibits, giving the viewer a feel for what it must have been like, at least in the Westinghouse building. A wonderful, well-rounded piece of ephemera about a popular subject.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: **. Weirdness: . Historical Interest: *. Overall Rating: ***.

Crazy Town (track #2 on Weird Cartoons (Rhino, 1987)). [Category: Hollywood]

Betty Boop and Bimbo have nothing better to do, so they go to Crazy Town, where everything is strange. I love cartoons like this that try to present weird alternate worlds––the 60's could only aspire to be this hallucinogenic. Amazingly, this is not the strangest of the Betty Boop cartoons––it's actually tame compared to something like Minnie the Moocher. But it's still pretty strange and quite fun.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: .

Gabriel Over the White House (recorded off of American Movie Classics). [Category: Public Service]

This feature film qualifies as ephemera because William Randolph Hearst was responsible for it, making it to further his political philosophies. It was made during the height of the Depression and it stars Walter Huston as President Judson Hammond. The America portrayed here is very bleak and on the verge of total societal breakdown, reminding us of how desperate times were during the Depression. President Hammond starts out as a career politician who is more interested in old-boy cronyism than in the serious problems facing the country. That is, until he gets into a car accident and gets a bump on the head. That bump on the head totally changes his personality, and suddenly he becomes a strong leader who pushes through radical reforms in the government, even to the point of getting Congress to retire, proclaiming martial law, and making himself dictator. Although what he accomplishes is good for the country and its people for the most part (he puts the unemployed back to work through a “construction army”, makes out-and-out war on gangsters, and gets foreign nations to pay off their debts through a program of extreme disarmament), his methods are disturbing, especially from today’s perspective of having had very bad experiences with dictators. Of course, some of his ideas would end up being put into practice in far less radical forms by FDR, and his speech about the future of war is downright prophetic. The film is great for showing us just how desperate times were during the Depression, a time that tends to be romanticized today. And it’s a fascinating oddity, feature film though it may be, and I think that qualifies it as ephemera.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: ***.

Amiga Dpaint Anims (film #215 on Open Source Movies). [Category: Outtakes & Obscurities]

These are some animated clips a guy made back in the early 90s on his Amiga computer in Dpaint. For animations made while just playing around on a system that is now obsolete, these are pretty fun to watch. I particularly like the starship captain with his silly creature sidekick.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: .

Apollo 11 Facts VJSC-1425L (in the Documentary section of Open Video Project). [Category: News]

Now this is the sort of historical footage I like to stumble across. This is a good long unedited portion of the NASA television footage of the Apollo 11 mission. This is the stuff the guys in Houston were watching, and it contains all of the back-and-forth talking between the astronauts and Mission Control. Now I’ll be honest and admit that this is not one of the more entertaining pieces of ephemera out there––the video is barely visible, there are lots of times when the astronauts are outside of camera range, lots of the stuff they do is very technical and not very interesting, and it goes on and on and on. But I remember watching this stuff as a kid, and even at age 9 it held me riveted to the screen because of what a big deal it was. It was such a big deal that I felt I was a part of history just watching the first human beings set foot on the moon. This brought back those memories. If you want entertainment, go elsewhere, but if you want raw footage from what is arguably the biggest news story of the 20th century, then this is your film. In between the boring parts are the highlights of the mission, including Neil Armstrong’s first steps on the lunar surface (and his bungled line––you really hear him saying “That’s one small step for Man” here), the astronauts describing how it felt to be on the moon, the raising of the flag, and the phone call from President Nixon. If you weren’t alive yet to experience this, well, here it is, free for the downloading.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: *+. Overall Rating: **.

Benefits of Looking Ahead.

Nick, the dorky teenager from What to Do on a Date, is just as clueless about career planning as he is about dating. After his "friend" warns Nick that he will probably turn out to be a bum the way he's going (and we see a great scene of an unshaven Nick gnawing on some stale bread in a cheap hotel room), Nick turns to the rickety table he's building in shop class, which falls apart when he tries to pound a nail into it. Nick finally figures out that he needs to make a plan for his table, and then it occurs to him that maybe he should make a plan for his life as well. This guy has to be the dorkiest, most clueless hero of any of these films. He never seems to know anything about anything. I wouldn't be surprised if later on he was in films called What to Do on Your Honeymoon, Benefits of Asking for a Raise, How to Talk to Your Teenagers, or What to Do After Retirement.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: **. Weirdness: . Historical Interest: *. Overall Rating: ****.

The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari (Audio Commentary) (Image Entertainment, 1997 (DVD)). [Category: Early Film & TV]

This alternate soundtrack on the DVD version features a commentary by Mike Budd, who mainly argues that the contrast between the film's realistic storyline and editing on the one hand, and it's expressionistic sets, makeup and acting on the other is what makes the film so weird. It's a pretty interesting argument, and Budd enhances it with a lot of contextual information about the time and circumstances in which the film was made. Unfortunately, the commentary doesn't jibe very well with the film itself, which is a lot more compelling. After awhile, I wanted the film to just stand alone without explanations. Still, there's enough interesting content in the commentary to be worth at least one viewing.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: .

Careers in Emergency Medicine (film #3 on Oops! (A/V Geeks)). [Category: Industrial]

The first half of this film is quite interesting, as it shows a rescue squad saving the life of a little boy who falls into a swimming pool and almost drowns. The entire rescue, from the accident itself to the boys’ arrival and treatment in the emergency room, is shown straightforwardly, without narration. Then a narrator comes on and tediously goes over the various jobs involved in emergency medicine, while the same footage of the rescue is played again. This knocks a few points off the interest meter. Still, the film is a great snapshot of the state of emergency medicine during the 70s.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: .

Babies Rolling Eggs (film #11 on America at Work, America at Leisure. Also in the Historical section of Open Video Project). [Category: Early Film & TV]

Some toddlers roll eggs down a hill, while a bunch of rough-looking older kids aggressively jostle to grab them. Eventually, this game turns into a melee among the kids, most of whom look like school bullies. This was probably some sort of Easter event. I’m glad this particular tradition didn’t make it into the present. A 1902 Edison film.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: **.

Also from MTM – The Texas Wheelers (film #5 in the Class of 1974 section of TVParty). [Category: Commercial]

Jack Elam (you remember him––he played dangerously unbalanced loonies in countless 40s and 50s films) stars as a wayward father of a Texas family come home to mooch off of, uh, I mean take care of, his kids. In this promo, we see Gary Busey and Mark Hammil preparing to bury a duck. Any wonder why this series was not a success?

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: .

The Rolling Stones (film #6 in The British Invasion section of WPA Film Library). [Category: Sleaze & Outsider]

60s newsreel clips of the Rolling Stones playing a prank where they pretend to be hitchhiking (something that would never be done today, due to safety concerns about stalkers), preparing for a big concert, reading fan mail, being interviewed by the press, and appearing in Australia. Unfortunately, this is all narrated and we never get to hear the stones speak or play music. This has some mild historical value, more so for Stones fans.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: *. Weirdness: . Historical Interest: **. Overall Rating: *.

Fundo in Chile (film #578 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Public Service]

In Chile, a wealthy landowner leaves to large fundos (farms/ranches) to his sons when he dies. One son, Juan, pretty much ignores the fundo and parties away his wealth in the city. The other son, Roberto, institutes all kinds of reforms on his fundo, such as making use of modern technology, irrigating the fields, improving the workers’ living conditions, and providing all sorts of social services for them. This is basically another Goofus and Gallant film, though it does provide a snapshot into the ways of life 1940s pre-revolutionary Chile.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: **. Overall Rating: *.

Horrible Horror (Goodtimes, 1986). [Category: Commercial]

TV horror movie host Zacherly hosts this collection of clips, trailers, and various other goodies from horror and science fiction genres. Zacherly is the best host I've seen on this kind of collection. It looks like he's just ad-libbing, and he's a great ad-libber. Mostly, it just looks like he's having a lot of fun. The collection here is quite interesting––there's lots of clips of classic and classically bad moments from these films, quite a few trailers, and lots of other miscellaneous goodies, such as 50's TV clips, bloopers from Abbot and Costello Meet Frankenstein, and scenes from old interviews with Bela Lugosi. Fans of cheesy horror and science fiction should particularly enjoy this.

Highlights:

This tape has my all-time favorite trailer: the classic Killer Shrews trailer, featuring Dr. Radford Baines from the "Department of Information". He tells us about shrews and then urges us to report any sightings of giant killer shrews to our local authorities. Is this the biggest invitation to crackpots and pranksters ever, or what?
One particularly obscure and interesting item is a scene from the 50's TV series "You Asked for It" which features Electro the Robot, the robot built by Westinghouse for the 1939 New York World's Fair. He's big and blocky and talks in a monotone. It's hard to believe that audiences of the day were impressed with him, though they were. Here he says, "My brain is bigger than yours," and blows up a balloon until it pops. Wow!
There's two bizarre Bela Lugosi interviews on this tape: in one, he scares the silly female interviewer away by pretending to hear voices, and in the other, he claims that "Dracula goes on forever," whatever that means.
You not only get to see the incredibly silly cowboy-hatted robots in The Phantom Empire, but you also get to find out that they reappeared in another serial––Captain Video!
Gimmick Alert! In 13 Ghosts, you can only see the ghosts with the help of a special "Ghost Viewer", demonstrated helpfully by William Castle himself! The producers of The Screaming Skull will pay funeral expenses for any member of the audience who dies of fright! Macabre has a similar insurance policy, but warns us it does not cover anybody with a known heart condition or suicides!
Msties, take note: contains clips or trailers from The Killer Shrews, Bride of the Monster, Indestructible Man, I Was a Teenage Werewolf, War of the Colossal Beast, Robot Monster, Santa Claus Conquers the Martians, The Phantom Creeps, The Robot vs. the Aztec Mummy, The Undersea Kingdom and The Screaming Skull.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: .

Amelie Moments in the Prelinger Archives (film #35 on Open Source Movies). [Category: Outtakes & Obscurities]

Spuzz, a regular reviewer of Prelinger films, put together this short compilation of unscripted, behind-the-main-action moments from Prelinger films. These are fun moments, though they could have been edited a little bit tighter. This really makes me want to put together my own compilation films, though. It also makes me really want to check out A Visit to Santa––this film looks hideous! And I love the ending!

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: .

Apollo 11 Crew Preparing for the Moon Mission (film #4 in the Apollo 11 section of WPA Film Library). [Category: News]

Silent footage of the Apollo 11 crew practicing various things they will be doing on the mission, such as getting in and out of the capsule, experiencing zero gravity, and getting pulled out of the ocean after splashdown. This has some historical interest, but I wish they’d included some sound.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: *. Overall Rating: .

Candy for Your Health (film #17 in the Documentary section of Movieflix). [Category: Industrial]

Ah, the good old days, back when doctors used to recommend eating candy between meals! This 20s silent film has some wonderful factory tour footage of Love Nest candy bars being made by the Euclid Candy Company. A fun trip back to a sweeter time.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: .

Up on Cloud Nine unsold tv pilot excerpts (film #9 on TV Turkeys (Rhino, 1987)). [Category: Outtakes & Obscurities]

Here's another great idea for a sitcom: wacky stewardesses! And all the comical mistakes they make at 20,000 feet! Such as mistaking a pilot's request for dinner service for an announcement of an emergency landing (hyuck! hyuck!)! I mean, wouldn't that be funny if it happened to you? Fortunately, this series never got off the ground, but its pilot will live forever thanks to the miracle of home video. It looks like this was never even shown on tv, but only to prospective sponsors––it starts with "Your Product Presents..." I'm surprised the makers of Dramamine didn't buy it.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: *. Weirdness: . Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: **.

AWOL – All Wrong Old Laddiebuck (film #1 on Origins of American Animation). [Category: Early Film & TV]

Private Snafu’s dad probably starred in this WWI-era military training toon. A not-too-dedicated doughboy, tired of waiting for discharge after the armistice, goes out on a joy ride (says so on the car) with Miss A.W.O.L. He gets into all kinds of trouble, of course, culminating in having to cool his heels in the stockade while all his buddies get to go home. This is a great example of early ephemera, well preserved, with lots of amusing rubbery animation. A 1919 American film.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: **.

Big Bertha (film #8 in the Kids with Guns section of TVParty).[Category: Commercial]

Hyperbolic, and thus quite campy, commercial for a big toy tank with three different kinds of guns on it, just perfect if you want your little tyke to grow up to be a war monger. And it’s sold only at Food Marts, so you know it’s pure and wholesome. Appalling, and quite fun.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: .

Risque Matinee (film #15 on Blood of Floor Sweepings (LSVideo). [Category: Sleaze & Outsider]

A housewife discovers a brochure from a strip club in her husband’s suit jacket, and, rather than getting mad, she uses it for educational purposes. Good thing she was only wearing a pair of thong panties under her apron. This cockamaimie plot could only appear in a stag film, and one can only laugh at the male fantasies this was designed to appeal to.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: **. Weirdness: *. Historical Interest: **. Overall Rating: *.

Forgotten Village (film #1 on Feature Films). [Category: Public Service]

This sensitively-done 30s documentary tells the story of Juan Diego, a young man who lives in a tiny Mexican village, where people live a traditional rural lifestyle that has changed little over thousands of years. The only link with the outside world is Juan’s schoolteacher, who gives the village children a bit of knowledge of the modern world. When the children of Juan’s village start sickening and dying in droves, Juan goes to his teacher for help. The teacher suspects that the village well is spreading an infectious disease, and he encourages Juan to go to a nearby city and get a public health team to come and help. Unfortunately, the villagers rely on a local medicine woman for healthcare, and they are extremely hostile to new ideas. When Juan returns with the medical team, most of the families hide their sick children from them, and when they try to disinfect the well, the villagers accuse them of poisoning it. In desperation to cure his seriously ill younger sister (he already lost a brother to the illness), Juan sneaks her to the medical team in the middle of the night to get her an injection of a curative serum, but his father catches him afterwards and orders him to leave the village and never return. The medical team, however, make arrangements for Juan to attend a special school for young people who want to bring modern medicine to their villages. They reassure Juan that change happens slowly, and that it will be young people like him who will finally bring such changes about. This is an intelligent and sensitive film that is not too hard on the villagers who reject the medical team’s interventions. This makes it more enlightened than you’d expect for the time it was made. Of course, by today’s standards, it has some problems––it gives no context for the villagers’ suspiciousness of outsiders coming in and trying to change their ways, which may encourage audience members to think of them as just ignorant and stubborn. And it shows no downside to modernity, whereas from today’s perspective we know that modern ways, with their medical miracles and conveniences, have a tendency to destroy traditional ways of life, leaving little for poor rural people to take its place. Still, this film is a wonderful documentation of those ways of life, as well as providing a historically interesting snapshot of public health practices in Mexico during the 30s.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: N/A. Weirdness: . Historical Interest: +. Overall Rating: ***.

The Challenge of Ideas (in the Ephemeral section of Open Video Project. Also, film #282 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Military & Propaganda]

Edward R. Murrow hosts this early-60s film, which seems to be designed to explain the Cold War to service personnel, though there is also some implication that it may have been shown to the general public as well. A motley assortment of stars, such as John Wayne, Lowell Thomas, and Helen Hayes also appear at various points to explain the ideological differences between the capitalist and communist systems, i.e. Why We’re Right and They’re Wrong. It’s not quite as intelligent as the presence of Murrow would suggest, but it’s not quite as jingoistic as the presence of Wayne would suggest. As such, it’s kind of annoying. It does have a great deal of historical interest, though, as a portrait of what the American government wanted its citizens to believe about the Cold War.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: *. Overall Rating: .

MGM Studios Tour (film #1 on Blood of Floor Sweepings (LSVideo). Also, recorded off of Turner Classic Movies). [Category: Industrial]

This is sort of a filmed tour of MGM Studios, made during the 1920s. Just about all the departments in the company get their few moments of filmed glory and a group shot before the camera. You get to see not just actors, directors, cameramen, and editors, but also the studio nurse, food service workers, and barbers. The film follows a loose progression of filmmaking from initial concept to developing the film. This is a wonderful snapshot of a major Hollywood studio in the early days of the studio system, when films were still silent and musicians were strictly for providing mood music for the actors.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: *. Overall Rating: .

All of the Dead (film #5 in the Action section of Brickfilms. Also, film #3 in the Horror section of Brickfilms). [Category: Outtakes & Obscurities]

This old classic brickfilm is made in the horror mode of Night of the Living Dead. Which is pretty ambitious for a brickfilm, if you think about it. Mostly, it pulls it off, or at least as much as a brickfilm can be expected to pull it off. It’s not surprising that this film inspired others to start making brickfilms.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: *. Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: .

Apollo, Segment 6016 (in the Documentary section of Open Video Project). [Category: News]

This last of the Apollo segments features the end of a NASA film about preparations for the first Apollo mission. We get to see a space capsule being abused in various ways, and then the pontificating about Man and His Mission starts. During the end credits, the digitizer spaces off again, and we hear the music slow to a stop, which is somehow a fitting end to these endless, poorly-preserved NASA film clips.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: *. Overall Rating: .

Calvin Workshop (in the Ephemeral section of Open Video Project. Also, film #1 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Industrial]

This film, made by an industrial film company, would have us believe that all of the technical jobs in film production, as well as writing and directing, are done by chimps. On second thought, that explains a lot of the dreck Hollywood has foisted on us over the years. Monsters Crash the Pajama Party was only able to hint at this scandal, but as usual, ephemeral films tell us what is really going on.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ***. Weirdness: . Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: ***.

The Boat (film #2 on Side A of Disc #2 of Comedy Classics DVD Megapack (Treeline Films, 2004)). [Category: Hollywood]

As if he didn’t have enough trouble, Buster Keaton builds a boat and subjects his family to one mishap after another, including destroying his entire house when he attempts to get the boat out of the basement where he built it, sinking his car in the bay during an abortive attempt to launch the boat, and having the boat sink completely during said launch. He fixes it so that it’ll float, but his problems have only begun. Again, this is a quite funny Buster romp, featuring bizarre items like a floating anchor, a picture of an ocean scene that leaks salt water, pancakes that are totally inedible but useful for patching leaks, and a lifeboat made from a bathtub. When inanimate objects are not turning against Buster, his two unruly kids cause further mishaps. Everything that can go wrong does, and that makes this fun watching.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: .

Crazy Inventions (film #17 on Cartoon Crazys: Sci-Fi (WinStar Home Entertainment, 1999)). [Category: Hollywood]

Betty Boop hosts a Big Invention Show, featuring weird and wacky cartoon inventions. This is a great concept, though I think it could have been just a bit weirder in execution. Still, the cartoon really takes off when the Self-Threading Sewing Machine goes on a rampage and starts sewing up everything in sight, including ladders, rivers, and people's mouths. Lots of fun.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: *. Weirdness: . Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: **.

Automobile Race for the Vanderbilt Cup (film #10 on America at Work, America at Leisure. Also in the Historical section of Open Video Project). [Category: Early Film & TV]

An early car race, filmed from various points on the track. On the final straightaway, the crowd stands much too close to the track––I’m surprised somebody didn’t get killed. Of course, the speeds of the cars were considerably slower back then, but still. A 1904 Biograph film.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: **. Overall Rating: .

The Betty Hutton Show (film #6 in the When Stars Did the Commercials section of TVParty). [Category: Commercial]

Really silly commercial Betty did for Post Raisin Bran that involves making a raisin bran flambé. This is one of the better examples of stars hawking their sponsors’ products that make up this particular section of TVParty.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: .

Murder on Lenox Avenue (film #23 on Feature Films). [Category: Sleaze & Outsider]

From its title, you would think that this all-black cast movie was a murder mystery, but it isn’t. It’s really more of a soap opera, with more subplots than you can shake a stick at, including several interlocking romantic triangles, and an unwed mother who kills herself, though the main story seems to be about an upstanding fellow who tries to eliminate graft from the Harlem Better Business Society. Although there are several rather stereotyped comic relief characters, and one of the bad guys is a really poorly-done hunchback, for the most part this has a realistic feel. And even though the plot is hard to figure out at times, it holds your interest for the most part. An interesting slice of African-American culture from the 40s.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: *.

Frontiers of the Future (film #574 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Public Service]

Lowell Thomas narrates this “screen editorial” designed to tell Depression-era audiences that even though times are hard now, R & D departments of big companies are inventing new technologies will create lots of new jobs, and it’s all just around the corner. Gee, I wonder if big business had anything to do with this. Actually, this did happen for the most part, but with prices that were not mentioned in this film. The film does provide a historically-interesting snapshot of futuristic thinking during the Depression.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: *. Historical Interest: **. Overall Rating: *.

The Adventures of Crispy Cheeser: The End? (film #1 in the Action section of Brickfilms. Also, film #11 in the Comedy section of Brickfilms (both on the page for The Adventures of Crispy Cheeser: Where the Sharks Are!). [Category: Outtakes & Obscurities]

Oh, no! Evil triumphs! But I guess that’s what you have to expect with a name like Crispy Cheeser.

Dancing on the Moon (film #8 on Cartoon Crazys: Sci-Fi (WinStar Home Entertainment, 1999)). [Category: Hollywood]

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ***. Weirdness: ****. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ****.

Billie the Buffalo Baby (in the Ephemeral section of Open Video Project. Also, film #219 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Educational]

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ***. Weirdness: ****. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ***.

Caught in a Cabaret (film #1 on The Chaplin Collection DVD (Madacy Entertainment, 2002) ("Charlot, Garcon de Theatre"). Also, film #3 on Charlie Chaplin Festival (Diamond Entertainment, 1991). Also, film #29 in the Silent section of Movieflix.) [Category: Early Film & TV]

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ***. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: ***. Overall Rating: **.

Alexander’s Ragtime Band (film #3 on Sabucat Movie Trailers). [Category: Commercial]

Ratings: Camp/ Humor Value: **. Weirdness: **. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ***.

Progress Island (MST3K Episode #621: The Beast of Yucca Flats (short #2)). [Category: Commercial]

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: *. Weirdness: *. Historical Interest: *. Msting: **. Overall Rating: **.

Sex Psycho Trailers (extra on The Psycho Lover/Heat of Madness DVD (Something Weird, 2003)). [Category: Sleaze & Outsider]

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: **. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: ***. Overall Rating: **.

Christmas Island (film #1 in the 0800064 JTF-8 Presents Operation Dominic section of DOE Nevada). [Category: Military & Propaganda]

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ***. Weirdness: ****. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ***.

Plan for Pleasant Living (film #3 on The 1950s Time Capsule (Video Resources, 1994)). [Category:Industrial]

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ****. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: *****. Overall Rating: ****.

Accidents Don’t Just Happen (film #33 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Public Service]

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ****. Weirdness: ****. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ****.

Big Man on Campus (film #215 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Educational]

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ****. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ****.

Carmaux: Drawing Out the Coke (film #19 on The Movies Begin, Volume One: The Great Train Robbery and Other Primary Works (Kino Video, 1994). Also, film #19 on The Art of Cinema Begins (Video Yesteryear, 1997)). [Category: Early Film & TV]

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: *. Weirdness: **. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ***.

Next Week Promos (Hollywood's Attic, 1996). [Category: Commercial]

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: *** (gets an extra star for the 5th Avenue commercial). Weirdness: *** Historical Interest: *****. Overall Rating: ***.

Are We There Yet? (film #22 in the Comedy section of Brickfilms. Also, film #5 in the Music Video section of Brickfilms). [Category: Outtakes & Obscurities]

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ****. Weirdness: *****. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: *****.

BBC Breakfast News: Gulf War Special (film #2 in the News section of TVArk). [Category: News]

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: *. Weirdness: **. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ***.

Adolf Hitler (Side B of Disc #3 of WWII: The Ultimate Collection (Brentwood Home Video, 2004)). [Category: Military & Propaganda]

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: **** (mainly for the British section, the atrocities, of course, rate an N/A). Weirdness: ****. Historical Interest: *****. Overall Rating: *****.

Agriculture USA (film #51 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Industrial]

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ****. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ***.

The Chow Hound (film #17 on The Complete Uncensored Private SNAFU DVD (Image Entertainment, 1999)). [Category: Military & Propaganda]

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ***. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ***.

American Pioneer (film #122 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Educational]

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: **. Weirdness: **. Historical Interest: ***. Overall Rating: **.

Out of This World (MST3K Episode #618: High School Big Shot. Also, film #1078 on Prelinger Archive). [Catgory: Industrial]

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: *****. Weirdness: *****. Historical Interest: *****. Msting: ****. Overall Rating: *****.

Amos ‘n’ Andy #2 (film #4 in the Amos ‘n’ Andy section of TVParty). [Category: Early Film & TV]

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: *. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ***.

The African Queen (film #2 on SabuCat Movie Trailers). [Category: Commercial]

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: **. Weirdness: **. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ***.

Daddy (film #1303 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Hollywood]

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: **. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: **.

Sex Madness (film #131 on Feature Films). [Category: Sleaze & Outsider]

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: *****. Weirdness: ****. Historical Interest: *****. Overall Rating: ****.

The Big Deal (film #4 on Christian Youth Scare Films, Vol. 5 (Something Weird, 2000)). [Category: Educational]

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ****. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: *****. Overall Rating: ****.

Captain Midnight (film #10 on Atomic TV (Video Resources, 1994)). [Category: Early Film & TV]

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ***. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ***.

Going Places (film #603 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Public Service]

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ***. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ***.

Monsters on the March (Video Images, 1987). [Category: Commercial]

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: **. Weirdness: **. Historical Interest: **. Overall Rating: *.

Chosin Reservoir (film #6 in the Korean War section of WPA Film Library). [Category: Military & Propaganda]

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: N/A. Weirdness: *. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ***.

Opportunity USA (film #7 on Lifestyles USA, Vol. 2 (Something Weird, 2000)). [Category: Industrial]

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: **. Weirdness: *. Historical Interest: ***. Overall Rating: **.

Cupid Always Gets His Man (track #7 on Cartoon Crazys: Sci-Fi (WinStar Home Entertainment, 1999)). [Category: Hollywood]

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ***. Weirdness: ****. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ****.

Bicycle Today, Automobile Tomorrow (film #211 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Educational]

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: **. Weirdness: **. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ***.

California State Fair Highlights (in the Ephemeral section of Open Video Project. Also, film #1158 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Early Film & TV]

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: **. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ****.

Monsters Crash the Pajama Party Extras (on Monsters Crash the Pajama Party (Sinister Cinema)). [Category: Commerical]

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: *****. Weirdness: ****. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ****.

Chime Bells (film #1330 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Military & Propaganda]

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: *****. Weirdness: *****. Historical Interest: *****. Overall Rating: *****.

Once Upon a Honeymoon (MST3K Episode #701: Night of the Blood Beast. Also in the Ephemeral section of Open Video Project. Also, film #4 on Our Secret Century, Vol. 1: The Rainbow Is Yours CD-ROM (Voyager). Also, film # 1049 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Inudstrial]

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: *****. Weirdness: *****. Historical Interest: *****. Msting: ****. Overall Rating: *****.

The Cuckoo Murder Case (film #11 on The Cartoons That Time Forgot: The Ub Iwerks Collection, Vol. 2 DVD (Image Entertainment, 1999). Also, film #1 on The Cartoons That Time Forgot, Volume 3: Things That Go Bump in the Night (Kino Video, 1993)). [Category: Hollywood]

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ****. Weirdness: ****. Historical Interest: ***. Overall Rating: ****.

Better Use of Leisure Time (in the Ephemeral section of Open Video Project. Also, film #209 on Prelinger Archive). [Category: Educational]

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: *****. Weirdness: ****. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ****.

Calamitous Elopement (film #4 on The Origins of Cinema, Volume 4: The Arrival of D. W. Griffith (Video Yesteryear, 1995)). [Category: Early Film & TV]

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ***. Weirdness: ****. Historical Interest: ***. Overall Rating: ***.

The Andy Griffith Show (film #1 in the Mayberry RIP section of TVParty). [Category: Outtakes & Obscurities]

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: **. Weirdness: **. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ***.

The Autogyro (film #5 in the 100 Years in the Air section of WPA Film Library). [Category: News]

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: **. Weirdness: ***. Historical Interest: ****. Overall Rating: ***.

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Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: *. Historical Interest: **. Overall Rating: *.

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Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: **. Overall Rating: *.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: .

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: *. Overall Rating: BOMB.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: .

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: *. Historical Interest: **. Overall Rating: *.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: .

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: *.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: *. Overall Rating: .

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: ***. Weirdness: . Historical Interest: . Msting: *. Overall Rating: ***.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: .

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: N/A. Weirdness: **. Historical Interest: *. Overall Rating: **.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: *. Weirdness: . Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: .

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: *.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: **. Weirdness: . Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: BOMB.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: **. Weirdness: . Historical Interest: *. Overall Rating: ***.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: .

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: ***.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: .

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: *+. Overall Rating: **.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: **. Weirdness: . Historical Interest: *. Overall Rating: ****.

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: .

Ratings: Camp/Humor Value: . Weirdness: . Historical Interest: . Overall Rating: .